Do I keep trying to fix our marriage or do I start thinking of myself and my happiness??

Question

I have been married seven years to my high school sweetheart and we have a wonderful child. A child that I would give my life and happiness for . I honestly believe thats what I'm doing!! Over the past few years I've noticed my relationship with my husband going down hill and with in the past few months it seems to have snowballed. I've caught him in several lies one right after the other and he doesn't seem to care. Even if the lies hurt me . We use to have a great friendship but now we seem to be less and less of friends. Then to top it all off we have no sex life! I worry that we are growing apart b\c we've grew up together we married right out of high school. I was his first girlfriend, and we were each others first (everything). But my biggest fear is my daughters feelings! What should I do??

Answer 1

I also married my first husband right out of highschool after only dating him throughout my teen years. We had three children together and were married for almost 15 years. As with you and your husband we just oneday seemed to be growing distant and apart. I don't think there is much of anything that you can do about that. There are alot of things that people will tell you to try and bring back the romance etc but we have to face that sometimes things in life change. I am a firm believer that everything happens in life for a reason and all people are brought in our lives for a reason and to teach us something. Be glad that you had the happy times with him that you had. Move on while you can still be friends but only if that is what you feel you should do. As for your daughter, she is going to be happy only if you are and if you stay in a relationship that you are not happy in then she will not be. Good luck to you.

Answer 2

My sister in CHRIST please don't be weary and just rejoice in GOD. I am a strong CHRISTIAN and I LOVE the LORD very much, We are all not perfect and things will happen in life and it all can be fixed if you just give it all to GOD and get an understanding that people can't give advice like the LORD can. (1 Corinthians 7:3-5) husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (1 Corinthians 7:3-5 ) I know you are hurt and drained out but if you just read this verse you will understand, Take back your joy, your happiness and your life, don't let any one walk your walk go through your walk for yourself, It is not always our husbands maybe we all need to understand that we not the same when we first met our husbands. Relationship of marriage shouldn't be drained out but the LOVE should be overflowed and if one isn't doing it then you do it. If your tired of it then do what is best for you and just make sure your journey is not a journey you are wishing you never made. See sometimes we think the other when the finger is pointing back. Have an adult conversation with out any insecurities why.... He isn't doing this or that and change it up like what can I do? Lets change some spice or maybe you can get a little make ove and come to him as a whole new person. Girl keep that spark going but find the LORD and he see that you are ok :) Never allow no one to let you mind frame change from who you really are, Whether it is our husband or our children or our friends. No one can understand your walk but you :) If you are willing to go through what you are going through then stop worrying cause you are still accepting what is being bargained. But if you say no I am not allowing the devil to steal my family or to steal my marriage or my joy. Then take it back what you had when you met your husband it didn't go no where it is just on hold til you get it back :)

Answer 3

Well, your daughter won't want to grow up in an unhappy household yeah? So you guys need to find what attracted you to each other in the first place & work from there. People tend to lose themselves in a relationship & before you know it you've lost your identity & you're just part of a couple rather than your own individual self. Both you & your husband need to find things to do by yourselves that feed your own souls. You also need to do coupley stuff without your child so you can rekindle some romance. And of course you need to do stuff all as a family & get some of that bonding in. For some ideas you may need to go talk to a counsellor but at any rate - you both have to want to make things better otherwise one person putting in all the effort just doesn't work. Best of luck with it.

Answer 4

You've tried and it doesn't seem to work, but it is a common saying that the seventh year is a test for all married couples. It was true for me and we got over it. If you still think he is the one you want to be with for all your life, go ahead talk about it and find solutions, but if you're not so sure, think of yourself. I don't believe in 'staying for the kids' thing. Your child can suffer more from seeing that his parents do not love each other anymore. I'm sure your daughter would prefer seeing you being friendly but not under the same roof, than always fighting living in the same house. Good luck.

Answer 5

Does your husband stay out late or all nite and always has an excuse? Has he started hanging around people who come over at all times at nite and are really nervous or jumpy? Is he LATE for EVERYTHING? Does he have a sense of urgency " I have to get this done right now/" with things he didn't b-4? Does he sweat for no reason or have a high heart rate? Does he suffer from impotence? Is he always hiding things like money or what he did with the money you gave him? If you can honestly answer "YES" to THREE of the questions, It's not your love that's failing..... its your inability to see that your husband has a problem. These questions are symptoms of drug abuse...He needs your help. Hope this helped

Answer 6

You and your husband are maturing,your interests are changing and you're growing apart. A lot of people really don't know themselves until their late twenties to early thirties.

If there is a lot of hostility in the marriage your child may be harmed by you two staying together. Children are resilient and she will get over it, even if it takes counseling. I think adults use children as an excuse for not taking control of their lives.

Answer 7

IF you were concerned about your daughter's feelings you would not make HER the reason you stay married. In the end you will only resent her and SHE will in turn resent you for blaming her for staying unhappy. No child wants to be the reason one or both of their parents are miserable. If you are unhappy you need to find out what it is that will make YOU happy and go on from there. If it means leaving your husband that is what it is going to take. Your daughter will be better off for it in the long run if her mother is happy, rather than feeling guilty all of her life for being the cause of her mother's misery.

Answer 8

1. Ask him what he wants of you and do it. I asked mine and he said he wanted me skinny again... he wanted the house taken care of and to be fed. Ok... I did it! And my life is back! Bedroom is HOT and dates are back!

2. Don't do it for HIS happiness... do it for your own. I think about each moment I have and how to do something wonderful for myself in those few moments. I cook now because it is calming, not because I have to. I clean because I want sanity and order here, not because he wants it. I exercise because it gives me more energy and health. Not because He wants it.

3. Don't split up a marriage with a child because you're bored. Boredom comes from stagnancy and in that is no change and no new learning. When you do something new, you learn something new. If you never try anything new... you die, slowly. Good luck to you!

Answer 9

For some reason men like to keep things to themselves and don't like to talk about their feelings. So maybe you need to talk to him even if he doesn't have nothing to say. As long as he knows how you feel. He needs to know that you are not happy and it will be up to him make things right.

Answer 10

It sounds like you guys need to seriously just go somewhere for a weekend and just talk. DONT FIGHT! Just tell each other how you both truely feel and then decide what to do from there! I hope I helped and good Luck!