How do i make my girlfriend get along with my sons mother??

Question

My son is 4, and his mother and i have been split up for a year now and my girlfriend of alomst a year hates my sons mother. she hates the fact that i have to talk to her all the time to arrange time to see my son. it stresses me out!!!! how can this work??

Answer 1

simple answer-You dont

Answer 2

Your first priority is your 4 year old son; you will have to deal with the mother of you child for the rest of your life, your girlfriend should be more understanding to this situation and let you do what you have to do for your child's sake! I would tell your girlfriend that your child is the most important thing in your life and if she didn't find a way of at least dealing with the fact that you are trying to keep peace for your sons sake, then she will have to move on and let you do what needs to be done! Good Luck!

Answer 3

Well, first let me explain my position. I am the wife of a man who has a daughter from a previous relationship, and I have an ex-husband who now has a live in girlfriend. So I have experience in both sides. So, first off - if your girlfriend was secure in the relationship, she wouldn't have these jelous feelings where she gets upset over you talking to her. Your girlfriend needs to realize that you have a son, and with that son comes a relationship with your son's mother. It is most important that you and your ex get along, for your son's sake. If your girlfriend wants to be with you, she needs to be accepting of all of you - baggage and all. If she can not deal with this, then she needs to go. Your son can not see her getting upset all the time over his mom, it is not healthy for your son. I have read a few good books, you may check the library to see if they have them - they are full of valuable information : "Stepwives" (it's for the mom/girlfriend, but you should read it too) and "Wednesday night and every other weekend" (it is a dad's book) Check them out. Always remember that you son is the important one here, so make sure to make things go smoothly for him.

P.S. It takes one heck of a woman to be in a relationship with a guy with kids... Not everyone can do it. If she can't deal with it, you'll find someone who can, and will - and will probably be a great stepmom in the future.

Answer 4

You can't make someone do anything. But you need to explain to this girlfriend that you love your child. If your gf loves you, she must also love the child, tolerate the child's mother, and tolerate your need to talk to the boy's mother and your need to pay money to support your child. If she can't, then you need to get a new girl friend. On the other hand, you can make it easier on the gf (who is clearly jealous and thinks you might still love your ex), by setting the visitation schedule in writing and just sticking to it. That way you won't have to call the boy's mother quite so much. Just arrange to see the boy every weekend or every other weekend at a pre-arranged day and time. Then, the only time you'll have to talk to her is if one of you has a problem and has to reschedule.

Answer 5

You have to introduce them together and somehow, even though it is really none of your girlfriends business, make her feel important in some of the decisions as far as when you guys do have your kid. What activities you can all do together. There really is not much you can do. You have a child w/another woman........that bond is tight and there is nothing that your girlfriend can do about it. It is driving her nuts. More so than anything about how you and your ex have to talk still. She doesn't understand it because she doesn't have to keep in touch w/any of her ex's. It's gonna be hard. The only thing I suggest is to try to make her feel important. Although she cannot make the decision as to what school your child goes to or his healthcare, try to make her a part of choices of activities when you do have the child. And see if your ex would have a problem w/meeting your new girlfriend. She should know who her kid is around. I'm sure your current girlfriend is good people, you need to introduce them.

Answer 6

I am in the same situation, but I am the biological mother that the girlfriend hates. We have two kids, and my ex is only allowed supervised visits, so we have to see each other quite often. The way I look at it is that she is very immature and does not trust her bf (my ex), which is sad, because although he is an *** to the extreme, he is trustworthy, and she needn't worry about me trying to snatch him back, I'm the one that kicked him out and I'm the one that called for supervised visits. My life would be easier if he were gone. But that's just it, he is here, he has the right to spend time with his daughters and there is nothing I can do about that. So I have consigned myself to spending time with him with a smile on my face and good intentions in my heart.

You need to find out if she trusts you, I truly believe that this is what it all boils down to. She feels she is in competition with your ex, and you need to try and make her realize that she is NOT competing for your attention. That the situation is what it is, and will not change for some time. Then you need to tell her to grow up and act like an adult.

Answer 7

By hating your son's mother, she is hating a part of your son. She is obviously too immature to understand that you had a life before you met her and doesn't want to deal with reality. In all probability it will not work out in the long run--it may seem to now, but I think you're with a person who is not well-suited for a grownup situation called 'life.' Good luck.

Answer 8

Hmmm..that's probably a difficult situation for you. It sounds like your girlfriend is threatened by your ex and must be somewhat insecure in your relationship, that's why she doesn't like you talking to her all the time. If she is making you miserable, then it pobably won't work, you will get sick of it and sick of her and she will "bite off her nose to spite her face" so to speak. Have you tried to just sit down and have a real, serious, calm discussion with her about this and explain that her behavior is upsetting you and that she has no reason to worry about you talking to your ex, and how stressed out her behavior makes you feel? You may not ever be able to get her to like or get along with your ex, but maybe she will learn to tolerate the situation a little better and get off your back about it.

Answer 9

Your gf is probably a little insecure in the situation. Sounds like she came in right after the exwife. One thing you need to understand, women, for some reason, feel they have to compete for their men. There is no way she can compete with a woman that birthed your child and she knows that. The easiest thing for her to do is...not like the woman.
She is probably trying to find "her place" in all of this. Include your gf in the planning of the childs visits. Make her feel a part of the "family" too. Try and make her understand that a good relationship between divorced parents is the best thing for a child. If none of this works, lemme share with you some words of wisdom my husband shared with me........"Get over it". Spending time with your son is way more important than an insecure gf. Enjoy the time you have with him. He will be grown up before you know it. Probably before your girlfriend is.

Good luck.

Answer 10

It probably wont work because your girlfriend is the jealous type it seems. You need to put your foot down and do it now. Sit her down and tell her that this is how it's going to be...that you will be talking to your ex about your son and nothing is going to change that and if she continues to act this way you will not allow her to be involved in your son's life. Stick to your guns..she will either comply or leave. Dont ever get caught in the middle of this cr@p...your loyalty is to your son and you and HER need to respect your son's mother.

Answer 11

This is SOOOO common (with both genders, not just women and ex-girlfriends or ex-wives). Put yourself in you girlfriend's shoes for a minute. How would you feel if she had contact with an ex that she has a child with? I can almost guarantee that the situation bothers your girlfriend way more than it bothers you. Regardless, if she wants to stay with you, she will have to figure out how to deal. Only time will tell if things are going to change enough to be acceptable.