Why I am I so jealous when other people have babies?

Question

My husband (31) and I (26) have decided not to have children. We've been married 3 years (yay!) and have decided to focus on our careers, giving money to charities, our cats, and each other. But I'm always jealous when I hear of one of my husband's friend's wives getting pregnant-- quite often having been married less years and in a worse financial shape than us. I'm happy for them, as well. I know we made the right decision to not have children. We're not patient enough to raise babies. But what's up with the jealousy? It ranges from a little of the green eyed monster to almost anger. One time I broke down crying. What can I do to get over this?

I've known since I was a kid I didn't want kids. Also, my husband wants kids more than I do, so it's not a problem of him pushing this on me.

Answer 1

Could the problem be that you are jealous of the attention they are getting and not really the fact that they are having a baby?? Especially since you have decided not to have children, it may be frustrating (and even down right tick you off) that these women are getting fussed over when all they're doing is having a kid.

To get over this, I suggest that every time you get frustrated with someone else's pregnancy, you go out and shop. While you are shopping think of how that pregnant woman wont be able to wear something cute like whatever you are buying. Or you and your husband go out to dinner and you think about how that woman is going to be spending less time eating a quiet meal with her husband and more time cleaning up a mess.

I hope I didn't offend you with that, I just thought I'd take a different approach to some of the answers. I think it is great that you and your husband have made that choice for the 2 of you. A lot of couples never discuss kids and end up with problems later because of a lack of communication.

Good luck with how you are feeling.

Answer 2

I am getting ready to have a baby on Saturday (being induced) she is my first. I am having a girl. I think it is normal to be a little "envious" of someone who is pregnant. Jealous, I don't understand. Jealousy is a hateful thing. What do you think of this? I have a girlfriend, who has 2 kids. 1 is age 15 and the other is age 3. Ever since I found out I was pregnant, she has been really jealous. She is so jealous to the point that she won't even go in my babies room anymore when she comes over to my house. Needless to say, we are not really haning out anymore because of it. Now that, is weird! Because she has kids. Your situation is different because you don't have kids so I can see where yours stems from. As far as my friend, I don't understand! I think you should look at the REAL reason for not having kids. Your husband is significantly older than you. Does he have children of another marriage or relationship? If so, that's kinda messed up because that's just saying that he doesn't want more kids. Maybe you do! I think you guys better re-think your decision. It's not too late. I'm 30 years old and having my first child and I'm not even married yet. We don't make a ton of money and we both have careers! I can't wait. I hope you decide on having kids. You'll love it!

Answer 3

I don't think you can just "Get over it". Children are great. I didn't want to have a child, my gf and I were stupid and didn't use contaceptives. Guess what? Now I'm a Dad. I wouldn't give it up for the world.

I think that most women have an instinct to become mothers. And even though your brain says that you don't want children, your heart knows better.


PS, the line about being "married less years, and in worse financial shape" tells me that you are sick with envy. My GF and I weren't married at all, and we had not a dime to our names. But, despite that, I'm a damn good father. I stopped partying and staying up late. I started working really hard, I got a better job. Now, three years later, I got an awesome promotion, I just bought a house, I drive a new car and my daughter wears all new clothes. Had you known me when I wasn't a father, you would have thought that I was a loser. But, being a father has completely changed me life. I'm a better person, because of that little girl.

There's a hole in your life that your charities, cats and husband can't fill.

Answer 4

I think deep down inside you really want children. Most women have an the maternal instinct. Are you sure that you and your husband have made the right decision? Are you not having children because you are going along with what he wants? My sister is 36, and just went through a divorce, they decided that they didn't want children. Actually he decided and she went along with him. Now he is with a younger women and they have a baby due in 5 months. I am 28 and we have 3 kids, and my sister finally admitted that she is jealous because we had kids and careers. You really need to think about how you might feel 10 years from now.

Answer 5

You might want to rethink if you want kids or not I am not saying you should be give it some soul searching on this . By no means would you have to have any right away BUT
it the meantime do as you are know You seem happy and all . You have things going well for you enjoy life as it is
good luck i have felt like you in a way with other saying they are having a baby I was so upset turns out I wanted babies too

Answer 6

Because deep down you really want to have children.. you may have made decisions to not have children with your husband and that may be a very good decision for him but for you, you will eventually want to have one. You really need to talk to you husband further about this decision of not to have children or you two won't make it togehter.
It is good to focus on your careers but giving money to charities may not be how it is going to work out. It may go for bringing up a child of your own.. To make your marriage work you are going to have to get this conflict of wanting a child of your own talked about between the two of you.
You can still have all the other plans that you wanted just plus one.
good luck and talk to your husband about this.. You don't have to have a baby right away.. just take your time and when the time is right you will have one.
good luck

Answer 7

Maybe, just maybe deep down inside you do want to have a child.. Women (atleast most women) are maternal and want to have children. They're beautiful, and precious. I say all the time that I don't want kids, but I adore kids.. I just think that so many things can happen through pregnancy, and this world is so crazy that it's hard bringing a kid into it. It's good that your & your husband want to focus on your careers... Me & my boyfriend are the same way... we're not even planning on getting married until we are financially stable. A lot of people have kids, and can't even support themsleves... I can relate to how you feel. Everytime I see an adorable baby, i think to myself i want one, but I can't afford to. Financially, or mentially.. I'm too focused on my career, and so is my bf. and children require soo much time and money..

Answer 8

I think you truly want children. I know you think you don't, but think about it this way: you are not jealous of a very overweight person, are you? It's the same type of thing; you have chosen not to be overweight, so you decide to be healthy. So you don't even *think* about overweight people ever. The don't cross your mind because you are glad you don't have one hundred pounds to lose. It's the opposite with your jealousy situation, however. Even though you decided not to have children, and live life responsibility free ultimately, you still think about those people with kids and the jealousy hurts you. Therefore, you can deduce it to the fact that secretly you want children and your husband may not, so you keep that desire bottled up. You can't do anything to mask a deep desire, except have children or take meds to pretend you don't have the desire. Everyone's entitled to their choices about their own life. But I think you need to really think about this choice, because since you are experiencing jealousy, I believe you may not really have your heart in being childless. Good luck!

Answer 9

Who knows????? It could just be hormones or it could be you inner mind at work. Maybe for some reason you convinced yourself that you don't want kids ( like some past boyfriend who casually said he never wanted any kids and you were afraid he'd dump you if you wanted kids - even if you were too young then) Or maybe you really do want a child but your husband may leave you if you say you changed your mind? You really need to talk this out with someone. My sister never had any kids ( by her own choice) and now she is too old and regrets it. You think you aren't patient enough now...but you would be if you had a baby.... it just happens that way. Besides, they don't stay babies forever...... you really need to think this through.......either that or go get a puppy.

Answer 10

Sounds to me rather you admit it or not you really really want children. Maybe mature a little before you have them but maybe it would make you feel better if you have a child later on down the road. You have the rest of your life to have children give it time maybe you and your husband can get in better finacial shape and get more mature and come to the conclusion you want a baby but first things first talk with your husband and figure out if might would want a baby later on down the road.