I am always looking for some extra insight. I posted a few days ago about my wife asking me to leave. Not having sex in 6 months and financial issues have created a rift between the 2 of us. We have communicated by E-Mail, just our thoughts and feelings. We can't get together before Sunday, maybe even Monday. I'm afraid I might lose her. Does anybody have a thought as to what it is I should do? Again, always looking for other people's insight.
2006-10-11 22:52:45 · 13 answers · asked by Norm 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's not that we don't want to make the time. Our work schedules conflict (Also part of the problem). The sex issue has been addressed. It was a medical problem with me, I have now gone to the doctor and getting it cared for.
2006-10-11 23:01:17 · update #1
Off of our paychecks we take an average of $1200 for bills. The problem wasn't that we didn't make enough, just not doing the right things with it. Getting back on track now. No kids. I know I should be talking to her but I can't, I work midnights, she workd afternoons. Like I said, part of the problem. I want to be ready with every bit of info I can get. I've never had to deal with this. Looking for people who have had similar problems or just anybody who has an idea as to what I should do. I'm not looking for instructions, just ideas.
2006-10-11 23:28:42 · update #2
Ok. First off let me say that I don't think you will loose her. My husband and I have been married for 5 years. We also don't have any kids and we have also been having problems financially. Just like you said, not due to not making enough, just needless spending. I can vouch for the sex thing. It was me not wanting to have sex out of no desire. Being depressed can cause that easily. He works days and I work midnights. It is hard when you work different shifts because that means less time with each other. The financial issue is bad because I am the one responsible and it is hard to tell your spouse no when they want something. You don't want to feel like a parent instead of an equal partner in marriage. It is a tough situation and I hope it can be resolved for you. My advise is to meet with her as soon as possible and talk everything out. Don't leave anything out. Put it all out on the table and then decide if the marriage is worth saving. Ours was because we loved each other enough to work it out. It is not easy, but it is worth it. Good Luck!
2006-10-11 23:47:32 · answer #1 · answered by Karin H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know all the details as I didn't see your posting from the last day.
First of all, if you are still communicating by email it's not a bad sign.
I'm not sure if you have children or anything so this advice could be tottally wrong but you know yourself anyway.
Not having sex can be caused by a lot of factors.
1. If your wife has given birth recently she is probably just gone off sex for a while. Most women loose their sex drive after child birth.
2. Stress. If either of you are under any extra pressure or stress at work then this can be reflected in your sex lives. You may be either too tired or too frustrated.
3. Your financial problems could be a major contributing factor to the lack of a sex life. Financial difficulty can really tear a marraige apart.
I think in order to get your sex lives back on track you need to sort out your financial troubles.
You both have to sit down together and find out where the money is going. If you have a huge mortgage it may be best to sell up and move into affordable housing for a while.
Are you both working ? Maybe there is a chance of a promotion for one of you? You may have to cut down on social drinking and dining out to save some cash.
Go to your bank and enquire about a loan that will incorporate all of your debts into one payment scheme. This way all of you debts will be consolidated and they are easier to manage.
the main thing is to maintain contact. You both have to have a serious talk. There may be children to take into account. It won't be easy and it will be a long process but eventually things will come right.
Most of all though you have to stop asking total strangers on Yahoo Answers for their advice on your sex life. It's your wife you should be discussing that with.
Good luck
2006-10-11 23:11:19 · answer #2 · answered by specs appeal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you two really cared about each other and really want to save what you have, then you would make the time. Take one day off from work and tell her to do the same. I'm pretty sure that you guys won't get fired for taking one day off of your busy schedule. Go to the park and have a picnic and talk about your issues. My husband works at night until work is done(military). When he gets home, he is asleep for half the day, but yet, he always makes time for me and the kids. Like I said, if your relationship is important to you and your significant other, you would make the time to work things out. Goodluck.
2006-10-12 00:50:32 · answer #3 · answered by bsantos0523 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I read a bit of your history- and you had a feeling- no sex for three mos- if that was her idea she must be reallly hurt or ticked off-financial issues can be fixed- it is usually a sympton of another underlying problem= it does not sound good- how about marriage counseling,esp if you have children- and Crown Financial ministries and be patient in the mean time- you can't make her do anything- I will be praying for you all- take care- D
2006-10-11 23:02:29 · answer #4 · answered by Debby B 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Looks to me like the real problem is TIME. You can't get together until Sunday or Monday? She's your wife and you are her husband....make some TIME for each other. Nothing is more important.
If you really don't want to lose her, then I'd stop whatever else was going on and go to her. She should be willing to do the same thing for you.
2006-10-11 22:56:48 · answer #5 · answered by zil28ennov 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your wife how you fell do something special for her on a weekly bases, small things like breakfest in bed, a foot massage, a candal lit dinner cooked by you, love notes in the car left on the wheel so she see's them, put away your own clothes as well as hers, a chic flick, or a entire night to talk about how you feel with out putting the blame on her.
As for the financial problems take 150$ if not more off every pay and put towards bills, take 50$ and put it towards a night out (movie of her choice and a dinner).
Sometimes all it takes is a simple I LOVE YOU or YOU LOOK GREAT!
2006-10-11 23:10:39 · answer #6 · answered by Chantelle D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
two separate issues there
women usually have demands that the guy needs to fulfill before they will get in the mood for sex.
then there's the sex itself.
I used to have a girlfriend who would say if you don't have a haircut I won't feel comfortable having sex with you, and if you don't wear a suit I won't feel comfortable having sex with you.
Or anything else she wanted me to do. I broke off with her.
Admittedly, it's fair to argue that being a good financial provider is more important than the example I gave but it is one way of deciding if you really think sticking around is worth what you have to go through to get emotional and physical satisfaction within that relationship.
Being single has its good points.
2006-10-11 23:08:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Financial and communication problems are 99% the reason divorce lawyers are getting richer off of married couples in the US today.
Your employment and shift schedules are a matter of choice. You both need employment to survive and knew that when you both married. You just need to find balance between the work schedules to make time for each other.
Reaching out and touching your wife (partner) via email is alright but not personal enough....Leave your wife a nice hand made card expressing your feelings...sentimental.... A long stemmed rose occassionally...ROMANCE..
Your financial issues should be addressed immediately and acknowledged by both of you. Set a goal to pay off debt. Start with one bill at a time....Set your goal to get rid of the highest interest debt 1st. If you owe $1000.00 to a Credit Card....make a goal to have that $1000.00 either paid in full in 30 days or split it up in to either 2 equal payments (2Months $500) or 3 payments of $333.33 (3months)....ride yourself of credit card debt all together.
Keep your life simple by concentrating on just your life sustaining obligations---FOOD, SHELTER, UTILITIES, Car Insurance, CAR PAYMENT-----Contact all your credit cards and see if you can voluntarily work a payment arrangment with them and have them FREEZE the cards until you're out of debt with them.
There are alot of credit counseling companies Non-Profit....that say they help you.....Help yourself and do a voluntary workout and hopefully you'll get yourself out of the debt Albatross quicker!
2006-10-11 23:37:34 · answer #8 · answered by aunt_beeaa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i would think that she would want to no the truth just tell her from your heart your feelings for her and how much you love her and want her back. this should help the situation if you cant meet till monday dont take it out on her just say ok i will be glad to catch up ill c u soon keep calm it will all work out just try and believe in yourself....
2006-10-11 22:59:00 · answer #9 · answered by Karen J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You mentioned the sex issue. Are you trying to work on that? Is there anything that can be done? Im just saying that I hope youre not ignoring what she is telling you. Sex is a delicate issue and ignoring it can make her angry/hurt. Good luck to you.
2006-10-11 22:58:54 · answer #10 · answered by Lalalalalala 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋