How do you deal with regret?

Question

It seems like every decision I've made in life has been the wrong one. I'm in my 20s and I know it's not too late but every major decision I've been faced with in hindsight has been the wrong one. I hate feeling regret.

Answer 1

you should never go thru life with regret
its no fun
u need to move on and forget it
do something that makes u happy

Answer 2

Sometimes it does seem that all the decisions that one makes are wrong. This can be a phase that will pass gradually or even all at once. It is normal to feel regret when you make bad decisions. It is also very painful. When the regret heaps up of course it is crippling.

What I have found is that if your whole life is not quite yet on the right track, regret tends to persist. The arrows stay lodged in the heart. But you can't just order your life onto the right track like snapping your fingers. Some people appear to be able to do that, but others can't. So the pain of nagging regret can become an occasion for maturation. And, interestingly enough, it can also become an occasion for wisdom. Wisdom is deep. It is hard to attain. But I don't think any wisdom comes without some price. Regret is part of that price because regret hurts. Regret reminds you that a lot of life is conflict and this demands at least the appearance of hard choices, decisions, instincts.

Use the regret as a means of pausing and exploring your instincts, your outlook on the world, others, yourself, your work - your life path. Sharpen your intincts. Cultivate broad, fertile patience. Treat yourself with patience - there is a knack to being your own best friend. It is quite tricky for some of us.

You don't have to forgive yourself directly. Deep regret is hard to forgive. But you can embark on fresh pathways, have fresh insights and allow fresh relationships to gradually loosen up the arrows that are cutting into your heart and emotional centers.

Be sure not to use regret as a means of escaping from, or avoiding, the natural freshness and hope of each new day. Hope is as real and natural as regret. Gradually most wounds can heal because it is the nature of a living organism to heal itself.

Lots of people feel the importance of your smart and deeply felt question. The path may not be perfect, but it is there. Move along in the right way and the regret will be shed the way a bird molts its feathers.

B. Lyons

Answer 3

There's no point in regret--we can't change the past. If you make a mistake, just look at it as a learning experience, think about what could have been done differently and resolve not to do the same thing (or something similar) again.

If you've gone down a path before, you know where the holes are and can avoid stumbling into them. That's called experience. Don't regret things you've done--only the things that you haven't.
Remember that you'll never know what was down the path not taken! So try a lot of things--live your life with gusto and you'll have few regrets!

Answer 4

You should make sure you are not suffering from depression. I find it hard to believe that every one of your decisions has been wrong. More likely you are just remembering the wrong ones and conveniently forgetting about the ones that weren't.

To see if you are perhaps depressed try this website www.depressionet.com.au. You will find all the information you need.

As far as regret, you can't make it disappear, but time will soften it. You can help this along by doing something in reparation if this is appropriate, eg if you hurt someone can you do something nice for them or perhps just for someone else in a similar situation. You can also help yourself to feel better by taking some action that will help you to avoid a similar mistake in future.

Answer 5

You should never feel regret. Your life not turning out the way that you want it to is the price that you pay. Don't make it worse by beating yourself up as well. If you really can't move past it, talk to someone about it because excessive guilt is unhealthy and a sign of depression. And you also can't sweep your past and bad decisions under a rug, because you want to learn from them in order to not repeat the same mistakes. But, like you said, you are young and you can still make better choices and turn your life completely around. Focusing on the past stops you from moving forward and keeps you in the exact same place. Being young is the best so keep it moving. Good luck!!!

Answer 6

First of all - forgive yourself, even if you have to say it out loud every time the feelings of regret crop up.

Secondly - tell yourself that today is a new start to everything. You are going to make good decisions based on your experience. No matter how hard it is to make that good decision you will still do it because living with regret is worse than anything else.

Thirdly - start talking positively to yourself about where you are going in life and how you are going to change. Get some good role models in your head and aim for what you want. Work hard and don't take your eyes off what you really want in life.

Good Luck!

Answer 7

I'm 45 now and have done ALOT of things that I'm not proud of , but I try to think that it is all lifes learnings. No regrets , thats my motto . If you have learned anything from your mistakes , well then why should you have regret ? Life can be insane and ugly , but you have to make it the best you can , sometimes we don't even know we learned something until years later , but then you remember ... Oh I won't do that again , I remember how bad it was the last time. Thats a lesson. Good luck and remember NO REGRETS !

Answer 8

You might find that your decisions have not been as "wrong" as you think, and your perceptions of your decisions are colored negatively. I would suggest speak to a counselor, and you will probably find you are not doing nearly as bad as you think. However, we do sometimes make wrong decisions, and then regret is a normal and necessary emotion (and thought) to remind us to think twice next time, and perhaps to do something to correct our actions or make amends. Some of the best strategies for dealing with regret are so simply, e.g. an apology.

Answer 9

I appreciate that you hate to feel regret. Decisions will have to be taken in day to day life for the rest of your life. The very fact that you have realised that so far you have taken wrong decisions
signals you will be careful and take weighted decisions in future.So there is nothing to feel regret just ignore that feeling

Answer 10

don't look back - always look to the future - there is nothing you can do about the past, except hopefully learn from it - take it from someone twice your age - life goes very quickly & if you spend each day focusing on the past you have wasted precious time - your best bet is to seek therapy to find out why you are making the wrong decisions - i'm sure a good therapist can help you recognize what you are doing wrong and set you on the right path - do it now - time's a wastin'.

Answer 11

u deal wit regret by moving on. learn from ur mistakes. i guess the next time ur faced wit a major decision.. get help and consult someone if ur not sure.. also get ur facts rite and think everything thru properly.. hey.. eveyrone makes made decisions.. ur only in ur 20s.. its ok to make mistakes now... :) im in my 20s too.. i know how bad decisions feel. take care and jus b more careful next time.. no point regretting.. forgive urself.. take care