He's Polish, I'm English n we have a baby n another on the way. He doesn't take me out, but if a member of his family visits, he makes the time n effort to take them out. This has been going on for over a year. He took me out once to a restaurant n he thinks that's enough. I reckon he's ashamed to be seen with me bcos i'm over weight. I don't speak Polish but i'm trying to learn, but he speaks to our child in Polish but does not translate. I'm feeling a bit tearful right now. He's just gone to London with his sister n left me n the baby alone again. I'm pretty much isolated n heavy-hearted about it. Is ne1 going thru ne thing similar or is there ne sound advice. I'll just add that I've argued with him n he feels he's right n I'm wrong. I hate my stupid life right now.
2006-10-12 05:09:21 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You are being treated as if you are invisible and he is diminishing you and your value as a person. He doesn't appear to respect you. This is easier said than done, but you have to do something about this. People will treat you the way you allow them to. I would seek counselling and don't tell him (at first). You need a professional counsellor with whom to express your feelings. You are very sad and depressed. You only have this one shot at life and you deserve to be appreciated and valued as an equal in any relationship. I think this counsellor will ask you to convey to your husband how he is treating you, how you feel about that treatment, and what you want changed. I think by now he has you feeling so "small," that you don't have the self-confidence to defend yourself, or perhaps you are afraid of being left alone. Your weight is the least of your problems right now. Once you figure out how to find yourself in the midst of this unhappiness, the weight will start coming off. Find counselling. Good luck.
2006-10-12 05:16:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My advice...don't be home when he returns from London...don't leave a note, a phone number NOTHING!
Pack up items that he would notice that are missing and get out, go stay with friends or your parents or somewhere....you do not deserved to be treated this way.
I've been there....12 years and 3 children later I got smart and kicked him out!
Your husband is treating you like a doormat, figures you will always be around to cater to him.....well this is the twenty century, the time for treating women this way has long since gone !
I wish you luck with whatever you decide :)
2006-10-12 05:21:51 · answer #2 · answered by ne_patriots2005 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one deserves to be treated like that; You are just as important as he is in this relationship and he needs to acknowledge that! I would give your guy a serious ultimatum, either he shapes up and starts treating you with a little respect or he'll find himself alone and miserable one day! He needs to realize that it's important for your child to communicate with the both of you, not just in his language to where you have no idea what your child is asking or saying, that just isn't right at all! You need to put an end to this situation before it gets much worse; either by getting him to understand what this is doing to you or leaving him to dwell in his own misery! You are definitely your own person; you don't have to stay somewhere where you're not happy, and you sure don't have to take anyone Else's abuse! Good luck to you and God bless!
2006-10-12 05:23:26 · answer #3 · answered by shelly_mo67 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are truly unhappy then maybe this relationship is no longer right for you. The best piece of advice i can give you, is to wait one week before making any descisions. After the week is up, see how you feel. Make a list of Pros/cons of being with him and a list of pros/cons of being without him. You will probably find that the cons of being with him and the pros of being without him are fairly similar.
Take time with this descision. If you decide you are unhappy, and feel that you would be happy on your own, doing your own thing, Then maybe try a trial-seperation. You are the #1 person in your life, look out for yourself and take good care. Do what you feel is best for you.
2006-10-12 05:16:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, you can't leave him because you both have kids.
I had a boyfriend that was like this-if you weren't Polish or did not know it well, he couldn't marry you!
Tell him it's your baby, too-and part you and all the pain you had to go through to have it, and you want to know WHAT THE HELL HE IS SAYING TO YOUR CHILD and that you want it to understand English so you can speak with it when it talks aswell!
Make him behave!!
2006-10-16 02:11:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
AWW..He will not realize what he's got, till you are gone! You have only one choice, show him you will not tolerate the treatment he has given you. You will regain your self-esteem, and hopefully have a relationship with someone worthy. At any rate, you will have two loving children, and that kind of love is unconditional. You are not stupid, but his IS POLISH, and nothing can change that! Best of luck.
2006-10-12 05:15:13 · answer #6 · answered by janet r 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Am I right to assume you are pregnant currently? Your hormones are erratic right now and your husband should know that! I have been in a similar situation myself and so what I tell you is based on my own experience and doesn't neccesarily mean its true for you but I hope it helps!
Firstly, it sounds like he's excluding you slowly from himself and the family. By not translating what he says to your child seems as though he's trying to create a rift between the two of you.
It's no suprise that men get lazy when they're married and begin to slack off but it honselty sounds as though he's trying to seperate himself from you by not spending time with you which is probably an attempt to ease his guilty mind.
For example, my ex husband wouldn't take me out when I was pregnant either and tried to spend as little bit of time with me as possible even if it was at home. I thought he was ashamed of me but I came to learn that he was cheating on me. With that knowledge I was then able to realize that by being around me was forcing him to realize that he was doing something wrong and as a cheating spouse with a baby on the way he didn't want to feel guilty or take responsibility. So in his mind by distancing himself from me he was alleviating his guilt!
It sounds like your husband maybe finding company in someone else and i'm not saying it has to be a sexual thing but even emotionally and socially which is honestly just as bad! By him distancing himself, not spend time with you, isolating you, telling you you're wrong, it seems indicative that he is up to something. I know it's hard that at a time when you need him the most he refuses to support and help you. You musn't blame yourself for his actions. Whether he is cheating or not his actions are inexcusable and that's his internal problem...NOT YOURS!
I know you don't know me but I feel like I know you because I was you 2 years ago. If you should ever need someone to talk to, vent, or anything..
this is my personal email address: (honeybee32_1@yahoo.com)
yahoo IM screen name (honeybee32_1)
Please don't hesitate to write me. I mean it! LOL.
Trust your instincts and give yourself time to come to grips with what is happening and then act accordingly. Don't let your husband take away from who you are! Let loving yourself and being a mom be your main priorities! Take Care!
2006-10-12 05:31:48 · answer #7 · answered by Melissa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
pull a u haul truck to the front door, hire someone to take everything and i mean even take the trash and his clothes, go down to the lower end of town have a back truck garage sale make some money and start your new life because he sucks
2006-10-12 05:15:11 · answer #8 · answered by Heather and baby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW... Yea... If he cant love you for you, then its definitly time to move on and when he pays out the butt in child support every month, use some of that money to treat yourself to something nice.
2006-10-12 05:13:12 · answer #9 · answered by Angel Eve 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have to leave him. If a guy really loves you, it would not matter if your overweight or not ( and be sure you are trying to lose some for health reasons)
You deserve someone better.
2006-10-12 05:18:14 · answer #10 · answered by Keepingmycool 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋