My X keeps telling our child that the money is to go directly to him and that it should not be spent on bills or food. Henseforth he should not have to come to his dad for anything else because he has already paid his support money. When our child is visiting with his dad- he has to beg for a haircut, lunch money, school clothes, money for xtra curriculum activities. It's stressing my child out. I need to be able to explain this to my kid.
2006-10-12 07:02:26 · 19 answers · asked by Shaneika 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your ex is a complete retard. The money goes for food, rent/mortgage, clothing, utilities, lunch money and any other expenses incured while raising a child. The ex is in no way contributing to 1/2 of what it takes to raise a child. Your ex is a typical deadbeat that abuses his child mentally with bologne like that. It's an unfortunate situation and it only hurts the child. The child always believes what the child thinks would be more beneficial to them. That makes the ex right in their mind. You can never win in situations like these and you will always be the bad guy. I'm sorry.
2006-10-12 07:14:02 · answer #1 · answered by TK 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Child support is a small portion of expenses to go toward the child's care, etc. to help the custodial parent take care of a child that he noncustodial parent helped to bring into this world. It is not very much, I know, but if you need more, go apply for a modification of the order and request more.
As far as the dad being funky when the kid is visiting......that's bad cause he is just taking his ignorance and frustrations with YOU and the court system out on the child. That's unfair. But, legally he is within his right to do so. If the child has shelter, food, and clothes.....his BASIC needs being met, then anything else is just extra.
From the dad's perspective the child doesn't need school money if he can make a sack lunch from home, from the food already there. Hair cuts are cosmetic, not necessity. School clothes, can be taken from the child support money. Extra curricular activities aren't a necessity.
I know that is all very ugly. And it is definetely petty......but reality is what it is. He doesn't have to do EXTRA stuff unless he WANTS to. If you want more money, or SPECIFIC assistance with things, seek that modification. Otherwise, that is unfortunately a consequence of the breakup...........less money toward the household and the needs of the household.
THAT is what you will need to explain to your child. That he is now a part of a single parent household, and that as a single parent you have to cover ALL the expenses where as before his dad was there and could help. The child support money that you get from his dad will NEVER be enough to do all that you need to do for him, but then again it isn't his responsibility to take TOTAL financial responsibility for him....there is still YOUR portion, REGARDLESS of your expenses.
I don't say this to be sh*tty. I say this from experience. I have children. And this is just reality.
2006-10-12 07:20:55 · answer #2 · answered by lilac b 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I dont know how old your child is but regardless, money issue shouldn't be discussed with children. He is going to be in therapy before you know it. And it will have his parents name all over it. Kids have enough to worry about nowadays without having to worry about petty $$ issue from parents. Second, HE shouldn't be the one going to his dad anyway.. Why are you making him the bad guy, doing the dirty work. If you need xtra $$ you need to ask for it. leave the child out of it. I think child support should cover what it says and that is the "support" of the child. In no way does it pay for everything. But the small expenses should be covered. like haircuts, and lunch $$. Major xtras like sport camps and annual school clothes that costs >$100 you could approach the parent. For big ticket items. At all cost keep the child out of adult issues. this is between u 2 not them. No the $$ should not go directly to him. But yes the idea is 4 kids.
2006-10-12 07:15:03 · answer #3 · answered by singleagain 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
child support money goes exactly as that to support the child but meaning put a roof over there head and clothes on there back. A child should not have to ask for money from dad but if you dont have it after paying the bills then dad should help out to for xtra curicular activity. that is the point they are extra. do you hand the same amount of money over to your child every week that dad does, no! So that should tell you that the money is supposed to go for helping you support him. Some men are like that.
2006-10-12 07:09:00 · answer #4 · answered by bradosmom 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
there are no legal boundaries for what child support is spent on.. the money can be used for just what it says, child support, which is shelter, food, clothes, and what ever the mother or father, depending on who has custody, deems necessary to spend it on... most parents even if support is paid, split the cost of school fees, clothes for school, sports, and other things, such as medical.. and in most cases, the father is required by law, if the insurance does not take more than a certain percent of pay, to provide insurance... to help the child out with everyday necessities should NOT be a bother to either parent, they would be doing it if they were still married... but unfortunately, unless it was put on paper during the divorce or in the custody papers, you can not make dad help, unless you are willing to go back to court...... God bless
2006-10-12 07:11:10 · answer #5 · answered by Annie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I also recieve child support and can understand where you are coming from. My ex gets aggrivated when he knows that some of his support goes to pay the rent, utilities, food, car payment and other things. The reason for child support is exactly that...support the child. He/She needs a roof over their heads, food on the table, clothes on thier backs, among other things. He needs to understand that what he is giving you to raise the child you two have together is going to your child. He just doesn't like the fact that he feels he is paying your bills. I had to explain to my ex that you only have her for 4 days out of the month..I have her the rest of the time. You can afford to take her to places when you have her in your care.
I don't know how old your child is, but try to explain to him that it is not his fault that his father is this way. Children have a hard enough time growing up in this world to try to take on adult problems as well. Maybe try to talk to his father and explain the stress he is putting on his child and try to come to some agreement. I know this is not easy in every case...they can be very unreasonable (x's that is) and not want to listen to what you say.
Good luck and my thoughts are with you.
2006-10-12 07:11:45 · answer #6 · answered by tiggers123 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Child support is exactly for what it say's, support of the child. That also entails food, clothing, shelter, utilities, clothing, schooling etc. and on and on.
Unfortunately most divorced women do not make near as much money as their newly single ex-husbands and are on a very limited budget.
Let your son know that the support payments are used to help take care of him, and if necessary contact an attourney for a free consultation and let your son do the talking. You do not say how old he is, but children are very perceptive and can grasp the basic concepts of adult conversation and topics.
Good luck and feel free to email me if you need to just talk.
2006-10-12 07:10:34 · answer #7 · answered by aleciagma2 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I believe that it should be spent on the welfare of the child, not beer and smokes for the parent that is being paid the support. I honestly do not believe in child support but I do believe in taking care of your kids no matter what. I would not need a JUDGE to tell me how to do that or how much it should cost me, people should not play these games with there kids just because they hate there EX. TAKE CARE OF YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES!
2006-10-12 07:41:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Child support... money to support the child... this means
Rent, Utilities, food, clothing, haircuts, any and everything that the child needs and wants however please notice that this is to help support... basically this is 1/2 of what this child costs a month to live... the other parent is to pay the other 1/2.
2006-10-12 07:06:04 · answer #9 · answered by Tricia P 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Child support is paid to the parent, not to the child. I had this conversation with my children and sent a certified letter to my ex husband explaining it to him. It is for maintaining your household, whatever that entails. It does not absolve him from anything that needs to be taken care of when the child is visiting him. Explain to your ex that you would be happy to go back to court and nail down the specifics, I'm sure a judge would be happy to explain it to him!.
Actually, if you still have a lawyer, you could have the lawyer write the letter. I feel your pain, I have been there myself.
2006-10-12 07:06:52 · answer #10 · answered by Christina 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋