I've been with my partner for 4.5 years. It hasn't been an easy relationship. We both have had very bad experiences from previous relationships. My partners ex wife was a serial adulterer, my 1st ex husband was an alcoholic/drug addict, my second ex-husband molested my daughters. I suffer from serious depression as does my partner. My partner has a temper and can on occasions be violent ie breaking things. He has physically hurt me once. I have 6 children, 2 with my partner and I work full time. 3 years ago, he stopped working for 16 months and I had to support the family financially, even though I was pregnant - I worked up to 3 weeks before my due date. We were supposed to get married next year but I have had SERIOUS doubts about the future. I am recieving treatment for my depression but I need space. The situation is being made worse by my partner wanting to know what is happening with the relationship. I just dont know. My feelings are non-existent . I just feel numb
2006-10-11 23:20:18 · 15 answers · asked by sashabubble 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Feeling numb and having difficulty making decisions is part of depression. The part about him being violent is what scares me. Usually once they have gotten away with hitting you they will do it again, if not you, then maybe your children. If he knows your capable of supporting the family he might put you through that again too. I can't say I have been through every thing that you have but some similarities are there. I just got rid of a guy after 6 years and we also were talking marriage. After 6 years of supporting him off and on and enduring his violent outbursts(started out hitting and breaking things ended up strangling me to the point he crushed vertebra's and had to have surgery) I made the decision to kick him out of my house and not take him back. You got to realize that not only you are potentially in real danger but sweetie your children are too. No matter how numb you are get the courage to save yourself and your kids from more heartache. If you need someone to talk to feel free to IM or e-mail me. One last thing I have been in a Women's group for over 4 years to help me figure out WHY I KEEP CHOOSING LOSERS. Take care of yourself and your babies you deserve HAPPINESS.
2006-10-11 23:51:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's easy for us to see what you need to do from this distance. But I guess that is why you asked us. . .
It is wise to think long and hard about this marriage proposal. You both getting together and signing a marriage license will not fix your problems. Yo have not married, so have not vowed to stick with him "in sickness and in health".
I was married to a woman for 12 years whom I adored. The feeling was mutual. We were a very close couple. She had mental/emotional problems. At the beginning I accepted it all and went with the flow. After all, I had my own baggage. At about year 8, it all began to wear pretty thin. By year 11 I got pretty tired of dealing with her stuff. It had affected our sex life and every other part of the relationship.
I don't regret that relationship or the pain I went through. It was a learning experience.
Are you ready for that lesson?
Sit down and tell him what is going on and ask for a break. If he really loves you he will back off for a while. Give him a time frame, because just saying "I need some time" will probably drive him nuts. Good luck.
2006-10-12 07:17:21 · answer #2 · answered by Jack P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is tricky as the 'numbness' you feel may be due to your depression rather than the way you feel for your partner. I would tell you to take a break from him, maybe for a fixed time such as three months if you feel in necessary to impose a time limit.
In that time, try not to focus on your relationship, but focus on yourself and get yourself right. Try to overcome your depression.
If after the time is over, you still feel numb about your partner, then I think it would probably be best to end the relationship for good so that you can both move on. However, you may find that all your feelings for him have flooded back.
Whatever you decide to do, and whatever happens, good luck.
2006-10-12 06:26:08 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you need to get some help that is alot of stress for one person to handle if he is not going to give his full support to help you take a break and figure out what life is like without a man. It can't be that bad, count on God to show you the way. Get support from family and friends whatever it takes. Be strong it is never easy to go at it alone when you are use to being with someone in a way I question my self the way you do and I know things will get better. Good Luck and God Bless!
2006-10-12 06:25:58 · answer #4 · answered by Dawnie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First and foremost, continue with your depression treatment! Make yourself better and concentrate on you and those precious kids! As the depression subsides, remain in counseling. From what you describe, I'm noticing a cycle in your life (sorry if I'm being too presumptuous!). If you are able to recognize the cycles, you are able to break them and move forward with your life and facilitate a positive environment for the kiddos. I've been in a similar situation..... It's a long road, but one worth traveling. Good luck and God bless you and those children. Remember to pray for your partner too!
2006-10-12 06:31:34 · answer #5 · answered by Erich K 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two depressed people in the same house is asking for trouble, you should have seen his insecurities years ago, I would not marry this man you need to step back from the situation and have a good look at it from the outside, don’t just stay “for the kids sakes” they could get messed up being in that environment.
2006-10-12 06:25:12 · answer #6 · answered by carla s 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry - but only you and your partner can work this out. You two need to communicate more, set a time and talk about this problem, no matter how hard it maybe. You will respect each more for doing it, and if you're both mature and committed to the relationship you can work this out.
2006-10-12 06:23:10 · answer #7 · answered by Chεεrs [uk] 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Concentrate on getting yourself 100% before making any life changing decisions. When you are well you will know what is right for you and if he continues to put pressure on you then let him know he is only making it worse and you don't want to be rushed into something so serious.
2006-10-12 11:53:10 · answer #8 · answered by mbaker_713 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to take a break.
It's not a good sign that he had hurt you physically before as there's a possibility that he might do this again, as he is violent.
Seek councelling.
2006-10-12 20:44:01 · answer #9 · answered by -j4n3- 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It couldn't be better than that,,
2 husbands before,, the third on his way!
just don't miss him cause u'll not find another guy,, he tastes what u've already had before so may things changes on the near future!
2006-10-12 15:53:20 · answer #10 · answered by Alex 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋