I don't know what to do with my boyfriend of 7 years (off & on). We have a one year old son together, and we were just about to get married. Now, after our last argument he has decided that he no longer wants to be with me, and will be leaving when our apartment lease ends next summer. He has stopped helping around the house, with the baby, etc. He goes out almost every night once the baby's asleep, and on the weekends doesn't come home until sunrise, only to sleep on the couch while I do everything. He says the most awful and cruel things to me, and I know I am not completely innocent, but I have stuck around to try and make it work for the sake of our child. My boyfriend came from a broken home and I feel it ruined his life, I don't want to see the same for my child. It has been a cycle of abuse for seven years, and we have both left before. This has happened all through our relationship, and we always make up. I can't take it anymore I just want him to stop.
2006-10-12 06:55:46 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I appreciate and understand all of these answers. Maybe I am stubborn, or just old fashion, but I feel guilty for leaving. I was raised to believe that you work things out. His father walked out on him, and basically did the same things my boyfriend is doing now. We don't really fight in front of our son. I feel like it is my duty to stick it out and do whatever I can to give him a family. I have tried to reason with him but I get no where. This situation has happened before, twice since my son was born, but in those times he actually left the house, so it seemed different. Now, he is doing the same things but staying in the house. I don't know how to handle it. Being nice doesn't work, and being mean just makes it worse. If I ignore him he will do something to provoke a reaction. I feel an absolute loss of any sort of control. All he does is blame me.
2006-10-12 08:44:48 · update #1
well first of all you say its a cycle of abuse, now do u want your chid to grow up in an abusive home? think about it.... secondly i woud talk to him if you guys make up... tell him that this is the last time that u do this and that goes for u to, next time u say its over, its really over... stop playing this high school game, either sh*t or get off the pot... its as simple as that!
2006-10-12 07:00:26 · answer #1 · answered by Tina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say that you want to make it work for your child. But do you really want your child to grow up in an enviroment where abuse is prevalent? I think the best thing would be for you to take your child, break the lease and move out now, before this gets any worse. Please don't use a "lease" as an excuse to stay together. I was in an abusive relationship and the last thing on my mind was the lease. It was easy to sign the lease over to my ex. This has been going on for too long. You need to focus on your child's and your own's happiness. Forget about this loser, he has screwed up his own life. You should move on from him!
2006-10-12 07:22:09 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know what the answer to this is. You can't have a child in a broken home, do you rather have your son seen and learning all these awful things or do you rather have him learning from you what is right and was wrong. You have to leave him, plus why is he waiting until the lease is over, you are letting him go too far. Get out before he starts taking it out on your kid.
2006-10-12 07:03:23 · answer #3 · answered by lluvia2wcc 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get your son out of that situation or you are putting him in the same situation that you do not want for you son. Break the cycle of abuse. You and you child will be alot happier. As far as your son having a father...well either he comes around or he doesnt....when you child is old enough he will realize everything you have done for him. Do this for you and you son. Good luck and prayers to you.
2006-10-12 08:23:06 · answer #4 · answered by angieblount112404 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The guy is being a jackass!
If you two can't work something out and it's just not going to work, then ok...fine, but that does NOT give him the right to go off and do whatever, whenever! If he's living there, then he has to pay his share, he has to clean his share and pitch in! Not to mention his CHILD! Sheesh
I'm sorry he's being suck a dick you, but at least you can admit your mistakes. He's not even doing that much. Tell him that he's either got to pitch in or he can leave. If his name isn't on the lease, then you can take all his stuff, throw it on the porch and lock his as.s out if you want to, and there's not much he can do about it. So if push comes to shove you *can* do this, otherwise you will have to make it clear to him that he needs to either shape up or he can ship is conniving as.s out!
Good luck to you miss.....I feel sorry for that child!
2006-10-12 07:11:22 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can swing the rent alone......tell him to leave. Tell him that you don't want your baby to see or hear the negativity that has become of your relationship.
Tell him that if he really loves his child, and wants better for him, then he should atleast be RESPECTFUL of you while he stays there until he moves out.
AND on an DIFFERENT NOTE.....YOU DO THE SAME. I don't know what kind of woman you are but if you are the kind that screams and cusses and calls him every disrespectful, castration-like comment or name in the book........then you need to take the same advice. You have to give respect to GET it.
And you BOTH need to respect the baby enough to atleast be courteous with each other and on the same accord.
2006-10-12 07:09:19 · answer #6 · answered by lilac b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You my dear are a walking talking example of relationships that never should have started, never mind got to this terrible place. I guess you should be grate-full that you did not get married to this man. It sounds like you hung in there against your better judgement, and are paying the price and a sad price it is. I am sorry I can see nothing except get out, start over again and take the pain along as a lesson not to be repeated,
2006-10-12 07:07:05 · answer #7 · answered by rkilburn410 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to move out; you can't expect to be living in the same house and not experience all this anger and resentment towards each other. The only sure way to make him stop would be to leave and never look back - if he was a reasonable and considerate person, you two would not be in this situation to begin with.
2006-10-12 06:59:33 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he is abusive, it will be worse for your child in the end than coming from a broken home. Abuse of a spouse or child will affect your son for the rest of his life, not to mention teach him to be just as abusive to his future spouses. You need to leave for the sake of your child. Your bf needs to go to anger management and counseling if he is to remain a part of your childs life. He will not stop without professional help, it is not possible. Be safe and keep your child safe first and foremost, your bf needs to be responsible for himself YOU CANNOT FIX HIM! Good Luck to you.
2006-10-12 07:00:44 · answer #9 · answered by sweetie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I said a prayer for you today
And know God must have heard-
I felt the answer in my heart
Although He spoke no word!
I didn't ask for wealth or fame
(I knew you wouldn't mind)-
I asked Him to send you treasures
Of a far more lasting kind!
I asked that He'd be near you
At the start of each new day
To grant you health and blessings
And my friendship to share your way!
I asked for happiness for you
In all things great and small-
But it was for His loving care
I prayed the most of all!
By: Kenny P. aka-Cobra
2006-10-12 07:09:25 · answer #10 · answered by Cobra 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋