i love my husband very much but he is mean when he wants to be some times he just gets in a bad mood and its like walking on egg shells and yuo never know when hes going to go off what should i do leave him or what can i tell him to make him stop verabally abusing me
2006-10-12 07:14:12 · 20 answers · asked by kpriest38 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
turn the tables and start physically abusing him.
2006-10-12 07:36:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one deserves verbal abuse. It hurts.
He, just like my husband, is only reacting to your comments and not talking about your feelings. He is insecurely taking everything you say as an attack personally.
You must be understood and accepted in your marriage. Those are the 2 most important keys to communication. Let your husband know you don't feel comfortable talking about your needs with him. Ask him to go to a marriage therapist to improve "our" communication skills. Believe me, it will only get worse unless you do something about it now. Do it before one of you gets your needs met elsewhere.
Also, be sure you say things like "I hear you saying this....is that right?" and not "You are just so rude." And "I'm sorry, I just can't seem to concentrate on our conversation when you focus on something else." In an almost whispering gentle sickeningly sweet voice tell him, "Honey, my ears just seem to slam shut when you use a tone like that, could you talk more gently please?"
If he ever gets too mean to you (I hope he doesn't), immediately call an abuse shelter's hotline so that IF a divorce ever happens you will have documented calls from the hotline. The courts accept this as evidence for abuse cases.
Do not let him talk to you until you feel sick. It is very humiliating and your head just spins trying to think where you made the wrong step. If the discussions start turning bad, tell him you have to leave too cool down and that you will be back in an hour. Take your children if you need to (or ask him to leave for an hour.) Hopefully things will simmer down and you can have a civil discussion when you return.
2006-10-12 14:20:57 · answer #2 · answered by lofolulu 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you won't allow him to verbally abuse you anymore. Tell him that if he is that angry, just go be by himself for a while until he calms down, or just let you know right away that he is mad and needs some space or something.
But you have to make it clear that the verbal abuse (which is also emotional abuse by the way) won't be tolerated at all and that he should love and respect you enough to NOT do something so hurtful and harmful to you.
If he keeps it up......then you know EXACTLY what you have to do. And if you DON'T......then sadly, it will NEVER stop, so there will be no further room for complaints.
2006-10-12 14:29:38 · answer #3 · answered by lilac b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah - I hate the bad moods - they are the worst. If you are sure that he loves you then try to talk about why he gets this way. He may need help or meds. Although I don't agree with medication all the time, there are times when it is really needed. With his moods, he could be bi-polar. If you are sure he loves and cares about you and only gets abusive when he is in bad moods, try to talk to him. Perhaps it's stress or pressure. No one should have to hear terrible words from their own husband - I know it hurts very much...see if he will talk to someone about it.
2006-10-12 14:28:49 · answer #4 · answered by Xonda 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
whether you know it or not you have been molding and training your husband since you met him. So from the 1st day he verbally abused you and saw your reaction you began to train him. Now, he is the person YOU'VE allowed him to be. If you tolerate this behavior he will continue it. Treat him like a dog you have. If you allow a puppy to use the bathroom in the house for years and now you dont want that to happen anymore. 1st know that you allowed it. Now, know the puppy has grown into a dog knowing that. old habit are harder (not impossible) to break. Start by saying "I wont tolerate this anymore! I am worth more than that. You wont talk to me like that anymore! You can talk to me again when you've learn how" and mean it. walk away. it will take time. be patient. with both of you. u r worth it.
2006-10-12 14:26:08 · answer #5 · answered by singleagain 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no human being, male or female, should have to live life walking on egg shells. the next time it happens, calmly let him know that you feel somewhat intimidated and that it is not the greatest feeling in the world. any man who uses intimidation on a woman or child is not a man at all; i'd go so far as to say that he is very passive at work when dealing with other men. if he continues, get out for a month or two and see if that helps. beyond that, live life for YOU, not him.
2006-10-12 14:27:05 · answer #6 · answered by eddy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok. I didn;t read the detail just the title question, because I do not want to hear you say how much you love this man or how you can fix him, or how he is nice most of the time. LEAVE, LEAVE, LEAVE
I stayed in it for 16 tyears constantly making excuses. I had 4 kids, it was hard. But I can'r believe the person i have been able to become without him telling me everyday how fat stupid ugly incompetent I was. It was such poison to the soal. You deserve so much better.
LEAVE! PLEASE.
2006-10-12 14:32:48 · answer #7 · answered by Liz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him an ultimatum, either he stops or you leave. Stick to your guns and follow through. Idle threats never work. Have a plan... where are you going to go... how long... etc... It may take just that... leave him for a week or two; make He will realize what a fool he is being.
2006-10-12 14:23:39 · answer #8 · answered by Rob B 69 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Often this is a prelude to physical abuse. Ask him to stop gently. If he does not, then find a counselor on the net. Get some support. There is help out there.
2006-10-12 18:14:07 · answer #9 · answered by Jack P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how much you can change a habitual abuser. By getting, and staying, married to him you're kinda giving him the license to be himself. You can put your foot down and say "no more", but if you're not prepared to leave if things don't improve - it would be pointless to do so.
2006-10-12 14:26:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sticky situation.. but you could try sitting him down, and in plain ole english , tell him just what he is doing to you and how you feel about it... you could record him while he is having one of his torrents and play it back to him, so he can hear first hand just how he sounds... or if you are strong enough, you could turn the tables on him, like i did, and treat him just as he treats you, sometimes, they dont realize how they are talking and what it does, and that can shock them into reality..... if these things do not work, you have a choice to make, live or leave..... God bless
2006-10-12 14:23:33 · answer #11 · answered by Annie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋