My boyfriend thinks that this is "weird". Before we had kids (we have two) our sex life was good. After having our kids, my interest in sex has diminished a lot. He still wants it all the time and he does get it on a consistent basis but he has to initiate it. I've told him that my reasoning why my interest has diminished is because I have more things on my mind (i.e. taking care of the kids, more responsibilities). I know that just because we have kids doesn't mean that I should stop enjoying being a woman but it gets hard. Is it "weird" that I've lost my interest in sex even though I'm in my early 30's?
2006-10-12 05:47:39 · 19 answers · asked by ButterflyJ 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
No, it's not weird. If you talk to women, most of them lost a lot of their sex drive when they had kids. Your attention is focused on the kids too much. To get it back you need to focus more on yourself, and your needs. I know it's hard. I'm going through this now. It's important to have a healthy sex life in a marriage. But I also know how hard it is to turn off your mommy in you and become the women you were before. But it is possible with some effert. When we're in our room the kids aren't allowed to just come in anymore. Also, try having a date night. Even if it's once a month and focus all your attention on each other. Put the kids to bed early so you 2 have some alone time. It's important to have some adult time. I think men have a hard time understanding, because most of the time it's the women that do most of the every day child rearing, like get drinks, wipe butts, kiss boo boos, referee..etc........... I think they would have a better idea if women could go on strike for a month.
However a lot of women make the mistake of telling themselve s that the kids need them more than therir husbands. And that when the kids are older it will get better. That's the wrong approach. How long would you stay in a relationship where you felt totally ignored and unwanted? And you felt like you were bugging your partner when you asked for sex? I was like you. My husband got sex regularly, I thought I was doing my job. But that's the problem, it shouldn't be just another chore you need to do, it should be something you want to do. Having sex with someone because they feel obligated isn't as satisfying as making love to somebody thats enjoying it. It keeps you connected as a couple.
Good Luck.
2006-10-12 05:57:44 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is not weird at all, I did the same thing. It caused huge problems. I decided to just keep making myself be fake at one point I hated having sex so much because it was so fake that I would find things to do to stay so busy that"not now" was obvious! I think in the end it really pushed him away. Take control of it now. Check out if there are any pills to boost your sex drive and talk to your OB /GYN about it, there is help. Needless to say we divorced and I haven't had any problems since, we just lost interest in one another though, but it was hormonal for me. Good luck
2006-10-12 05:55:07 · answer #2 · answered by cutipi_1977 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think and know it is totally normal. Always remember before you were a wife or a mom you were a woman and you should take care of your needs too. Make time for yourself like your hair, nails, ect. I have had the same problem I have an 8 yr old soon and I was single for 4 yrs before my current relationship and I had to change my sons schedule to go to bed earlier. I always also find it helpful to take a shower as soon as I get home and one before bed that eases me and relaxes me to be able to get in the mood. Give it a try and good luck.
2006-10-12 06:13:15 · answer #3 · answered by martica595500 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No its actually very common. Many women start to enjoy it again after having their tubes ties and dont have to worry about getting pregnant again. It lets them get at least on major thing off their mind. Hint: Try and plan a get together once a week with your hubby and be ready for it. Get anything out of your way that may detract from the session. He will like it to because he will be anticpating it. Good luck and have some fun... GaryT
2006-10-12 06:00:15 · answer #4 · answered by gary t 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely not weird!
One thing that's going to need to happen, if it isn't happening already, is that you're going to need to schedule time that is just for the two of you. Get rid of the kids, or at the very least teach them that if the door is closed, they are not to even knock unless something is bleeding or on fire. Otherwise the kids will end up being your higher priority because they make the loudest demands for your time.
2006-10-12 05:52:01 · answer #5 · answered by Katie S 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is normal.Responsiblities diminishes your self intrest.But you should not forget that your boyfriend is also a part of your responsibily you cannot ignore him like that.You should balance them. Taking up one responsibility does not mean ignoring others.You are too young to give up all the pleasures of life Make up your mind to keep him also happy otherwise if he loses interest, maybe more worse.
2006-10-12 06:02:23 · answer #6 · answered by Res J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it's not wierd hun . It happens to the best of us . I'm 47 years old and I had the samething happen to me . Talk to your doctor . If your on birthcontrol pills they maybe the culpritt . The hormones are the wierd ones and they could be causing the problem . If your not on them then find a babysitter and you and hubby go for some R&R . It could be the mother instinct that has taken your Mojo . Good luck and keep trying .
2006-10-12 05:54:30 · answer #7 · answered by sunshine41_2001usa 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think this is very common. Maybe you can set aside one or two nights during the month and make them date nights. Get rid of the kids so you have an empty house to come home to. Go out and have fun and then suprise him with candel lights at bedside and good foreplay and then... Make time for him or he may down the road look elsewhere to fulfill his needs. Best wishes to you both.
2006-10-12 05:51:22 · answer #8 · answered by Acid Burn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
while not "weird" really as ive heard that can happen.... you have to admit that not a great thing. if this is happening in your early 30 whats it going to be like in your late 40s or 50s.
i would suggest having a talk with him. try to come to some arrangement (but not a planned schedule as thats not fun as it makes it more like a chore) just try to find a happy and SEXY place in the middle
good luck
2006-10-12 05:52:33 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know, I don't have kids. But, as an opinion, maybe you just need to learn to relax and lose yourself in the moment. Or maybe everything associated with childbirth has made you so aware of your child producing abilities that you can't think of sex as anything else.
2006-10-12 05:51:37 · answer #10 · answered by jbrowning001 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋