He has asked for more alone time..... I am a stay at home mom,, and need more adult conversation, he works all day, he needs quiet,,,,,,,, I respect this, I just can't shut my big mouth, everything I say is pleasant, it's the quantity that bugs him. poor guy........ should I get an afternoon job? or go work out? I don't have a life other than him, and he is sick of me.. please no patts on the back........ I really feel bad for him, how boring I must be, I just don't know anything else, I wish I could go do something for myself besides follow him around, maybe go get some self-esteem to start!!!!!!!!
2006-10-12 03:36:21 · 30 answers · asked by kiss me under the mistletoe 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I already do give him 30 minutes,but it's not enough...... I actually hide in another room.. I don't stare at him, with the clock ticking,can I talk now? hee hee
he wants more......he wants me to get my own identity, I don't know how to do it, or what that even means.
2006-10-12 04:21:39 · update #1
...hmm...sleep!
2006-10-12 03:41:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh goodness.... first of all, you sure are down on yourself. I think, by the way, you are the one who is doing the right thing by staying home and raising your children, and your husband is in the wrong. He should appreciate you staying at home, cleaning, cooking, raising his kids; but, he is selfish, self-centered, and so on.
Nevertheless, there's a problem. If you have the finances to take up a hobby, then DO SO, provided the kids aren't so young to where you can't leave them out of your site (because your husband isn't going to watch them for you, I can tell).
However, you don't have to leave home, if they are too young to be left alone (or with him). Get yourself some clay, and mold things; or, learn to paint, or paint rooms in your house, or garden (since you have kids, gardening would be a GREAT thing for you AND your kids!). You could vegetable garden, which makes you look freaking productive (to the selfish one), or you could flower garden to create a haven for you and your kids. I created a haven for ME! to get away from the everyday tasks. I too, stay home. My time is spent gardening, crafting, sewing (by the way, I am still a young person, I just had kids when I was young, and they are now grown and gone).
I have to keep myself occupied or I would go crazy, you on the other hand, have little ones, so you stay occupied. You will have to find something that you can do at home and keep the kids occupied, too.
Yes, your husband needs quiet time, but not his own space. Either he is very immature for wanting 'his own space', or he is just a selfish jerk.
I feel for you, and hope all works out well. Nowadays, many men are so self involved. So immature! You've heard the expression 'a family that prays together stays together'?, it's true! Read Ephesians chapter 5, that is how is a marriage is to be!
2006-10-12 11:16:36 · answer #2 · answered by Donnalah 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you should go get an afternoon job...maybe volunteer work for a hospital, or something of that nature where you will have new experiences to share when you get home.
There are always hospitals or veterinary clinics that could use a little help, and because it's volunteer work, there is not a lot of competition in that job market...but if I were you, I would forget to mention the part about being boring...be interested in helping them. I would avoid political campaigns, because they tend to be too single minded...this gets boring to listen to in a hurry as well.
Any of these activities would get you out of the house, and among other adults, and make you a wealth of new topics.
2006-10-12 11:13:13 · answer #3 · answered by Joe 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know what you mean my husband is gone 14 hrs at atime working 5-6 dys straight and let me tell you its hard I am a stay at home mom and when he comes home I want adult conversation but I respect him enough that if he is tired I let him rest. I agree when the other replys go find a hobby if you have the money go to the gym or go shopping that is something that is always fun for us women maybe buy something sexy to wear for him that might give you both some adult time. Just give him some space and when he is rested up then you can give him something to talk about good luck.
2006-10-12 11:02:37 · answer #4 · answered by 2wild4u 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been in your shoes. This is how we solved the problem. We mutually agreed that I would give him 30 minutes after he got home to relax. Then over dinner together we would talk and he would listen and converse with me. After dinner, we did the dishes together and talked some more.THEN, he got to go relax again and watch TV, read the paper...whatever. That was over 20 years ago. Things are great. And, yes, you should get out during the day a little. Maybe find a sitter and take an afternoon out with the girls, join a card club or a gym or a book club. Anything where there are adults to talk to. If you can't find a sitter, or you cannot afford one, then join a Mother's Day Out group at church or take your children to the park and visit with other mothers there. Good luck.
2006-10-12 10:43:12 · answer #5 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest getting a hobby or maybe going and getting a job in the evenings. I can honestly say I am just like you I talk alot most women do so yoou are not alone and I am a stay at home mom with 2 little ones plus I run my own daycare so I stay pretty busy. You should find out what you like doing that makes you happy.
2006-10-12 10:39:51 · answer #6 · answered by apples2oo4 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I wish my wife was more like you!
But you're with him. Yeah, as others have said, when he's at home in the evenings, its a good chance for you to go out. It also gives him some time to bond with the kids before they go to bed. Think about a couple activities a week that will give you some of what you're looking for. Working out might help your esteem, you might also look into a part time job, volunteer work, book clubs etc - something that would give you the 'adult' contact you don't get with your kids.
2006-10-12 11:11:40 · answer #7 · answered by kheserthorpe 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't beat yourself up, but yes, you need to do something healthy for you. If he loves you he is not "Sick of you", but sometimes people just annoy eachother because they spend too much time together. You do sound like you have a bit of a self esteem problem, so I'd encourage some counseling, but yes, you definitely need to take some time and go work out, or if getting a part time job works for your schedules, then do that. I wish you the best of luck.
2006-10-12 10:42:17 · answer #8 · answered by favrd1 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't be daft.
Most marriages are like this and whether your husband likes it or not you are married and you have to talk to each other.
Do you enjoy being a stay at home mom.
If so then don't take up a job you don't want just so he can have some quiet time.
If you hate being at home then look for a job or a hobby that gets you out
In my opinion though you need someone to talk to. Someone who will listen and talk back. You need a bit of Craic as we Paddy's say !!
So I have 3 words for you.
GIRLS.....NIGHT......OUT
Go out with some friends. Leave him at home with the kids and go and enjoy yourself.
Meals, drinks, movies, dance classes. Have fun and he'll soon get tired talking to the kids and the neighbour's cat.
2006-10-12 10:45:30 · answer #9 · answered by specs appeal 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is there a community college near you? Sign up to take a course, or join a church and get involved in an activity there. Call a local nursing home and see if you can volunteer somewhere.
I understand where your husband is coming from - my ex-husband stayed home all the time too, and I used to get on my knees and thank GOD when he'd go visit some friends or go to the store by himself. I loved him, but I just needed a break once in a while.
Good luck!
2006-10-12 10:41:02 · answer #10 · answered by dawniedawn67 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
WOW you feel sorry for him? He who has all day at work and then comes home and wants him time. Gee must be nice to only work 8 hours aday. ANd let me guess you stay home but I am willing to bet you put more than 8 hours in a day. Your man wants space maybe he should of stayed single and not got married and had kids. I understand boys nights every few weeks but this is a probelm
2006-10-12 10:40:39 · answer #11 · answered by R C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋