Yesterday I over heard my wife talking on the phone to a friend about our marriage.She didnt know i could hear her. She was telling a girlfriend that she dosent know if she is happy with our marrage. She thinks she wants to divorce. We have 2 young boys 2 & 3. I have been helping her as much as possable with the house and the boys. I'm self employed about 10-12 hours a day. I help cook dinner, clean dishes and give the kids baths befor bed time. She stays home with them to care for them. She has changed towards me emotionally and physically. a year ago joined the gym and lost about 25 lbs. Im in the best shape of my life. I really dont know what to do. She does not know i heard her on the phone. Should i tell her I heard her on the phone? What shoudl i do? I so confused?
2006-10-12 05:23:59 · 42 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
One thing that a woman doesn't like is not having her privacy with another girl friend. If you tell her you were listening to a private conversation then she'll think you do it all the time & don't trust her. Take her on a date & have small talk. Ask her if every thing is ok with her & you feel she has put some distance between you. My ex-husband would take care of the house & kids while I got away for the weekend. Just to have time for myself. When I was a stay home mom I would tend to feel like I lost who I was. Maybe she is feeling the same way and if she wasn't married she would find herself again. She needs to know that she is more than a wife, mother, maid, nurse, organizer, referree and all the other hats that come along with being a stay home mom. She wants to feel like HER again before there was the ring & kids.
2006-10-12 06:04:08 · answer #1 · answered by tygernside 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to mention that you heard the conversation. That's up to you, but I think that will put her in defense mode. She's not happy. She thinks it has to do with you... It may be and it may not. She's confused. Help her out. Maybe don't approach right away. I know that you're feeling like you're doing a lot and helping out at home but marriage isn't about housework. It's about the relationship between you two. When you see her next, give her a hug. Peck her on the forwhead, tell you love her and go one about what you were doing.
It's always the little things. Next time you go to fill up on gas, buy her her favorite candy bar and leave it somewhere for her to find it. If you hear her say that her feet hurt, tell her you'll rub her feet before you go to bed, and get some oils out and do it 100%.
After a week or so of doing "the little things", if you haven't seen a change in her mood and attitude, maybe it's time to talk. But as I'm reading your notes, it just sounds like routine and boredom.
Best of luck.
2006-10-12 06:20:25 · answer #2 · answered by Lola 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Part of your issue is that she is not talking to you about her feelings and you don't know you can discuss it with her.
You described all the things that a kid looks at when they see their parents raising them. They hear help around the house and take care of business. They do not see passion and love. Did you guys forget to be a couple. When was the last date?
Let her know you overheard and tell her it bothers you greatly.
Tell her you wish to inject some romance back into your relationship and see what she says. Marriage counseling might work but you may have better results if you spend your money on a date night and a sitter. Remind her that she is also responsible for her marriage as well and that she should be discussing this stuff with you. Do not accept criticism for listening as you apparently need to to find out what shes been thinking.
2006-10-12 05:36:30 · answer #3 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If what you say is true..there need to be more men like you. I am a stay at home mom and my hubby works the same hours..when he gets home he wants to sit down and soap up the air. He is a pump truck driver so he is outside all day. Your wife should really apprieciate everything you do for her. Lucky to be so fortunate to stay home with the babies. I would talk to her and tell her how you feel and what you can do to make things better for her. She could be depressed. She had 2 babies in a year looks like and that takes a toll on your body. Great job on losing the weight but what about emotionally? She may have an acute postpartum depression. Keep up helping out you have no idea how much it helps me out when my hubby does things for me.
2006-10-12 08:32:45 · answer #4 · answered by angieblount112404 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
having you around the house all day may be annoying her. Why don't you get a 8-5 job so you don't see each other all day! She's probably getting into a routine. Also- she might have met someone else or you're not satisfying ehr needs. Why don't you talk to her. Don't tell her you over heard her on the phone then she's really gonna get pissed at you . Listen to her when she tells you what she wants out of you. Maybe she doesn't want you at all. Even if you have kids together- if there's no love your marriege can turn into living hell.
2006-10-12 05:52:44 · answer #5 · answered by Ms.Budonkadonk 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sadly I agree with "imloook" some women don't like nice guys and get bored with them, I guess. If she stays at home and you work and do all that, you must be a push over. My husband doesn't do any of that stuff, and he is a nice guy. I think you should confront her about that phone call, so what if you overheard her, you pay the bills you have the right to listen to what ever in your house. There must be something else going on, because you sound too good.
2006-10-12 05:35:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like the type of man any woman would be crazy about...not too many these days that would do all that you do to help around the house.....she's doesn't know a good thing when she has it !
Sounds like you need to bring the romance back into your marriage...dinner, dancing, movies just the two of you, walks on the beach, things that you use to do before children. She could be missing this, as having 2 young children can really take a lot out of the relationship....romance, romance, romance !
I wish you luck :)
2006-10-12 05:47:33 · answer #7 · answered by ne_patriots2005 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her about what you heard, let her know that you weren't eavesdropping, but you heard the conversation none the less.
Ask her is there something that you aren't doing, or if there is something that is wrong that can be fixed or addressed. Let her know that you love her, and that you are willing to do whatever it takes to keep her as your wife, and most of all in love with you.
Let her know that from time to time that you may need a little help because you aren't 'all knowing', so there may be things that get by you. But the thing that you DO know is that losing her love, her presence in your life, and her admiration are things that you just couldn't bear to lose.
Ask her what is it that you need to do.......and tell her you will DO it, starting from THAT moment. AND REALLY DO IT. WORDS WITHOUT ACTIONS are just lies.
Good luck.
(man, I need to get paid for these pearls of wisdom I give to men!) LOL
2006-10-12 05:48:47 · answer #8 · answered by lilac b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you work 10-12 hrs a day, do house work, raise the kids, joined a gym and lost wieght to be more appealling to her and she still thinks of divorce? Let her go. You should tell her that you 2 should go seperate ways, actually hearing it may change her mind. Godd luck, especially for the kids.
2006-10-12 05:38:59 · answer #9 · answered by Floss 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is the perfect time to have an open and frank discussion on your relationship with her. get the kids to bed and talk with her. do not be hostile or aggressive or she will either tell you what you want to hear or shut down. you want neither of those options but start small and talk to her it maybe that she was have a bad moment or hour or day. Sometime i think how i might want to go but then something snaps me back real fast so do not think too too much about it but you do need to talk and communicate with her now before you or her does something that both of you will regret
2006-10-12 06:03:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋