2006-10-12 00:20:58 · 11 answers · asked by . 6 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I am not sure if it is someone else that has given you the pain so there for you distrust or it is your daughter that has given you the pain and you feel you cant trust her and put barriers up.
If someone has hurt you very badly and let you down it takes a lot to learnt to trust again and if that person is in your life still or has gone you have to learn to retrust them or trust others. Trust has to be earned and you have to be able to see that you can trust them. You are putting up barriers with your dauhter because you do not want to be hurt by someone you love again so you keep them and your emotions at a distance. Then in your subconcience they cant hurt you as they are not close enoughto do it anymore.
At the end of the day the one you are hurting and distrusting the most is yourself. You have to either face the person who hurt you and tell them they hurt you and why so you can clear the air and move on or you just have to move on regardless.
It is hard to learn to trust and do you know i truly believe that you never get 100% trust with that person again you may gain 99% but guess what that 1% keeps you alert enough to not let it happen again. That is only me saying that personally from my own experiences and it does not make me a bad person just one who keeps awake and not let myself suffer fools.
If it is your daughter who you have lost your trust with I can understand that and she needs to be told straight what she has done and how you feel and tell her straight she has to earn your respect, respect you and you will respect her. No one give us a rule book on life we learn as we plod along good luck and you can trust again it will take time.
2006-10-12 10:16:11 · answer #1 · answered by momof3 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know where you are coming from. My daughter cut me with a double edged blade of deceit and it took me quite a bit of time before I regained any trust for her again. I realized that I had to let it go and let her go. In my case I could not be deceived if I was neutral. I guess that was my barrier. Children, as they get older, will grind hurt into your very soul and it could destroy you. Put up the barrier and don't concern yourself with trusting her again. You are required by law to provide food, shelter, and clothing. If the child doesn't appreciate your being a concerned, loving, supportive, encouraging mother then that's her being ungrateful. Don't give her control over you, you take control back.
2006-10-12 07:35:20 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have no idea what you have been through ..
But what I can say is that trust is a hell of a thing to lose and a mountain to climb when rebuilding.
What you need to do is surround yourself with 'bankers' ie those people who you KNOW would never let you down. Trusting them and then getting your faith rewarded by them not letting you down will help to rebuild those trust lines.
Once you have done that you can start trusting people 'a little' .. when this is ok move on and gradually build up again.
What I will say is that without the ability to trust you will lead a sad and lonely life .. I did it for a while, found my way out of the maze and now am very happy .. good luck .. it IS worth it!!!!
2006-10-12 07:31:53 · answer #3 · answered by enzuigiriuk 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure what it is that your daughter has done to you but let the sun go down upon your anger forgive her and begin a new day. You can never replace your children and I'm worried that if you start creating barriers they will be a lot harder to remove then it will be to forgive. If you continue to push her away the day may come when she is gone for good. Don't lose your daughter and don't allow her to lose you. I wish you and your daughter the best of luck.
2006-10-12 08:10:37 · answer #4 · answered by Genevieve P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've got to make a conscious decision to let go of the things that you surrendered your trust to in the first place. Then practice this. Identify the actions, events and times that trigger your feelings of mistrust and then when it happenes push them out of your mind. Force yourself to think of something else and do what you need to do. Eventually it will become easier and soon it will be your automatic response to doubts and negative feelings. Of course I don't know if any of this will work without a relationship with Christ. I had the same problem and I surrendered pain and my life to Him. It hasn't been easy, but it was worth it. I truly am a better person.
2006-10-12 14:47:55 · answer #5 · answered by crystalonyx3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
With our children we should never put them in a place where we can not trust them. Parenting is not an easy task, but sometimes parents place parameters on their children that they themselves would never have allowed to be placed on them. Ask your self have you been a good parent, have you asked your daughter to be or do something you would not have done. I am sure she is not perfect, none of us are, but someparents expect perfect.
First forgive yourself for being demanding, then ask God to help you forgive your daughter. Lastly forgive your daughter, hug her and hold her and tell her how dear she is to you.
2006-10-12 08:22:06 · answer #6 · answered by CheryllDianne 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is you who is the trusted one in the relationship.
take that away and where will it leave you.
not everyone lets you down and if you stick by your daughter that trust bond will blossom!!!
and who knows you may learn to let someone else in aswell!!!
x
2006-10-12 07:32:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
wotever happened its not ur daughters fault, if it was her fault get over it she needs her mother. she is ur blood and u will never replace her just forgive her and move on.
life is too short to block out those we love and are closest too. self pity is a waste of time.
2006-10-12 11:30:56 · answer #8 · answered by gin 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What has she done wrong? It cant be that bad!! Kids are put on this earth to try their parents.
Take her out shoping and make up with her. All you are doing is hurting each other.
2006-10-12 07:29:22 · answer #9 · answered by Fox Hunter 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
What did she do...... Was it her who made you feel distrustfull?
2006-10-12 07:31:30 · answer #10 · answered by Bodieann 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋