help! im scared and im traped?

Question

how do i tell my fiance that i have been with for 4 years that i dont love him any more and that i love someone else. i have kids with my fiance and i dont want to hurt him or make my family mad at me for breaking up with him. please help me

Answer 1

You know life comes with changes and we have to accept them as they are. You need to tell him just what you have put in writing here. You didn't plan to fall out of love with him, but things change and well so did your heart, something must have got the ball rolling in that direction. Maybe not enough attention was paid to the relationship and to each other, you both could have been to busy working and the kids ect. The bottom line is as you say you just don't love him that way anymore, it is best for your whole family if you move on and you will still share some of your lives with each other as you have the children together.
Your family and his will get over the break up it's not their lives any way. Hopefully they will offer a great deal of support to help you both get through this.You are not married and have been together four years and have children together that should tell you something right there.....chin up, take a stand and get going there is life to be lived. Just be sure this is really what you want!!
~good Luck~

Answer 2

Have you asked yourself why you don't love him?

Has he done anything in particular to make you stop loving him, or did you not love him in the first place?

Let me tell you, the grass always looks greener on the other side. If you are using this new relationship as a way to escape and make your life seem more exciting, then its going to fail.

The same issues or problems you have within you will come up in this new relationship.

Before you leave your fiance, you have to do everything in your power to make sure your decision is the right one. This decision should be carefully thought out. The consequences should be looked at and analyzed.

Remember, you both have children together who will be affected by your choices.

Individual and couples counseling is a must.

If this new person that you love, genuinely loves you then he will understand that you need the time to make sure you're making the right decision for your family and yourself.

It'll be damn shame if you break up you home and a then months later the new relationship doesn't last.

Answer 3

Just because you have kids with someone it doesn't mean you're trapped. He's going to be hurt no matter what you do so you need to just be upfront with him now. Your family will probably be mad, but they're your family and will still love you. This other guy, does he feel the same way you do? There's a saying, "Don't leave the one you love for the one you like, because one day the one you like will leave you for the one he loves." You say you love him, but are you sure? If you're going to lose your fiance over this, is this other guy really worth it? If the answer's no, then you need to get the other guy out of your life now and work on getting things fixed with your fiance. Good luck and be strong.

Answer 4

Every man you sleep with needs to be viewed from the perspective of a being potential father of potential children, and guys- it works both ways. You better be darn sure you want that person in your life for awhile (18-21 years). I'm not saying "absitinence only" or anything like that. But the fact remains, in our "instant gratification" culture, too few people think far wnough ahead and they get themselves into these sticky situations. You have a choice now, you could stick with your "babydaddy", (who, for the purposes of this answer, and based on your question), is not completely horrible, unlovable or abusive in any way, (if he is you need to look at why you chose him in the first place before you think about finding someone else, and by all means call it quits with him right away), and stick it out, learn to love him again, try couples therapy, etc. OR, you could chase some probably at this point, lust-filled pipe dream, that may or may not work out, and drag your innocent children along for the ride. You need to decide what is more important, your childrens stability, or your own selfish desires. If you choose the latter, it's really simply a matter of taking at least that very small amount of responsibilty and telling him you've moved on. If you can't even do that, I fear for your children's future.

Answer 5

You have to be honest. You can't marry someone you don't love. I don't care if you have kids. If you don't love him now and get married how will you feel about him in 5 years? Hate, resentment? Will you to be fighting because you want to give him an excuse to leave you? Do you want your kids to grow thinking marriage is this way? Or do you want to be happy and or your kids to be happy and have healthy relationships.

I am a firm believer that two people should not stay together for the kids. If two people can walk way and manage to be civil with each other thats all that matter. You two can move on and your kids can see that you two are happy with each other and your new relationships. Don't keep your kids from him maybe even do things together as a family.

Keep in mind that he may hate you for doing this and may never forgive you and he may never be able to be civil with you. But you might be surprised that he feels the same way as you do.

It's a hard choice to make that only you can make. Don't let your family, friends, or anyone on here (even me) influence your choice. It's your life not ours.

Answer 6

Your not as trapped as you believe. Your concerns for everyone else's are making you a prisoner. You have to put yourself and your children first. If your not happy and not in love any longer. Than it's best to be honest.
Of course if he has feelings for you and doesn't know there's a problem. He is going to be hurt. He will move on with time. As far as your family. Living life according to the way your family thinks you should. Is not being fair to yourself.
The children will adapt. The more civilized and decent you are to one another. The healthier the children will be. Good luck

Answer 7

This is how many ppl end up in divorce, ask yourself these questions: 1. is he physically/mentally abusing me or my kids? 2. Does he do things for me, even when I don't ask?
3. What is it about him I love so much? What is it about him that made you fall in love the first time? Don't do anything without thinking it through first, because even though this "other man" may just be a fling at first. In the end your kids would be the ones to be hurt the most. Good luck to you either way.

Answer 8

You must be very sure about your feelings you have a 4 year history with this person and children to consider but if you really no longer love him then you have to be open and honest with your fiance. Everyone deserves to be with someone they love and your fiance certainly deserves to be with someone who loves him.

You cannot avoid the hurt, anger and resentment that this will cause but time heals all wounds.

Good Luck and I do feel for you, I can't imagine what you must be going through.

Answer 9

I think that you should do some soul searching to make sure that you are really in love with this other person and make sure that he is the type of guy who loves children since children are involved. Then if after that you still want to be with that guy you need to set a time to talk to your fiance. do not tel him it is for another guy you don't need to lie just tell him that your feelings for him aren't the same anymore and you think it would be better if you guys weren't together.

Answer 10

You need to sit down with him and have a heart-to-heart conversation to let him know how you feel. It's not fair to him to stay with him if you love someone else. He can still make arrangements to visit the kids. As far as your family is concerned, I'm sure they'd understand...they want you to be happy. Good luck.