I really like him alot, but all I do is travel back and forth to his house, and him to mine. I had asked a similar question before about this. I have a little girl, and I believe he is afraid of any kind of further committment because of this. I have been married once, and I have been totally committed to our relationship. I just can't figure out why we haven't gotten any closer in our relationship. I would think that the next step would be to move into together, or something to make our relationship a little more committed. I have had people make comments about how they need to "Get one like that" in reference to him having a woman that comes back and forth to him, and he still has his freedom and his house and nobody there to tie him down so to speak. I want to be in a more committed relationship. I have been asked out by another man, he is a little older than me, but he is so serious about me. He is very good to me. He knows my family well. What do I do??
2006-10-12 06:22:44 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Try to relax...Maybe ur thinking about things too much which is stopping you two from being closer together. If he's a good man keep him and try to make things better between the two of you. Good luck!
2006-10-12 06:25:09 · answer #1 · answered by Miss Thang 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At the risk of sounding like a copy cat-I totally agree with most of the other responses. The guy is already getting all the benefits of a relationship without the responsibilities and burdens of the commitment. Why would he want to commit to someone who is already giving him free service? He's already getting what he wants and you are not.
Shacking up is not a good option either. That is still not a real commitment, and you would not be setting a good example for your daughter.
I think you should give the older guy a chance to show you just how serious he is about you. If you want a serious commitment, you would do best to stop giving it up for free. It makes it too convenient for a man who is not really interested in commitment to use you for as long as he can make it last. While you are falling "in love" he generally will not be.
2006-10-12 07:44:44 · answer #2 · answered by Leroy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Considering you have 16 months invested I'd just ask him where he sees the two of you down the road. If he doesn't want to take it to the next level & happy with where things are then move on. If you want more than he does don't wait around for him to change his mind because he won't. Take a chance on the other guy. Maybe he wants the same thing out of a relationship that you do.
2006-10-12 06:28:21 · answer #3 · answered by tygernside 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't do it, break whatever off... if you must... keep him as a platonic friend. Aside from being creepy with the age difference... hes 10-11 years older than you... that's a big difference considering that men age faster than women and have a shorter life expectancy... The one useful piece of advice that my mom told me is that if you can't see yourself marrying them eventually you shouldn't be dating them - there is not point as dating is a 'test' for marriage. Besides that, ask yourself what to do... you posted on here and as such you surely can not be 100% OK with the situation as you are asking other people for advice on it... Also, to be honest with you - I was in a similar situation to you... when I was 17 (over a year ago) I had a crush on a 27 year old for a short time... but then it faded when I realized that the age difference just would not work out. People at that age are in a different stage of life than you are or I was (am), and they should be looking for some one to marry, settle down with and have children with. You are still in high-school (probably). I am now 18 (19 in december) and have been dating a 22 year old for over 9 months now. I am much much much happier than I think I ever would have been with the 27-year old, and my boyfriend is also in the same degree program as me in uni, and only a year ahead of me - we are in the same stage of life, and so are compatible. My dad married (had me and then eventually divorced) a woman 13 years his senior... it didnt go well... she was in a different stage of life, had already had a divorce, and was looking for someone to have children with. Its just not a good idea to have a relationship with someone who is in a different stage of life than you are.
2016-03-18 03:48:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The relationship can only progress to the next stage when both people are "ready". It happens naturally when both partners are on the same page. Sounds to me like he is definitely not ready, and it doesn't seem he's going to be ready anytime soon. 16 months is plenty enough time to sort out what one wants from a particular relationship... and he seems to be getting exactly what he wants!
If I were you, I would not be sitting around any longer, waiting for him to change his mind; he probably won't. Go out with the other man and see what develops there. Don't let a deadbeat relationship tie you down. Seems to me like you're wasting your time with this guy.
2006-10-12 06:56:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you told him that you want to take the relationship? If you have and he has yet to take any steps toward it, then you need to take is ACTIONS as being his answer to your question.
If he knows you want more, and isn't doing anything to go further toward a more serious step.......then he is content with things the way they are, and if you aren't content.....then you need to move on and open yourself to other possibilities until you find what you desire.
Seems that since you are considering other options, maybe it isn't this guy that won't commit that you are really in desire of. It seems that you are in desire of a committed relationship. If that is the case, then the man who is 'serious' about you is the one you should spend time with to investigate just how serious he is.
Because even he may just be 'seriously' pursuing you, but after his mission is completed, the challenge may be gone.
But it won't hurt to give him your attention to find out his true intentions toward you, your daughter, and your desire for a permanent guy.
2006-10-12 06:31:29 · answer #6 · answered by lilac b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You answered your own question, believe it or not. You have been with the same man for 16 months and you "like him alot". Girl, by this time the two of you should be head-over-heels in love. Move on and try out the the guy that wants what you want. You have definitely set up a sweet thing with your boyfriend. He has sex with you and then you go away.
2006-10-12 06:28:33 · answer #7 · answered by Simply Lovely 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your next step should be marriage, not shacking up out of wedlock with a child looking to you as a role model.
If you're schlepping to his house and climbing into his bed without any engagement or commitment or future plans, you're being a fool. Jokes that other men would like your kind of "service" says a lot-- I mean, honey, the way you're acting, he should be paying you, don't you think?
I'd end it with this guy tomorrow and treat yourself as a special woman who deserves so much more! Go out the with other man and even it it doesn't work out with him, END your service calls to "Mr. Terrific."
2006-10-12 06:29:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been going through the same thing, but it's 3 years later. You have to make a choice.... how much do you really like this person. I know I couldn't walk away for anything, but things are slowly and surely moving along. Some people are just scared to rush into things, but make sure his intentions are good.
2006-10-12 06:29:34 · answer #9 · answered by Marla C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a great boyfriend when my son was growing up. He seemed perfect except for one thing: he REALLY didn't want to commit. He didn't want to be a father to a child who wasn't his. This took me a long time to figure out & to assess the distance between us. I ended up ending things and though it was really hard, it was the best choice I ever made. Find someone who can be there for you AND your daughter. Older is good and serious about you is even better! Good luck!
2006-10-12 06:26:12 · answer #10 · answered by Gina S 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋