Am I going crazy?

Question

I care very deeply for my husband but I do not love him. He is faithful to me and I him,he still loves me very much, I educate my children at home and work full time also, I lost my parents last year within 2 months of each other and since then I feel so lost. I feel I do not belong here any more.I want to run away and leave everything. I feel I need someone else somtimes, someone who will take responsability over me, someone who will take care of me. Am I going crazy or is this the terrible 40/s setting in?

Answer 1

Oh Annie your not going crazy at all, you have just spent the last year going through a really bad grieving process, losing one parent is hard but both of them in such a short space of time must be horrendous for anyone, of course you will feel lost and alone and feel like running away from the world and hiding in a corner somewhere safe from everything around you, did you feel the way you do about your husband before you parents died or after, maybe you have just got far too comfy with each other and are more like comfy old slippers instead of lovers these days, I know you probably don't want to hear this but have you spoken to a bereavement counsellor about how you feel, its not unusual to feel like you do even a year on from losing your parents, something changes inside you when you lose a parent, I know it did for me and I thought my life was never going to be the same again, thankfully to a point it wasn't, but I moved on and things did get better, in fact so much better than they had ever been, you have had a hell of a lot to put up with and now you need some nurturing yourself, speak to a bereavement councillor they are great, get things sorted in your life for you, yourself and hopefully your hubby will share your feelings and things just might turn round for both of you, but no your not crazy Annie, just human and the very best of luck to you and I hope everything works out.

Answer 2

Tigwelda has spoken so much sense and everything rings true. I have been in your situation and I empathise with you. I also have sympathy for you.

You be will feeling as though you are on the outside looking in at everything and everybody. Grief and stress combined is a fatal combination of emotions. And you need to take time to recharge your batteries. With the autumn holidays almost upon us can you try and get away for a few days.

With regard to your husband, do nothing hasty just try and let things ride for a little while until you can see the wood for the trees. Then you will have a clearer picture of how you truly feel about him.

Good luck to you and no you are not going crazy but 40 is notably a dangerous age for us all. So err on the side of caution if you understand what I am trying to say.

Answer 3

Running away will not solve your problems because you will never escape them. I am very sorry you lost your parents but that isn't a reason to run away. You should be thankful you have a husband who loves you and still cares for you. Be thankful he is still faithful. Most woman wish that their husbands could be faithful and loving. You have beautiful children! Why would you want to leave them? If life is getting to hard, make some adjustments. Send your kids to school instead of home schooling them. Drop to to part time at work. Go see a therapist. There are many options you just have to think what is best for you. Running away will not solve anything! Good Luck!

Answer 4

You are not going crazy but have been through a lot and doing a lot full time, you haven't given yourself time to grieve or made time for yourself for ages which you need to do urgently. Everyone is relying on you but you need someone there for you too, know the feeling well. Try to get counselling it does help and make time for yourself even to get away by yourself just to think things over and do what you want to do for a change you owe to yourself, you are an individual not just someones wife/mother, you will return thinking more clearly in what you want out of life. You should not be taken for granted life is too short.

Answer 5

I think you need to get some counselling. I lost my parents within 6 months of each other three years ago and it knocked me for six. I couldn't get through the day and used to think that everyone was talking about me all the time. I lost control of my kids and basically couldn't function.
I don't know if you have any brothers or sisters but I am an only child and when I lost them I felt completely alone and that I couldn't carry on and like you, wanted to run away from everything and everyone.
I was very sceptical about counsellors but my doctor persuaded me to go and I'm glad I did. He helped me tremendously.
I still go through bad times when I need my parents but it gets less and less as time passes.
Go and see you GP and explain how you are feeling, he may refer you.
Trust me, it's worth it!

P.S. If you ever want to talk I am only a keyboard away!

Answer 6

my mum feels like you and because i am old enough, she puts it on me and expresses how she feels. i hate to see my mum in so much pain. she also lost her parents, not recently,but the feeling of being all alone and no one to CARE FOR YOU is horrible and frightening to say the least. You are experiencing changes, they might not be nice, but that is why this time is so terrible. You would normally seek comfort from parents through changes and now you cannot, you are working full-time and teaching yoru little ones, of course you feel down. you are over worked and emotionally drained. Your husband must see how this has all effected you, maybe he is not acting in the way you would like him to. maybe its your mum and dad you want and everything around you is just not enough, after all, its your parents that make you feel so much better when someting goes wrong isnt it. But you have to TRY and go on with out them. Your feeling of not having them there is what your kids will go through, make the most of life with them, teach them what you are learniing now as an adult, and yes it is the terrible 40;'s setting in. They are only referrd to as the terrible 40's cause this is the time in most peoples lifes where they lose their parent and you realy are ALL ALONE and its daunting. I can seriously feel where your coming from, and there is nothing no one can do or so that will make you feel better. all you gotta do is stay stong, focus on what you want in life, cause you still got a long life ahead of you, 40 IS NOT old, so you gota consider where you wanna be, where you want yoru kids to be in a few years time. maybe you should take a break on YOUR OWN. for a weekend maybe. You are having a ruff time, you HAVE TO RELAX otherwise you wil have a breakdown, you might be having one already, but nip it in the bud, know in yourself, you are stronger than this, your mum and dad made you to carrry on life and you got an obligation to them to make sure their grand children grow up with the best start possible.

see an old friend. try and talk to someone, maybe open up to your husband. communication is the key to happiness they reckon.

goodluck and takecare. xx sam.

Answer 7

You're not going crazy!! You've got so much to cope with its not suprising you feel the way you do. Have you spoken to your husband and explained you need extra support at the moment? Have you spoken to your doctor? you sound depressed and you have every reason to feel that way. Your doctor might be able to reccommend some support or coping strategies. There are loads of self help books around with practical advice on how to cope when you've got so much on your plate. Relaxation might help too, try yoga or swimming to calm your mind. Make time for you every day, no matter what you need to neglect to do it PUT YOURSELF FIRST even for half an hour. Consider all the things you'd miss if you left, your husband sounds like he'd help you if he knew the extent to which you are unhappy. You need to take something back for you, remember people seldom care for the carer expecially if they think you cope because you always do. You should be proud of the way you've managed until now but if the cracks are beginning to show don't paper over them look for the reasons behind them and deal with those. I hope things wor k out but please do something to relieve the stress you're under it'll make you feel so much better. Good luck.

Answer 8

I do not think you are crazy, you are still greiving and have an extremely busy lifestyle. You are probably exhausted. You defo need some time too yourself, to grieve and to re-charge your batteries. Get someone to take over educating the kids for a while and take some time off work. Go away if you can, to somewhere you can relax and take time out for you. Good luck.

Answer 9

that is the experience of almost if not all women in marriage.there are times you feel cheated,and feel like running into someone else's arms for solace;there are times you feel rejected;there are times you feel you have made a mistake and the best option is for you to quit.i guess this is the same for the men.but meanwhile,like i always say,the devil you know is better than the angel you don't know.you see, men are all the same but in different circumstances i bet you.hold unto the one you have because the saint you compare your husband with,would only turn out to be the greatest demon

Answer 10

SEems to me you're quite depressed over the loss. You should consider seeing your Dr. and getting help to get you through this.
When we lose someone close to us it is often not uncommon to feel like we're alone and no one understands. But , think of why you miss your parents. The love, the lifetime you spent with them. Its gone but not forgotten. Discuss they way you feel with your husband and why. When your parents lost thier folks they found a way to deal with the grief an loss. Your family needs you and running away won't make you feel any better. Talk to your husband, then seek help to get through this.