I am a white man who has been happily married for 4 years. I decided to suprise my wife by doing some housework, so I washed all the clothes, folded them, and put them away. In the process, I found a large black dildo in my wife's dresser drawer. I have not confronted her yet because I want to calm down and think. Does this mean that I am not satisfying her? Does the fact that it is black mean that she is bored or hungry for something different? Can you help me undertstand? I don't want sympathy...just raw honesty.
2006-10-12 05:27:48 · 22 answers · asked by JJ J 1 in Beauty & Style ➔ Makeup
They might not have made white ones like the one she has, the color of it shouldn't alarm you, they come in all colors from bright green to purple. Dont be shocked about it because most of all women have dildos. even married ones. My husband knows about all the toys i have, maybe she didn't feel comfortable or didn't want you to feel inadequate so she didn't show you. Why not introduce the idea of getting some sex toys together. It will make her more comfortable and show that you are interested in really spicing things up.
2006-10-12 05:59:38 · answer #1 · answered by Curious 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, wow. You willingly, and on your own, did chores. I would faint if my husband did that! Then I would have to make sure I showed my appreciation :-)
Unless you got married as a teen, she might have had the dildo before you two got married. Many women have toys to help keep them satisfied in between relationships. It's not a reflection on you, nor does it mean you aren't satisfying her. As for the color, it doesn't mean anything either. They come in all colors, so she may have picked a basic black just because she didn't want blue, purple, green, or some other funky color. It's a neutral color, not an indication of racial preference or anything like that.
No matter when she bought it, or what color or size it is, just accept it. Women are different from men. Period. We can't all be happy just to have a hand to use; some want something more for stimulation.
If you feel like it, ask her about it. I'm sure she'll tell you as long as you are honest about how you found it. Who knows, it may even add some spice to your bedroom.
2006-10-12 05:42:09 · answer #2 · answered by welches_grape_jelly 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Man, that's a toughie. My last girlfriend pulled out the "Double - A's" on me and that was the end of that relationship. Goodbye. Dildo's a bit different than a vibrator. It doesn't desensitize a woman to the normal poke and thrust. The fact that it was black has no meaning. They come in all colors. If it was green would that mean that she was fantisizing about a Martian? So I would say that her hormones are running a little high and you been doing other things than taking care of your night work. Plus you need to brush up on your oral skills. You do it right and she'll follow you around like a moon-eyed heifer. Most guys think they know all about that but really don't know a damned thing. Forget the black thing. And don't confront her, whatever you do. That could be counterproductive. Just wait one night and whip that baby out and use it one her.
2006-10-12 05:55:17 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I have to commend you for taking the time to calm down and think before you confront her. That takes cojones. It's totally understandable that you'd feel freaked out and threatened by what you found, but I wouldn't recommend jumping to conclusions before talking with your wife. It sounds like you two have a good relationship since you describe yourself as happily married and I'm sure she appreciates the love you show by surprising her with the hosuework.
For many women, myself included, sex toys are just that--toys. They're inherently a bit silly and funny when you think about it. I mean, what woman is REALLY attracted to a hot pink jelly-shaped penis, or one shaped like a rabbit for that matter? Because they're not attached to a man, they don't necessarily have to represent reality or what we're attracted to in real men. She may have gotten the dildo as a joke gift from a friend and found herself curious--who knows. At the very least, I'd take it as a positive sign that you're married to a woman who's open to exploring her sexuality a bit. I think you should just let her know that you found it and that you'd like to talk about it with her. Open communication can only lead to better, more fulfilling sex for both of you! And who doesn't want that? Good luck--let us know how it goes.
2006-10-12 05:43:50 · answer #4 · answered by Nikka 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
These things come (excuse the phrase) in all sorts of colours, and she may have had it since before you were married.
Its not the colour that counts its the amazing vibrations they can produce, which obviously a regular human being cannot.
Don't feel threaten, but use as a chance to experiment, after 4 years BOTH of you might be a bit set in your ways, fine if suits both of you, but if you or your partner would like to try something new, this might be the time to raise the subject
2006-10-12 05:33:53 · answer #5 · answered by Breeze 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really would not take it personally at all.
Also, don't jump to conclusions. Could this be something she has had since before you? Could it have been a gag gift at her bachelorette party if she had one? The color probably does not mean anything either....those things also come in hot pink and tye dye too!!
Again, don't take it personally....I don't think this has any indication on whether you're satisfying her or not. Tell her you found it though for sure.....it may even mean more fun in the bedroom for you guys!!
2006-10-12 05:35:21 · answer #6 · answered by Just Me 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Relax. The color may mean nothing more than it was the one on sale. I agree with the previous answer that it doesn't mean you aren't satisfying her. Instead of "confronting" her, ask her, while you two are having fun, if she'd like to play with her "toy", too. It may add a whole new level to the good times.
BTW - congrats on doing some housework! You definitely get brownie points for that.
2006-10-12 05:34:41 · answer #7 · answered by Book0602 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hehehehhe... Oh, Oh... The husband found it... Don't say anything to her.. Well you can if you like... But maybe you have a wife that is a little bit kinkier than you think she is.... Next time when you both are going to make love or have sex, get it out and use it on her too.... Sometimes us women like it really wild.... heheeh.. There is nothing wrong with toys... My fiance' and I toys all the time.. It spices it up. Good luck.
2006-10-12 07:53:30 · answer #8 · answered by Azn-lady 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went into my parents room when I was a teenager, opened my Dad's bedside drawer to look for something... and I saw the same thing- no kidding! I wonder if there's such a thing as being so shocked that you can't even feel or think anymore,.... I instantly forgot what I was looking for... Later I just thought to myself that maybe it was an addition to whatever they thought was fun in their bedroom. I never judged or thought beyond what I saw... Maybe you should tell your wife about your discovery and ask her if she wants a threesome with Mr.D. (wink,wink)... Take it with humor, dude.
2006-10-12 05:39:22 · answer #9 · answered by justmemimi 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she is just hungry alot more than you think. It does not mean you are not doing it for her or that she want's to go somewhere different. Maybe she is a little kinkier than you know and she can't bring herself to talk about it or she doesn't know how.I am speaking from expeience, I am a woman who was in that position. Go out, have a few cocktails { to get rid of inhabitions) and when you are starting to " play" bring it up then in a sexy way.Fun for both!!!!Good luck and have fun!
2006-10-12 05:33:24 · answer #10 · answered by Piper 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋