We were never close. He used to beat me and my sister up for no reason at all, he was a drunkard and never did anything but that. But he was still my father. he depended on us more when he found out he had throat cancer. I lived in Hawaii while he lived in the Philippines. The last time I saw him was Oct 2005. He told me that that was probably the last time I'll see him and his grand son. And he was right. Jan 23, 06, I found out he hung himself. He had endured so much, he couldn't take the pain anymore, so he ended it. I was hoping that he would go to heaven despite of all the wrong things he's done. I was told that he was apologizing profusely, but i don't think it was enough. What should i do?
2006-10-12 03:49:20 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I couldn't go see him because we didn't have money to fly to the Philippines. So, I didn't even get to say goodbye.
2006-10-12 03:58:32 · update #1
Perhaps through all this you know for yourself he was your father even though he done wrong things to you if you forgave your father for doing those wrong things. God has forgiven him. We both don't know where he went but god has forgiven him if he asked for forgiveness. I am sorry that things happened to you and your sister when he was around. Just go on with life and do the right things for you and your family. If you have kids, raise them in the right way. Remember you father is in a better place. He would want you to forgive him for what he has done to you and your family.
2006-10-12 03:58:38 · answer #1 · answered by BabyGirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no easy answer. You have to accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative.
What positive ? you Father has shown you a great deal of what not to do as a parent.
I'm sure you have pics of some good times. These should be cherished and remembered.
Remember , when asked your dad died of cancer.
Time will heal the wounds and remember that life is short. Like the baseball player that just crashed his plane into a building.
You never know when your soul will be required of you. Live life and love.
You can do nothing about your Fathers final destination or his choices.
You can only control yours.
Never let a loved one guess , if you love them tell them, show them.
The more you give, the more you have.
2006-10-12 11:04:40 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't force yourself to fell something you don't naturally. If you don't miss him don't create pain that isn't there. He made a choice (albeit selfish) and decided to leave this earth before his time. Try to create a new story in yourself. Make sure that you know that you are worthy of love from other source. Parents are not given a handbook when their children are born. They do what they are taught, either directly or indirectly, when they were children themselves. The only way to step out of that cycle is to recognize the cycle and get help. That way you will not repeat the same mistakes.
He is suffering even today and even though he has not rectified the situation with you, know it has be rectified.
2006-10-12 10:57:25 · answer #3 · answered by BigMomma 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My heart goes out to you. It is hard enough dealing with the loss of a parent but complied with the circumstances you lived through that is really tough. I would focus on being a better person and being a better parent than your dad was to you. Also it is important to allow yourself to mourn. You will go through a lot of different emotions including: sadness, confusion, anger, despair and finally --- hopefully --- coping.
It sounds like you are confused with your emotions right now. That is just part of the process.... Physical activity also helps. Be of luck to you during this difficult time.
2006-10-12 10:58:46 · answer #4 · answered by The It Girl ∆☻乐 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One of my older brothers committed suicide a few years ago & an ex-son-in-law hung himself just a couple of months ago.
The in-law had a bad childhood, became an alcoholic/drug-adict, tried to stop, but... enough was enough.
The brother was in major accidents throughout his entire lifetime &... enough was enough.
I don't think badly of them for doing it... they desperately wanted/needed relief from all the crap that life on earth sometimes offers.
Who, but God, understands better than we do, what they were going thru?
Who are we to say that we wouldn't do it, if we were them?
A lot of people make peace with the Lord, just before they die... whether we know about it or not.
I believe they're resting from all the crap (hell-on-earth).
Who, but God, is the one to say whom God can or cannot, does or does not forgive?
He has the last say... Him forgiving us or not forgiving us is not in anybody's hands, but HIS.
GBU
2006-10-12 12:02:15 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seeking forgiveness for your sins is enough, as far as I'm concerned.
You can find peace in that he realized that he had caused pain and regretted it - even if he didn't have time to fix it. Forgiving him and living your life happily would make him happy now, so do it :-)
2006-10-12 10:59:52 · answer #6 · answered by drumrb0y 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is freedom in forgiveness. Forgive him for how he was to you in your life and for taking his own life. You may not ever understand why he was the way he was or why he did the things he did, but it is essential for you to find forgiveness in order to heal your own heart and life. If you can't do that on your own, get some counselling. I wish you all the best.
2006-10-12 10:53:51 · answer #7 · answered by joandi_99 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get counselling, go to grief groups. He was your father, and a human, although imperfect.
Talk about it, and try to do things that you enjoy, and be with people, not alone.
2006-10-12 10:55:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the best medicine is to let ift go there is no way ul cope if u cannot forgive and forget
2006-10-12 10:57:11 · answer #9 · answered by titties 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋