I hope to get serious response. I have chronic pain,diabetes,heart trouble,sex life is gone,?Penil implant????

Question

I Love my wife very much. I feel so useless.I am disabled with construction accident. All of our children are grown and we are blessed with 6 Grandchildren,of which we are raising a 16 month little boy.I would just like to satisfy wife.Between the narcotic pain meds,diabetes,no longer the breadwinner all of bloodpressure meds prostate trouble stress, and all this I know is not good for ones lovelife I'm embarresed to talk with Doctor.. so I thought someone could share experience with an implant,,this is dead serious, so please dont make me feel worse//Thanks

Answer 1

i don't know anything about the implant deal, but i can give you a female point of view....

if you and your wife have been together for all those years, you must be doing something right other than in the bedroom!

if i were in the position of your wife with my husband, i know without a doubt that i would not want him to worry about having a sex life. especially if he were in a lot of pain.

in a more medical point of view, i think an implant will be way more painful for you than just talking to your doctor. there may be something he can give you to help w/out going to the extremes. if you feel that sex is a must for you and your wife, then go with a pill first. besides, even to get an implant you've got to talk to your doctor, so there is no way out of that!

i also completely agree with SL Writes too! The kisses, hugs, cuddling, etc. are a very important thing to keep doing when the sex is gone. She will be happy as long as she knows you still love her. And as she said, there are "toys" and foreplay type stuff that can keep the sex up too!

Answer 2

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Answer 3

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Answer 4

Are you doing this because she is unhappy, or that you just want to satisfy her? If she is unhappy, what good would the implant do? She'll most likely still be unhappy with the other "problems" you are having, like financial etc.

Your health comes first, and I'm certain that you would be risking your life with any operation. Your health could deteriorate also. Being diabetic and having heart problems is serious and I hope to God that you don't attempt to use Viagra because of your heart problems, it can kill you.

Maybe you need to re think what is important in life. Maybe she does too. What ever happened to the marriage vows? "In sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer, etc."??

The sex may be an important thing in your marriage, I agree, but your life is even more important. You have grandchildren and a little boy you are raising and you need to be there for them.

You are not useless. I hope your wife isn't telling you that. I'm willing to be that your grandkids, and the little boy you are raising, look up to you. YOU are their hero and you mean so much more to them than you may realize. Maybe now you don't see that because you are blinded by depression. Maybe counseling could help you to talk things out to your wife, so she can understand how serious that operation can be. I'm sure some medical people may say "oh its simple," but see if they don't make you sign all those papers before surgery "just in case." ANY operation is dangerous, but you are at higher risk.

Don't be embarrased to talk to your doctor. If it's a female, get a male doctor. Your doctor may be able to help you more than you know. Just because someone here got an implant and tells you how good it worked, does not mean it is meant for you. Every person is different, please keep that in mind.

I DO know what you are going through. I'm female, but I'll be willing to bet that there are very few differences.
Keep your chin up and remember that you are still very much a man.

Answer 5

I would never tell you to cut out school I found out the hard way many years ago there could be a time when you have to work. I was married young and in the truth. My husband got sick and couldn't work and I had two children. So had to go to work in retail also and it is so hard to live on min. wage. When he got better I went to VOTECH and got a better job. Which sense he had this illness again I was so glad I did. You cannot let others dictate how you live your life. They think they know your stress level but they don't. Remember the study article Sunday? Jehovah doesn't demand more from us than we can do. But sometimes we think he does and get stressed we can't measure up. When my husband was working I quit and got more time in service. When he was sick I knew I could keep us going if I had to. It was rough being young and trying to be all things to everyone. Taking care of ageing sisters and congregation responsibilities. Cleaning and helping. Then when the kids were grown and we got old and retired we moved to where the need was great. From California and friends and family to a very rural community in Oklahoma where we are the only witnesses. For several towns. One elderly sister was old here several towns over and we pick her up and take her the 30 miles one way to a meeting. Where the congregation had 32 people there sunday. We sold our home and purchased a mobile home. So had to give a lot of stuff away. Life is a series of changes, honey. Just take it one day at a time. Then I fell on the ice and broke my leg in 6 places. virtually crushed it. I had surgury and plates and screws put in to save the leg. I felt useless, my son recommended a computer. That helped me so much. also a pioneer sister my buddy, helped me to see that do what you can. She had to leave the pioneer work because of diabetes and she lost both legs from the knee down. So now we do what we can. You have to be content with that. Jehovah understands we are just people. Just do what I did. I made sure I studied the watchtower every week, even though from a hospital bed I was unable to attend. In fact I studied every article. Don't let others make plans for you. Just say NO.

Answer 6

Take care of your diabetes and keep sugars intact- if your pain is some diabetic neuropathy you have gone too long and not managed your diabetes- your life and health is more important than food- control those sugars- you do not want to wind up w kidney failure and blindness! You think you have problems now- talk to your md- he has heard it ALL- it is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about- you can always be loving, kind and cuddle w your wife- most w love it- it does not always have to lead to sex- I had a patient that had a penile implant- I am an RN and have done homecare and hospice- he type aired up by pressing and pumping on it- I bet it was costly to have done- this might sound strange- but what about gratification by oral, manual or other means?? then there are the toys and the strap on you can where- or a sleeve for your male member- that should be plenty of info= can you take viagra?? If you take nitro- no- you have homework- take care- D -RN

Answer 7

I have to agree with Pamela on this as I am also in the medical field. The blood pressure meds can cause these side effects and so can your other meds. Please don't be embarrassed to talk to your doctor . They are there to help u with problems like these as they have seen a lot of cases like yours. With that said, I suggest u speak to your wife and let her know exactly how u feel about your situation. Tell her what u just told us here. Chances are, she already understands where you're coming from and she is there for u no matter what. I would caution against getting any kind of implants as these carry with it the added risks of side effects and I doubt u want to deal with any more of that.

I'm sorry u have to go through all this but please try and communicate with your wife and let her know where u stand. It's also a good opportunity to find out her side of the story. Good luck.

Answer 8

You're stressing yourself out even more by worrying about this issue. You need to feel better about yourself..I know that's difficult for you weighing up all the problems you have.

You are not useless, stop thinking like that, 6 grandchildren, raising a 16 month old grandson.. C'mon, you've got a good life..
Talk to your wife, she'll tell you how she feels, then take it from there.

I'm concerned you feel the implant will change your life totally, and it won't as you have other issues.

No harm intended.. Just a female point of view.

Answer 9

First of all just discussing your feelings with your wife should be number one. Secondly you shouldn't be embarrassed to talk to a doctor. Doctors have seen it all and heard it all. They are trained to deal with many situations. If you feel that uncomfortable about it maybe your wife could go with you and help you discuss any issues or concerns you have. I can say that I know my father in law did have an implant. He also had an enlarged prostrate but I'm not sure if the two went together or not. Some of the medication you are on could be the cause of your problems. You should definitely go see a uroligist for a complete check up before making any hasty decisions. You can be intimate with your wife in other ways. Just by opening up to her is a start. Good luck.

Answer 10

Have you had an honest discussion with your wife about your sex life? I'm a woman, so trust me when I tell you that a great many women wouldn't really mind losing the intercourse part of love at some point, as long as they continued getting the hugs, the closeness, the cuddling. If she misses orgasms, there are many ways you can satisy her without going through the potential dangers of getting an implant. Oral and toys can be a great deal of fun, and you are still completely involved in satisfying her.

Best wishes, I know all this must be terribly demoralizing to a good man.