Family problem....HELP?

Question

I come from a broken family.I am married since 11 years. My wife feels that she is been treated like a servant at home and starts shouting. I wonder who treats her so!!There are 2 maids to help her out. In fact she is on her own.I work from 9 to 9 and come home to hear these unrealistic woes. We have two kids. she behaves very rudely with the younger one who is only 2. Whenever she serves food to us she passes a comment that she hates cooking but left with no other option. So I do not feel like having food now a days at home. She has already lost interest in sex, movies, picnics etc. I tried to counsel her, but in vain. She will simply not listen. She is always finding fault with me, our 12 year old daughter and tries to teach discipline to our 2 year old boy.Is there any way I can restore happiness in my family? Some technique I can change her mind set? i am ready to do anything to restore peace. i do not want a divorce since I do not want that to happen to my kids what happened to me

Answer 1

Sometimes divorce is a better option than staying together for the wrong reasons
I think in this case the children would be better off without her!

Answer 2

Ditto what the first person said. I have had Indian friends in the past, have been to India and my daughter's father is from India. Even though I'm American I can understand where she is coming from. If you had to stay at home all day with 2 kids and no husband to support you basically from sun up to sun down you'd probably be feeling similar feelings. I'm at home all day with 2 kids, I watch 2 other kids during the day and I'm 4 months pregnant. My SO doesn't do ANYTHING around the house, and wonders why I'm so tired and a little impatient by the time he gets home. Then when I try to talk about it he always brings it back on me "you are at home all day, things should be cleaner and better managed, you made the decision to stay home," etc...etc. A person won't understand the situation unless they are in it.

And you made a key comment in your post. You said "In fact she is on her own.I work from 9 to 9 and come home to hear these unrealistic woes." Perhaps unrealistic because you don't have to be HER all day. She's probably very lonely and misses her husband. Try to be understanding from her perspective.

Answer 3

You cannot "make" her do anything. She sounds spoiled. I don't think that staying in a loveless marrage that is deteriorating will help your children, and the way she is treating them will give them both self esteem problems that will follow them all of her life.
I advise you to have someone else take the kids one day, and tell her that if she doesn't change her tune fast and completely, you are filing for divorce, and going for custody of the kids. Tell her real clear and plain, a wake up call, and the change starts now. If she doesn't think that you are serious, do it before she damages you and the kids more with her nonsense and selfishness.
If she straightens up, be more demanding, don't allow the old behavior. I know that you don't want this, but this WILL help the children see that someone cares, and that there are limits to behavior, even for their Mother.
She must get counselling if she stays.
This is what I think. I think that it will be very tough, but other ways will be worse.
Perhaps your wife wants to be stood up to!!! It could be!!! She may be looking for you to say NO!!!!
Take action for your family, the situation is not working.

Answer 4

First of all does she know you still love her and look at her the same as you did 11 years ago? Some women just act different when things dont change (we get bored easy), or we think our husbend may look at us different. I really dont know the whole situation but maybe that can help. It sounds like you are trying but if sex and going out isnt doing the job stay home with a night full of family you here and the kids, and no sex and maybe the FAMILY as a whole can cook a meal.

Answer 5

She may be suffering from depression. It is really hard to say only hearing your side of what is happening. I only know your wife is not a happy camper. The best thing you could do is get her into some counseling and try to be understanding of her point of view. There is way more going on here then you are saying.
I wish you luck and please hire a nanny if you think she could hurt the children.

Answer 6

She is lonely because you work so much.She needs to be romanced!You and the wife should take a little private vacation.When you get home if she has not improved get her some counseling for her depression.You say she is rude to your 2 year old and that should be watched closely!Your twelve year old should not be disciplining her sibling.

Answer 7

If she does not want to change there is no way you can make her. If you have tried and your best efforts have not worked maybe you 2 need time apart. Sometimes it just isn't meant to be. As far as doing what happened to you to your kids would you rather them see how unhappy you to are together or see you both happy apart? If everyone is fighting it isn't healthy for the children and if she is treating the children that way it seems they would probably be happier with just you.

Answer 8

It sounds to me like you are gone a lot. It very well could be that what your wife is lacking is attention from you. When is the last time you two had a sitter and went out on a "date" together? When is the last time you had a romantic weekend getaway? Women need to feel loved, appreciated and wanted. Try a little romance, love and attention, do something to make her feel special.

Answer 9

Are you from India? I've been all over the world and this is what it sounds like.

You aren't home enough. She's taking out her frustrations on being home all of the time, managing everyone on her own. It doesn't matter that she doesn't have help to do stuff, she just needs someone around to help with the decisions.

Answer 10

Seems like the problem is on your wife! You need to talk to her, tell her how you feel...Since you work from day till night you should spend more time with your family every weekends...like having a little chat together, playing cards ...etc
Just try to be closer with your family, especially your wife...