I'm 30 weeks pregnant. I go to bed a few hours before him, and he's usually up playing video games or watching TV, but as soon as he knows I'm asleep, he looks at porn.
I've caught him a few times in the act, and he always comes up with an excuse like, "Well, you were sleeping" or "We didn't have sex today" but when I want sex he sometimes refuses! I asked him if it was the fact that I was pregnant, and he said no, it doesn't bother him, he still likes having sex with me. I told him that those were just excuses, and told him "come wake me up if you want sex! I wouldn't mind!" but he still does it!
It's not the fact that he's looking at porn (because we watch it together sometimes) it's the fact that he's doing that INSTEAD of having sex with me, and he's doing it behind my back.
What can I do to change this? Is it something I'm doing? Am I in the wrong?
Thanks!
2006-10-12 06:33:57 · 28 answers · asked by Huliganjetta 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I did post a similar question, but someone reported me and it got deleted before I could read all the answers.
2006-10-12 06:53:06 · update #1
He probably doesn't want to make you feel bad because he loves you, and you are having his baby........but be realistic, you are SHOWING I'm quite sure.
YOUR body doesn't look like it used to, and CERTAINLY doesn't look like the porno stars that he is watching on TV. Right now he doesn't SEE you as a SEX OBJECT or maybe not even and object of desire. He sees you as the mother of his child, who will give birth soon.
He is human, so he may occasionally still have sex with you.....but it's not the same. Just accept it, respect it, and know that it is only temporary. Now, if he is watching PREGNANT woman porn, and won't touch you.......then "Houston.....WE HAVE A PROBLEM". But otherwise, some men are just that way.
Have the baby, breast feed (it's healthy for the little one, and is a HECK OF A CALORIE BURNER.....not to mention, gives you big hooters even if temporary.....I always loved my bust line when I was breastfeeding, too bad they shrunk after I stopped. BUT ANYWAY...) work out after the baby is born so everything get's back to what it was previously, if not better than previously...
THEN....set up a camera......make a sensual mini movie and "leave it" in a place that he is sure to find it....even put a "look at me" sticker on it....and at the end of your little 'performance' on the video....tell him that there is room left on the video because it is reserved for HIM AND YOU to star in that portion. All of this in the months to come. You may or may not have the energy or time to do that.....but it's just an idea. You're preg and emotional right now. Don't let it bug you that much. It's just temporary.
2006-10-12 07:00:22 · answer #1 · answered by lilac b 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
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2016-07-20 11:13:21 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear madam
Please do not be worried, it may happens for many of couples but it shouldn't become a habit for the man.
I know sombody which had a problem like yours, she sent her husband to a psychologist and also she talked to that doctor too.
The doctor said that this is a periodical problem and will finished.
Just there is something Important: If your husband be job-less or depress or ... this problem will go on.
Your reactions must be devided in 2 parts : 1-Physically: you should make his body tired (by his own job or your requests) it will decrease the bad sexual drives.
2- Psychologically: you should find out what is his main problem.
as a matter of fact, this habit has been occur due to he wants to run away from a problem or a disappointment. your best action is to help him to solve the problem which he had in his mind.
Also You could remember him his responsibility about a child.
I wish you the best.
2006-10-12 07:31:02 · answer #3 · answered by MEHDI S 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, let me start by saying that it could be alot worse than porn. Answer this? Would you rather him watch porn, or go out and find somebody else to be intimate with? You are doing anything wrong, it's just human nature! Just take care of you and that baby- here before too long, things will change once again...Or, maybe surprise him with spontaneous sexual suggestions from time to time, just to re-direct his attentions towards you! Be the instigator- Have a porno in when he comes to bed! Suggest something new and different to spice things up!
2006-10-12 06:41:49 · answer #4 · answered by PBnJ 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I was engaged to someone like that. He would rather have sex with himself than me. It made me crazy. I tried everything to get his attention sexually. I called it off because I didn't want a sexless marriage. I think that he lacked the ability for true intimacy and I think that's why he preferred himself over a real live woman.
I don't think you are in the wrong. If he has always been this way, I don't know what to say. But if has only been since the pregnancy, that probably is more of the case. Some men feel strange having sex when their child is in the womb.
2006-10-12 06:44:28 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 1⤋
I didn't much care for having sex with my wife either while she was carrying the baby. Everything went back to normal afterwards, though. Hopefully there is not much more to it than that.
If things don't go back to normal after the baby is born, my suggestion would be to simply ask him what the problem is. If he cannot give you a straight answer, counseling may be in order to find out what the real issue is.
2006-10-12 06:51:32 · answer #6 · answered by Leroy 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he is afraid of hurting the baby. Suggest that he go to your next OB appointment with you. Maybe hearing the doctor say that it won't hurt the baby will make him feel more comfortable being intimate with you. Every man has sexual needs. If he is afraid of hurting the baby, perhaps watching porn is his way of releasing the sexual anxiety he is feeling. Until your next OB appointment, try suggesting alternatives to having sex (perhaps oral sex, or mutual masturbation). He may be more comfortable with that until after your baby is born. It is only for another 6-10 weeks, I am sure you can work things out. I hope all goes well with your pregnancy and your marriage.
2006-10-12 07:16:25 · answer #7 · answered by mickeymouselover 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I have lost two marriages because of porn. As a guy it is hard to admit that it can be an addiction. Maybe, your husband sees you as not as attactive, while you are pregnant. He must love you because the two of you are married. Also, you are carrying his child. Would it bother you if he looked at it and told you he was doing so? Just tell him you feel that he loves porn more than you.
2006-10-12 06:42:57 · answer #8 · answered by Olustee 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
When I was pregnant with my first child, my husband stop me from watching the porn movies thought we are watching together. after give birth I ask him Y. he said "what you thinking may effect the baby a old man told him that.'' And to them baby are part of them although scientific said no harm but man mentally does. maybe your husband heard of so he watch it secretly. Things will get better after birth.
2006-10-12 06:58:04 · answer #9 · answered by jass 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Idea before heading off to bed for the night, why dont you you turn it to porn and jump his bones,, and maybe you will surprise him enough that he wont alway flick to it when you are not around maybe he will start to include you.. even if you don't like porn you don't have to watch.. if it gets him going who care as long as your included
2006-10-12 06:38:53 · answer #10 · answered by just wondering 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋