I didn't tell my wife, her daughter told her. I am now divorced but still love my ex-wife. What can I do to win her back and prove I am not a pervert. I don't look at porn all the time. I also hate that my step-daughter feels betryed.
2006-10-12 06:37:19 · 10 answers · asked by Olustee 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Since she was your step-daughter, does that mean your wife was married before -- and why did she leave that relationship?
(It might shed some light on why she reacted the way she did to you. Chances are that relationship ended for many of the same reasons as yours)
Technically, you should have told your wife. Your first concern should have been for your step-daughter, not for yourself. That would have been the "best" response in terms of potentially saving your marriage.
Porn usually does hurt the wife, even if the husband never physically approaches another woman; she still feels inadequate and rejected and unwanted by her man. But your wife might have used it as an excuse to divorce, rather than committing to working things out.
You can't win your wife back unless she wants to be won back. It sounds like she wanted to leave, against your wishes. If you want her back that deeply, then you need to apologize, stop looking at porn, and find other ways to affirm that you are committed to her.
(But I'm inclined to think that she does not want to get remarried to you, and that you are 100% willing to give up the porn.)
Your step-daughter feels betrayed, and you need to deal with it. Yes, you should hate it. But the solution isn't necessarily to change her... it's to change you.
Did you ever have a big talk with her about it? Apologize? Ask her how she felt and what she'd want to resolve things? If porn broke up her parents' marriage, then she should feel betrayed... by both of you.
Don't worry about proving yourself to "not be a pervert." If that's your wife's take on it, you don't have much chance with her. You're not a pervert because you looked at porn, but you failed your step-daughter because you were less concerned about her feelings than about your own.
It sounds like your wife isn't very open to getting together; but your relationship with her step-daughter might be salvageable, if you are allowed to see her.
2006-10-12 08:27:36 · answer #1 · answered by Jennywocky 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-07-21 09:36:53 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well this is like when people say they got shot by cleaning their guns. They didn't. They got shot when playing with the gun and accidentally pulling the trigger.
In your case you say you were looking at porn. But how exposed were you and what else were you doing when she caught you? We need to know the rest of the story that you omitted.
As far as your wife, why don't you try being a man first instead of a little whiner completely dependent on another person for acceptance. Go get a pair and then try getting her back.
2006-10-12 06:55:36 · answer #3 · answered by kellermanintx 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That was definetely not cool. As a parent (step or otherwise) and just as an ADULT you should have CONSIDERED that there was a child in the house, and you should have locked the door, or waited until the child/children were asleep or something. Timing is everything.
You should have brought it to your wife. The fact that her daughter had to tell her put you in a very bad light like you WERE being a pervert, and in that kind of situation, I would look negatively at HER if she didn't DO something about it because it leaves questions to the imagination that maybe you WANTED the little girl to catch you, and then that leads to questions of pedophilia and stuff like that. This may not be the case, but you handled all of it in a very bad way.
Sadly to say, I don't see you winning her back. If you are ever involved with a woman with children again........RULE NUMBER ONE is your timing when it comes to adult things that children should not be exposed to. Things should be locked up or kept out of sight, out of reach, even if it means keeping things in the trunk of your car. Pornography should be treated as seriously as loaded weapons. Kids see enough sexual content on REGULAR TV, parents jobs are to protect their innoncence for as long as they can because they will be exposed to all this world has to offer SOON ENOUGH.
2006-10-12 06:49:37 · answer #4 · answered by lilac b 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Alittle late in getting around to wondering what you should do huh bub?
You mean she walked in...saw you...told Mom and you were immediately divorced? You think just looking at porn was the cause of the divorce?
You must think every one here is an idiot huh?
2006-10-12 06:47:29 · answer #5 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Haha, your wife left you because you looked at porn? Sounds like you won in that situation. Find someone more open-minded. This is your opportunity to escape the BS that you were roped into as a child.
2006-10-12 06:39:24 · answer #6 · answered by greeneyedprincess 6 · 1⤊ 3⤋
It is natural to be turned on or curious about the opposite sex. However, someone who looks at porn is not a pervert.
2006-10-12 06:39:21 · answer #7 · answered by cows4me79 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If you're waiting for answers to make your decision, your too late buddy. She's done ratted your azz out. Good luck!
2006-10-12 06:42:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off if that's why your wife divorced you, then that's crazy.
Yes, you should have told your wife. You weren't doing anything "wrong." You're a normal person.
Maybe you're better off getting out of that situation.
2006-10-12 06:41:20 · answer #9 · answered by OohLaLa 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
think you need to ask ur ex and step daughter that question.
2006-10-12 06:39:23 · answer #10 · answered by Melia 4 · 1⤊ 3⤋