1-10
Nightmare
My heart has stopped,my blood rate`s dropped.
Am I in a coma?
My feet are cold,I`m freezing now.
So much for my lucky clover.
I`m not so grand,I can barely stand.
Mark,'deceased' in my life folder.
I wake with dread,fall out of my bed.
I guess my nightmare`s over.
Tuesday
Crashing through my window on a tuesday night
Will be my last night in sight
Look on the ground
The grenade,do you see it?
There is no aid...
Who`s the star?
I have commited felonies
The worst one I will ever commmit
Will be tonight,and guess who`s the star?
You are...
2006-10-12 04:48:22 · 11 answers · asked by Vulpix 1 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
I like Nightmare…I give it a solid 9. It’s frenetic rhyme pushed me through the poem…like a nightmare pushes me through the action with little or no control. Then it ended abruptly, like nightmares always do. Well done.
Tuesday scares me a little, but I still liked the emotions that it evoked in me. I gave it a 6…above average because it does show creativity and uses anger as an effective tool. Not great though, but don’t come after me with a grenade…please.
2006-10-12 04:54:25 · answer #1 · answered by Maddog Salamander 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Those are some mighty powerful poems. I have to say I think Tuesday is the best one, in both content and composition. The imagery of the grenade is a powerful metaphor. Here's a bit of constructive criticism, though- the first poem switches between rhyming and free verse. There are no static rules in poetry, of course, but I think it would flow more nicely if you decide, once and for all, if you want the poem to rhyme or not, because it seems a bit awkward to keep switching back and forth (example: coma, clover, folder, and over don't rhyme, yet the meter suggests they should. Just a thought.)
2006-10-12 11:53:05 · answer #2 · answered by fizzygurrl1980 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first one is a 9, I the third one a nine as well. I would give the second on a 7. I really like the style of writing....I write a lot of poetry and I have used similar styles in my work.
2006-10-12 11:51:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think both are great! I would give the first one a 9, the second one a 7-8.
: )
2006-10-12 11:53:21 · answer #4 · answered by rockiebattles411 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
-10
2006-10-12 11:50:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I am not really into poetry but I think they all lacked poetic atributes such as ryming...too much ryming...pull your soul into the paper that you are writing on and lay you heart on the lines.
snap snap snap snap
1-10
6
2006-10-12 11:52:47 · answer #6 · answered by gene_harden2000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say 7/8 for both
2006-10-12 11:50:10 · answer #7 · answered by J 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i give them a 1..i dont like depressing sad tormented stuff
2006-10-12 11:52:26 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
okay poetry but very creepy
i give them all 6's
2006-10-12 11:51:18 · answer #9 · answered by DeeVee D. Essemar 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hope your not going to sell them ( 3 )
2006-10-12 11:50:33 · answer #10 · answered by joey h 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋