He lies, is explosive, and irresponsible!! you've gotta read this, I need good answers.?

Question

I have been working it out for almost 6 yrs. I wanted him because he was good looking and it made me feel better about myself and because the sex was better than I'd ever experienced. He never hit it off with my kids and was border-line abusive but kept vowing to work on getting better and he has a little on his temper but still not good. he used the kids as a reason to cheat more than once so I cheated to get even and still somehow we vowed to work it out and be a good family. He still lies about dumb things, is never home when he says, can't be counted on and never fallows through what he says. He wants to drink and smoke daily and I am a social drinker only these days. every time I try to leave him he says he'll do all these changes but never does, i am depressed and getting fatter everyday and yet I cant stand the thought of him being with anyone else. He has moved our family over 20 times in 5 yrs and is horrible at paying bills but I have no income without him. HELP!! answers??

Answer 1

This is a typical case of love is blind. I use to have a similar problem its so scary to leave and make it out on your own. But you know what? My life is so much better without him I actually have the things that I want out of life and have been able to provide to my kid and give her the things that she wants. I think even though things are so hard and they may seem impossible it isnt have hope and dont look at the things that you cannot control be strong. This relationship is never going to work when its important to know that actions mean more than any word ever will. He is never going to change and there are a lot of problems between the two of you that in my eyes will never be resolved. And for your same reason is the same reason why I stayed for so long was that I didnt like the thought of him being with someone else. But after just a few weeks of seperation I was over that and I didnt care anymore. You're probably focusing a lot on the good times you guys have had and its making blind to see whats going on around you. I think first and foremost you need to think about your kids happiness. Relationships will come and go in your life but your kids need you more than anyone else in this world ever will. Get things straightened out in your life there is no reason why you cant go things on your own learn to be dependant and get a job and start relying on yourself and you will be a much happier person once you know that you dont need anyone to make you happy you make yourself happy and only then should you consider getting into another relationship. So for now figure out what tools you have available to you and utilize them definitly leave and be strong when you do turn him off when he starts talking and when he does think about all the bad times, thats what got me through everything. I had stopped concentrating on the laughs we had when we actually enjoyed each and had stopped concentrating on how much I really needed him. But in all reality I didnt need him and it took me leaving every weekend for about a year to finally come to that conclusion. Dont waste anymore time I wasted years of my life knowing that it wasnt going to work but tried to think it could. Good luck to you and I wish you all the best.

Answer 2

This guy is a user and abuser, and I think you know that. These guys do NOT change. They will say what you want to hear when you try to leave just to keep you there and keep on doing what they want. Things will only get worse with the abuse. It may get better for a little while, but then he won't be able to handle it and he will explode. You may not realize or think this now, but this guy is dangerous, a ticking time bomb. You and your kids do NOT need to be there when that happens.

You can go to a friends or families home for awhile so you can get on your feet, get a job and a place to live. You can call a woman's shelter and live there. They will definitely help you to get on your feet, give you a place to live, and get you into counseling and classes that will help you to learn what the red flags are for these guys and how to stay away from them. They will lead you in the right direction for finding housing, a job, etc. You CAN make it on your own, you CAN get a job and support yourself and your kids.

Those kids come first, NOT your feelings for someone. If you don't leave this a**hole, then you are not thinking of your kids, but only of your own feelings. This guy has put you down so much that he has you believing that you can't make it on your own. That is so NOT true. You and your kids need some counseling, some serious help, to be able to get thru this. Leave and get help NOW before something more serious happens. Do this not only for your own sanity and safety, but also for your kids sanity and safety.

Answer 3

First step: Get your head on straight about your priorities. What do you want for yourself which doesn't include him? Leave and don't look back. The road ahead will seem dismal but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Your only concern must be the welfare of those kids. I think that should you continue with this hopeless situation, your kids will call you on that when they grow up. Then what will you tell them. That you let this guy make their life miserable because you needed someone to sleep with? Good luck

Answer 4

Okay...STOP IT!!!
Take a step back and look real hard at your situation, the way you feel, and the way you're being treated.
Now, look at your children. IS THIS HOW YOU WANT THEIR LIFE TO TURN OUT? Because you are teaching your children that this is how relationships should be. If you have any girls, they are learning to take abuse and be submissive. If you have any boys, they are learning that this is the way women and children are to be treated.
STAND UP FOR YOURSELF and break it off right now. So what if money is tight? You're perfectly capable of working and you should go get a job right now. There is plenty of help out there for you via government aid. Babysitting, groceries, housing, and help finding employment or getting educated for a job.
YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO EXCUSE!!!!!

Sorry to be tough about it but only a real friend would tell you these things.

Answer 5

I was in the same situation and they never change. And once he started taking it out on my kids thats when he regreted it. I ran over him with the car when he got in the way cause I was going to leave him. And my brother kicked his ***, He was in my house throwing me out and got my son which was also his and pushed him out of the house that he hit the cement, My brother lived a couple of door down from me, So when he heard he went over there and hit him with a beer bottle. But it never does change no matter what he tells you or how many times. You got kids, thats what should matter to you the most than some guy, And you dont want him hurting your children. If hes lousy with the bills what difference would it make if your on your own with no income. Go with family for a while, And the government can provide you assistance.

Answer 6

So you liked this guy for looks, sex, self worth and money.
He and your children did not get along.
This is how you based your choice.
Ok. Now what to do.
He says he will change but what was his incentive? He has tried to stay with you so he cares at least that much. I am not sure what you are calling abuse, it could be both of you fighting, that's abuse both ways. Might he drink to forget about fighting with you? Smoking is a mask over stress.
Would he be worth it if both stopped fighting?
I'd not wnat you to stay and be harmed. It is not good for children to see adults fighting.
But there are things that both parties do that makes things worse.
There are things that both can do to make things better.
And take the fights outside away from the children. (If you are in a public place he is less likely to get physical, and women are less likely to be as vocal in the fight, it feeds in a cycle, men hate being berated, women hate getting hit, men are physical and women are verbal, and each hate that about the other.)

Answer 7

Yeah, but what if he has a good heart, and what if he does love you and our children more than air....
What if there are plenty of good times that are not aired in this question?
waht about all the times He/I has/Have helped through a strugglish issue, death, other people's relationships grenading, he was there for you?
What if the abuse that you refer to, is just as simple as a hand resting on the head, that you are scared from a long time ago may turn to corporal punishment, but doesn't anymore.


Look at the good of this person, before you dwell, and overglorify the bad, and make a potentially wrongful decision.

Answer 8

first do not get offend if you get some harsh answers on this site
Starting with me
Girl I want to bit you
MOVE ON MOVE ON
1- YOU deserve better
2- your children deserve better
3-You don't need a man to make you meserable your children & life can do that for you (children bring stress as well a hapinest)

Time for you to kick him to the curve you will survive talk to your kids about your decision
go get a job before you leave at least enought to pay your rent
life maybe hard the first years but it will be much better I guarantee, you probably already lost the respect of your children
so earn it back by leaving someone that is not only abusive to you but to them as well
By the way I have never tell people to get on WELFARE
well for your sake go get it if welfare is still exit this the reason it was create

Good Luck

Answer 9

I guess my question to you is why are you still with this guy? You're clearly unhappy and with the things he's doing it's safe to assume that he probably isn't happy as well. My suggestion which I'm sure you already know or probably have thought about is to move on! You need to get things together for yourself and your children. I don't know how old your children are but kids are very receptive and think about the way they must feel seeing you so unhappy. Remember this affects them too. If anything, move on for them! They deserve happiness just like you do. Good luck!

Answer 10

I will try to answer your question in the most simple way as I can.
I have witnessed you fall overboard (by no fault of your own) but I can see that you have tangled your leg in the anchor rope and now the anchor is taking you to the depths that you will never recover from.
I can only hand you the knife to cut yourself free so that you have the opportunity to give life another chance after you have seen the light. I can't make you cut the rope - I can only show you the way out.