I'm married to a foreign national who just got her immigrant visa to the U.S. based on us being married. We have 2 kids (2 & 1). I'm in the military stationed in Germany right now but about to move back to the states in a few months. We've been married now for 3 1/2 years but for the past year it hasn't been working out. I don't feel any emotion towards her anymore, I only care for my kids and their safety. If we were to divorce now, she will not be able to live in the U.S. because her visa will not be accepted unless she is married to me. She will have to return to Cameroon, Africa. My kids are U.S. Citizens. Here is the twist. I have recently fallin' in love with another woman and I want to be with her. She knows my situation and is here in Germany working. She is American and she's currently going through a divorce that's almost final. She can't come the U.S. with me when I leave but we want to be together. What steps should I take with each situation?
2006-10-11 23:12:48 · 16 answers · asked by Big D 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First of all, I didn't go to any foreign country to just marry a "poor girl". I met her here in Germany and she was here on a student visa. Her visa for Germany expired before we got married, but that's not relevant. It was a mistake, and it's not my fault that we're getting a divorce, she is the one who doesn't want to be with me anymore. Since that's the case I've grown apart from her and now I want to get this taken care of. My plan is to return to the states with her, get her settled and able to live then get a divorce and work on my new relationship with the other girl after that. I'm not into causing anyone any pain, it's just frustrating having to deal with her crap all the time that's why I'm hesitant to allow her to goto the states, but for the kids sake, I must. Thanks for the comments, enjoyed it, except for the last one. :)
2006-10-12 00:02:50 · update #1
You have an obligation to the woman you're married to. Stay with her until her US visa allows her to stay in the US, then go and do whatever you want.
Careful of the other woman....you're both going through traumatic marriage breakups and you may only think you're falling in love. You're both having a bad time and need each other - that's not necessarily love.
My advice:
1. Look after kids
2. Look after wife
3. Look after yourself.
2006-10-11 23:24:06 · answer #1 · answered by TonyB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So, you went to a foriegn country, married some poor innocent girl just so you could get in her pants, got her pregnant twice, now your returning to the states and want to dump her so you can marry your american girl friend ! You sir are a typical military ASSHOLE who should be beaten within an inch of his life.
Well, as the husband of a foriegn bride and someone who has spent many hours reading over immigration laws and regulations I want to inform you: You are screwed buddy, you have already passed the 2 year mark which means that your wife can enter the united states with or with out you, married or divorced from you and most likely if she can get a good lawyer your sorry *** will be supporting her for the next 6 1/2 years because when you married her and filed her immigrant visa application you had to sign a 10 year afidavit of support just like any other american citizen who marries a foriegner.. If you abandon her I hope she comes to the states and blisters your *** in court. For a matter of fact, If i knew who she was and how to contact her I would help her do just that very thing.. If I were you I would be worrieing about her fileing a complaint with immigration alleging marriage under false pretense. I've got no use for low life scum bags like you !
2006-10-11 23:32:36 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, don't ask a question unless you are prepared to hear or read the answer. You may not like the answer but, oh well!
There is never just one person who is at fault in a divorce. Why does she suddnely not have feelings for you?
Look inside yourself for the anwer.
And, maybe you need to think of your kids more, instead of finding a spare tire before the divorce is final. How many kids does the new one have?
Have you thought that maybe your soon to be deported wife is numb to you because she had a hidden agenda to marry you but now realizes there is no chemistry between you? This happens a lot with this kind of situation.
I guess you probably will not like this answer either. You may need to go to "www/I get the answers I want.com" for your next quesion?
2006-10-12 00:26:35 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow that's tough, I understand that you do not have feelings for your wife anymore but she is the mother of your children and it is not really fair that she would have to leave her children behind if you get a divorce. Every child needs there mother. I would hope there is some kind of exception for this situation. I think what is important now is your children focus on what is best for them. I understand your in love with another woman which love is so overpowering however, you need to decide what is more important first maybe put your love on hold and handle your current situation. If you were meant to be together them you will be. Good Luck!
2006-10-11 23:21:20 · answer #4 · answered by Dawnie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are miserable and have been miserable because you have not had the balls to stand up for yourself for a long time now. You should have gotten out when you knew you did not love her anymore.. Why stay if there is no love?? For the kids?? You know that kids could be more emotionally damaged when they stay in a home with two parents who don't love each other and who are miserable and in constant turmoil, then those who have to deal with the visitations, and the step parents right? I was a step child, and although it was difficult, I have neices and nephews and have known other children that are growing up in homes with parents that believe in the "do it for the kids" theory and they are way more f#%# up in the head then my siblings and I were.. or than my own kids are (2) kids of mine from previous marriage. In any case, I wish you much luck but definetely.. GET OUT and then you can decide what to do with your LOVE life and your life in general
2016-03-18 08:09:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you needed to worry about how to handle this the right way a while back when you started have feelings for some new woman.I think that you should let the wife know that you want the divorce & that you will wait until she gets her citizenship. With #2 I guess if you guys are crazy in love you go visit her .Do I think you should add her into life right away ?NO! You need to take this slow. Stop jumping from one woman to another.
2006-10-11 23:25:30 · answer #6 · answered by "karma" 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get your divorce and take your kids and go back to the states. IF this other women wants to be in your life, stay in touch with her after you leave and let nature takes its course. Just get through your situation and get your life back together and see what happens, I know she may want to be with you but don't rush anything for now and see if its meant to be. If it is, then it will work out. You have enough things to deal with right now, just get your and your kids life going right now and see what happens. Good Luck
2006-10-11 23:17:58 · answer #7 · answered by kevin T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i don't know about america, u have to ask in immigrants office, but for instance in europe if a woman has been married for 3 years she has the rights to stay in european union - they will give her continuous visa and even if she gets divorsed she might apply for citizenships after 3 years of permanent living in the european country(im talking about well developed countries like germany) no matter whether she is still married or not. also she might get visa cos her kids have citizenship. u may divorse her
2006-10-11 23:17:40 · answer #8 · answered by jacky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok stay married to help the mother of your children but let her understand that its over or i think she can take her children back to africa with her check the immigration laws for your children and before you make changes in you life think about this new woman your in love with how long has it been?remember new love is always good sometimes the grass isnt greener on the other side.think twice before you make changes that will effect everybody.
2006-10-12 00:01:14 · answer #9 · answered by nicole l 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, divorce is never simple. Consult a lawyer. They know the loopholes so your future ex-wife can stay in the U.S. I assume you don't want to deny your children their real mother.
2006-10-11 23:17:07 · answer #10 · answered by vampire_kitti 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋