i have been with my boy friend 4 3yrs and from what i know he might have cheated?

Question

i have been told by alot of poeple that they seen him here and there with other female and things like that and of cousre he denies it but the second time he tried i walked in on hime but he say he did it on purpose he wanted to get caught that way i would stop accusing him. even after that we got back together. its been a year since then and i still cant find a way to trust him. sometimes i just want to say it over but im afraid the my son will be hurt emotionally. i love him to death and he can be a good person but sometimes i still find text messages on his phone that seem suspicious. can someone please tell me what should i do to fix this relationship or should i move on either way i just dont way to see my son get hurt PLEASE HELP

Answer 1

Talk with him openly about your feelings, forgive him for past daliances, tell him he needs to never do it again, and that the consequences if he does is that he will lose you forever. Then, live by that promise.

Answer 2

Well when you walked inon him you have proof that he cheated and you should not listen to his childish excuses. The question is why he cheats on you. The most common answer to why bf cheat is that something is wrong in the relation and the affair is a bi-product of those problems, even when most other aspects of the relationship are working well. “The problem” is often one that the faithful party who would never think of cheating does not see or has elected to ignore for one reason or another. Other times, the relation has changed and evolved in a way that leaves the cheating bf feeling left out or somehow empty. Those changes may include a shift in attitudes toward one another and the problems ensue. When a bf feels that his needs are not being met, some turn to their work, others to drugs or alcohol and many to the arms of another woman. Although this appears to be the most common cause, there are others who engage in an affair or infidelity purely for the sex. They do not want their relationship to end, they simply seek the thrill that being with someone else brings. You have to find out what is problem in your relation and you can work together to fix it.
A relation can survive infidelity and a can be restored with patience, sincerity and effort. Some of the hurdles that will arise are the victim’ inability to get over the deception, the cheater’s inability to realize what the have done and how wrong it is or a general inability to address and fix the underlying problems
Good idea would be to ask him to marry you and work to accomplish that.

Answer 3

Well, if you suspect he's cheating on you or he is purposefully appearing to cheat on you to cause you emotional pain, this must already be hurting your son. Your son can probably pick up on the unhappiness and mistrust- kids aren't stupid- so by staying with this man, you are hurting your son anyway.
Relationships should be made up of trust, love, kindness, caring, stability, emotional security.
Frankly, I don't believe it's your son that you're afraid to hurt- I think it's your own pain you don't want to face. You and your son both would be better off either alone, or with a man who doesn't cause you such confusion and hurt. I say put an end to this drama for your son's sake.

Answer 4

ur son can still have this man in his life w/o the two of u bein in a relationship and 9 times outta 10 if u think he's cheatin, then he is..if u are watchin him, and readin text messages, and have actually caught him in the act ( u and I both know he didn't plan that, please) u need to let hm go for ur peace of mind, and to make way for a betta man u can trust to come in...and pls when this new betta man finds u don't accuse him cause u still thinkin bout the old guy, and don't have any children with him unless u know for fact he loves u and is dedicated to u..and he marries u...good luck...peace

Answer 5

Your son will hurt less if you get out fast. If you cant trust this guy... WHICH I KNOW I WOULDNT TRUST HIM... Then LEAVE him. Dont waste another day with a guy who you cant see yourself as the only person he is with. That excuse about wanting to get caught is the LAMEST excuse out there..> HE DID NOT WANT TO GET CAUGHT>>> WHY ON EARTH WOULD THAT STOP YOU FROM ACCUSING HIM?? Ya gotta be smarter than that... In your gut... what do you think? Good luck

Answer 6

Ok, I am going to answer this as tactfully as I can. You see, there is nothing you cannot live through and that includes not being with someone. You need to leave him, because you DO NOT diserve a chaeting dog like this. My heart goes out to you because I have been there, and yes it hurts at first. But that small amount of pain is NOTHING compared to the years of pain you will have to endure if you stay with him. You diserve to be happy, and there is nothing stating that you HAVE to be abused in this manner. You see this is actually ABUSE in the form of mantal abuse. If you allow him to make you weak and to stand for his garbage any longer, then he will win. What he will win is your dignity, your self worth, and your ability to have control over your own life. Any relationship is a good one when you are able to control all things having to do with your own life, and then the realtionship details are handled mutually by two loving adults. You are being controlled in many ways, and aren't even aware of it. You have to understand that you are being controlled because you are put in a position that he is trying to make you agree to turning a blind eye on the situation. (Which, until now, you are doing.)

You have the authority to take charge and say you will not accept this anymore. You have the right to a happy lifestyle, whether or not it be with someone (who is ACTUALLY good to you,) or alone, (while being good to yourself.)

As far as your son. children are VERY resiliant. Do NOT sacrifice your happiness because you are afraid of him being hurt, because I am SURE it will hurt him more when he realizes what you are going through. Then you will be responsible to explain the whole thing and WHY you didn't leave. This will hurt him more. If you go now, all you have to do to explain it, is tell him that you are not getting along with your boyfriend right now, and you think that everyone will be happier without him.

Keep in mind that you are worthy and don't need to put up with such things. Thank God it has not gone any farther, because this kind of abuse will eventually turn to physical means and this is something that neither you or your son need.

Hearts mend... have full faith yours will too. Good luck to you, and if you need someone to talk to, feel free to message me anytime. My information is on my profile here.

P.S Allinwiththenuts spewing information of fatherless children information is completely uncalled for. You don't have to listen to that garbage. I bet there are worse statistics of keeping a child in a relationship with a mentally abusive jerk, but I don't think that is even necessary to spew at you. All you need to know, is in the end, your child will be happier, and will know how to respect a woman, (with your guidence and not by what he sees!)

Answer 7

So sad to here another story of a boy growing up with no daddy in the house. If you dont want your son to get hurt then do what is best for him. Here are some things to think about.

Approximately 85% of youth in prison, 85% of children with behavioral disorders, 75% of adolescents in substance abuse treatment centers, 71% of all high school dropouts, and 70% of adults serving long-term prison sentences come from fatherless homes. Fatherless children average significantly higher in terms of teen suicide, illegitimate birthrates, incarceration and unemployment. 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes. 90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes and 85% of all children that exhibit serious behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes. Because only a portion of each age group grew up in a fatherless home, these statistics mean that children from fatherless homes are 5 times more likely to commit suicide, 9 times more likely to drop out of high school, 10 times more likely to abuse drugs, 20 times more likely to end up in prison and to have behavioral disorders, and 32 times more likely to run away than their peers who grow up in intact families with both birth parents.9 These trends persist even when socioeconomic factors are controlled for.

Answer 8

I was married to a man like this. I stayed for the childrens sake, but their lives are ruined because of it and so is mine.