My boyfriend has more than $30,000 in credit card debt that he wants me to help pay off. He amassed an additional $30,000 debt three years ago but rolled this into his mortgage. I don't think I should help pay for any of this debt. Do you agree?
2006-10-12 05:14:59 · 56 answers · asked by areyoukidding 4 in Social Science ➔ Gender Studies
I got this off the web and would like the answer for myself as well. I was in a simular situation and would like to see if you all agree by your answers. Thanx
2006-10-12 05:16:32 · update #1
Help him write out a budget, lend him support - BUT - don't lend him any money. He soulds like he needs to grow up and learn how to spend his money the right way, and maybe to save some toooo
2006-10-12 05:18:02 · answer #1 · answered by akelaamy 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
friend, you are absolutely insane if you help pay anyone Else's debts. Take it from a middle-aged gal who's been there. I dated a younger man for 5 years and my credit is still in the toilet. He had me open cell phone accounts for him and his friends, run up thousands on my credit cards, pay his way when he was unemployed. He tried to get me to buy motorcycles for him and my son, but my credit was maxed at that point and it did not happen. All in the name of love, of course. These were to be joint-debts and he was going to help me pay all this off. Then the drinking, and drugs, and domestic abuse started. Eventually, I obtained a restraining order and had him arrested. He made bail, skipped state, and I 'm left with the bills. Unless you help this man to accumulate this debt, please don't put yourself into that situation. I sure wish I hadn't.
2006-10-12 05:32:33 · answer #2 · answered by Lynda 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I completely agree. If you all were married and it happened while you were together then I could see you helping him.
You also need to realize this will affect you if you all continue your relationship even into marriage. If you all are wanting to buy something together and finance then more than likely it may start going on your credit or in your name. Also if you all married and something happened to him... it would be your debt.. (happened with my father and mother. My mother passed away and since they were married the debt fell on him even though it was not in his name.)
I know that wasn't part of your question but I thought I would throw that in there.
Back to your question though, I would say he needs to pay it. If he got himself into that debt then he has to get himself out of it. If he don't like that answer then he can hit the road!
2006-10-12 05:27:56 · answer #3 · answered by Keith Perry 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not help him pay off his debt until you are married and then it becomes your debt too. Unless of course you helped him get into debt.
If you are living with him pay him a reasonable amount of rent. This will help cover the mortgage and is something you would probably do if you were renting a place together anyways.
2006-10-12 07:29:05 · answer #4 · answered by hazydaze 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, it's not YOUR debt, it's HIS debt, and he is the one that should be paying it. If you do decide to help him pay it off, be smart about it...tell him he HAS to pay you every cent back that you help him pay off, have something drawn up by a lawyer and notarized with both of your signatures, showing how much you gave him and that he is required to pay that back....that way, since you are just boyfriend/girlfriend and not married, if you two break up for some reason, you won't be out of your money and he will be LEGALLY required to pay you back, with this little document made up by a lawyer, it will stand up in court and he will HAVE to pay you. I got screwed out of around $4000 from my ex-fiance, had I been smart and had something drawn up by a lawyer, I could have got that money back. Just my opinion, but if he keeps adding up debt the way he has up to now, you better think long and hard before you marry this man because he could damage your credit, too.
2006-10-12 05:43:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
lol i was about to say no, but there is such an overwhelming "no"s that i want to think a different way
now imagine if we turned the situation the other way, should you help a girlfriend pay the debt? ... and why is it different when guys are in the other shoe ... (just think about it, if my girlfriend came to me asking for help, i would put all my efforts into helping her) ... though i would be smart about it and make her help herself .. but still its like guys have an obligation to help where as women can run away .. you know what i mean
2006-10-13 20:47:34 · answer #6 · answered by Dark D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally I would not pay off the debt. Unless you helped to incur this debt or encouraged him to, you have no responsibility to pay it off.
Besides, if you were to pay off that debt, what would stop him from incurring even more debt? If he persists in having you pay the debt, get a lawyer and write up a legal contract saying that you'll pay it off and setup a repayment schedule.
2006-10-12 05:21:53 · answer #7 · answered by Rafael C 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
NO! He is in a cycle of debt. Money is one of the biggest killers of a relationship! If you are feeling guilty because some of the debt was in support of you then resolve that but do NOT pay off his card in his name!
2006-10-12 05:26:06 · answer #8 · answered by elly_knows 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, unless you are serious about marrying him in the near future, I would not mix money with relationships. My fiance and I had separate accounts for 6 years and finally recently just joined two accounts when we set a date for the wedding. Also I am paying for his law school tuition with my graduate school stipend. Unless the relationship is serious and you can trust the guy I wouldn't pay for his bills.
2006-10-12 05:23:40 · answer #9 · answered by graduate student 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should help him only if you want to help mold him into a dependent, impotent loser while making yourself an easy mark for future whinings that he will likely lay on you as he continues getting himself into greater debt due to his immature approach to money and responsibility. He has no right to ever say that he wants your help--this shows a lacking of character. Good luck with your boytoy
2006-10-12 07:32:13 · answer #10 · answered by heyrobo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋