I've tried talking. I've tried giving her what she wants. I even tried staying away and giving her all the time I can to spend with her father alone. The one thing I can't give her is putting her mom and dad back together. I've tried talking to her dad but he doesn't seem to listen and when I told him about the bruises I carried on my arm for two weeks where she had hit me harder and harder to see if it hurt she said he told me it was just her way of playing and I should have told her to stop. I did and he was sitting there with us in a restraunt of all places and didn't say a word to her. She said she was mad because he aleawys ignored her when he was out witha girlfriend. I told her I wasn't his girlfriend I was his wife and I think that made her worse. When she gets in those playing moods as he calls it I don't know what to do. I would have to hurt her to make her stop and then he'd be upset because I hurt his child. I'm afraid this is going to get worse. She's 13 and not a small 13
2006-10-12 04:48:10 · 35 answers · asked by rose v 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
NO NO NO!!!!!!! Soon she'll be grown and gone hang in there.
2006-10-12 04:50:49 · answer #1 · answered by cwallflower32 3 · 0⤊ 4⤋
This girl is going through a lot and she needs counseling. Here is what is going on. This child’s parents decided to break apart her home. Now instead of 2 loving parents, she has a part-time mom and a part-time dad. Her whole world has been ripped into shreds. Now her dad has a new wife, you, that is taking the place of her mom and she sees herself as an outsider. She is angry, hurt and resentful.
Now, it sounds like her dad is feeling a little guilty about the situation he has created for his daughter and so he is letting her get away with things that he definitely should not! This is going to be an on going problem and if you want to stay in this marriage, you need to go through family counseling and set up boundaries. It is not your place to discipline your husband’s child, so he needs to be the one to do it....and he needs to do start doing it now. There really is no way to repair what has happened to this child unless the 2 parents worked things out and pieced their family back together.
I'm sure that you really love your husband, but understand that this is a difficult situation that has no solution and if you stay, you can't complain about it because you know it will be like this.
**My Aunt was having a hard time with her step-daughter when she first remarried. At one point the girl stopped in the middle of an amusement park and started screaming. My Aunt grabbed the girl and hugged her. She kept hugging her even though the girl wiggled and yelled. She hugged her as she fought to get away. And she hugged her when she broke down and started crying. Years later, they now have a great relationship....so it is not impossible. If you stay, your step-daughter needs to know that you are not replacing her and that you are there to stay, and that you love her. She needs to feel safe. If you stay, you need to be strong and do not let the girl hit you. She will need to have consequences for her behavior, and most importantly, she needs to be loved.
2006-10-12 05:07:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely not...why should you leave? You married the man you love and the two of you have a right to your lives together. She is the child and she needs to be put in her place. When she gets in her "playing moods" put her in her place and ask your husband to say something to her immediately. If she hears it once sternly from him she may just stop. You do not deserve to be abused. She is going to have to get over the fact that her parents are not and will not be together again and that is not your fault! You are not the problem...she would not like any other woman either. Live your life normally and do not go out of your way to please this child because no matter what you do she will not be appreciated nor will it make her like you any more than she already does. It is called tough love but you have to make a stance with her and so does your husband....good luck, I wish you well. Hang in there.
2006-10-12 04:56:39 · answer #3 · answered by Stacy H 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She's 13? Honey it wouldn't matter if you were her real mom at this age. All 13 year old girls are terrors. But since this isn't your child, she's probably jealous. Since the mom has been gone, she's been the only girl in her daddy's life. It's understandable that she'd get upset. And of course he won't do anything because that's his kid. It hurts but kids come before spouses. What you need to do is go for some group counseling. Talk to a family therapist that can help you get everything sorted out. But time is going to be a big factor in this also. One day she'll realize that you weren't out to destroy her relationship with her dad. She'll see that you were just trying to make him and yourself feel better by having someone to love.
2006-10-12 05:32:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband should not be allowing his daughter to hit you or abuse you in any way. He needs to sit her down and tell her that you are married, he loves you, and she is required to be respectful of that relationship. She doesn't have to love or even like you. She does have to be respectful and polite. If she can't do this, then she needs to go live with her mother and just visit him on a regular schedule away from you. She has a choice. If he won't do this, he doesn't love you very much or he is a wimp. You cannot do anything. It seems as if you have tried to be nice and now she abuses you. If your husband doesn't see that he is creating a monster by allowing her to hit and carry on if she doesn't get her way, then you need to seek marital counseling so the counselor can set him straight. This girl is having tantrums and he is permitting them! She is manipulative and will grow up to be that kind of woman. Does he see this? If not, get to the counselor so that he DOES see it from an independent third party. If he won't go, then your marriage isn't all that important to him, and I'm sorry for you. You cannot tolerate this and keep your own self-respect.
2006-10-12 05:00:26 · answer #5 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is playing you and you need to get firm with her, and I don't mean physically.
When my mother brought her new husband into our broken family, I flatout rejected him. I was 14 at the time and saw him as in intruder. Teenagers can't help but feel their lives are falling apart when they are going through all that they are as well as chaos at home; however, that is no excuse to treat you, or anyone else for that matter, disrespectfully. I realize you are trying to make things work, and if you really want them to, you have to lay down some rules with her. You need to have support from your husband first. He can't just let her walk all over you. This has to be a team effort.
I eventually learned to really love my stepfather, but it wasn't an easy transition. When I realized he was a good guy and good for my mom, I eased off. That wasn't until I was in my twenties.
If your husband is no help, be stern with her on your own. Set boundaries and stick with them even if she gets aggressive. She's still a child and will test you as long as you let her. Explain to her that you aren't putting up with her crap anymore and that there will be consequences of her actions. If she pushes you, be darn sure to follow through with them. She can't be strong right now so you have to.
Good luck. You are in a tough spot.
2006-10-12 04:56:41 · answer #6 · answered by VNCGirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Can you take five more years of this? It doesn't appear that your husband has any intention of backing you up when it comes to his daughter. He's probably afraid of upsetting her, and then not being able to spend as much time with her. That is understandable, but hard for you to live with. Assuming nothing will change until she is an adult, and possibly longer than that, you need to ask yourself whether you are willing to live your life that way. Your husband has made his choice, now you have to make yours.
2006-10-12 05:01:08 · answer #7 · answered by Tiss 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU poor thing! NO one deserves this evil child's punishment. Sorry that she has divorced parents, but, many children do. That does not give her the right to be physically harming you. Give your husband the ultimatum, it's really HIS place to discipline his child. Tell him either get his child under control or he can deal with her alone! You have been very understanding, you realize this girl has some problems, however, this torture is not part of her treatment. He should be looking into getting her counseling to help her deal with her circumstances. Bruises hurt, both physically and mentally! Take care of yourself, and please don't allow this anymore! Best of luck!
2006-10-12 04:56:08 · answer #8 · answered by janet r 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
So sorry....sounds like she is a typical teeneager and then the trauma of the divorce is making things worse. I think she needs counseling. As for your question, No, I don't think you should leave quietly. If need be tell her that if she "plays" with you again and hurts you, you will file abuse charges! If he doesn't help his daughter deal with this, he will have a messy divorce on his hands. You are his wife and he needs to recognize that his "baby" is hurting your marriage. Good luck. I hope it all works out.
2006-10-12 04:53:02 · answer #9 · answered by Carrie H 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
This sounds like a very bad situation that will only get worse ! If your husband allows his child to do that to you, that only shows his lack of respect for you ! Tell your husband that you will not put up with this kind of behavior anymore, and if he will not do anything about it, you will leave ! Personally I think you would be better off alone !
2006-10-12 04:58:26 · answer #10 · answered by g_man 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that 13 year old girl needs serious help!!!
That is not playing around!!!!
The next time she hits you, it hurts, and you ask her to stop. If she doesn't stop, CALL THE POLICE!!!! Make a scene, especially in a restaurant. Best to call the police when daddy's not around.
Get pictures of the assault, keep them. then if it does get worse, get a LAWYER. And get the hell out of there.
2006-10-12 04:56:27 · answer #11 · answered by shoot.bang 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋