How can I communicate better with my fiance?

Question

I am a 26 year old man on the verge of breakup with my fiance of 3+ years. I love her with all my heart, but she thinks we are growing apart. She says we do not communicate well, and I have to agree that this is a big problem for us. We have short conversations everyday, with usually nothing but small talk. We have different interests and perhaps we don't have anything important to talk about, other than trying to think of topics. I really want to salvage what we have here. I appreciate any thoughts, especially from those who have been through this.

Answer 1

Speak your Mind. No matter what's in there. To you it can be a small talk and no big deal...but how would you know if you didn't tell her? If you think what you'll say is corny, ask her "is that corny?"....if you think it's gross, ask her " is it gross?"....getting her say on some small stuff can be a start of something big. Once you have the ball rolling you can just talk about anything. From likes to dislikes, what makes you both laugh and feel offended.

Me and my bf have a great communication. He loves it when I say what's on my mind. It's really effective. We have shared some of our deepest emotions and anxieties. We talk about anything...from nuclear testing to broken nails....from dogs to paragliding...from AFL to snoring..lol....just about anything! I try to find out what he likes and start from there. Doing everyday things together can help too.

Remember you have a whole life ahead if you're planning of getting married. So be creative.

Answer 2

Hi Ben, this is Ben also haha. Funny you say this, I'm a little younger but dated a girl for three years and we had the same problem. For the first few years we shared very similar interests and got along great. We talked all the time, were basically inseparable. But toward the end of that third year, she started up at a new college and met new people. She became bored with what she had had for three years and sub-consciously found things that made us different.

My best advice is to give it some time. Don't rush anything. Don't think about separating at the same time, but give each other a little space. Let her miss you and the things she enjoyed about you. Remember that something that seems a little more unattainable is more enticing.If you guys start to drift back together, find something new that you both can enjoy and like to do together. Good luck!

Answer 3

Im 27 years old ive been married for about 6 years now, my wife and i dont have much in common either, thats whats makes it so nice, being that you are different from one another you have the ability to share something or tell her something that she may not know, theres really nothing wrong with small talk regarding small topics, you dont have to have large conversations. BUt i do know what she is meaning by better communication, for both of you to listen and be heard, and remember what is being said. You have been to gether for 3 years thats along time for todas standards something must be going right to be together fon that long. BUt my advice set down together and just talk express your feeling along with her feeling, find out if ther is anything that you need to work on in the relationship and then let her know if there is something she can work, remember stay opened minded, if neither of you can take criticism from one another while you are doing this then the idea of staying together isnt very good, but good look and best wishes

Answer 4

First of all I think you should analyze why the lack of communication, I mean, is it because you really have nothing to say? or is it because you don't say (or don't know how to say) what you want to say?
For the latter I think the best way to 'say' things you don't know how to say, is by letter. One tip is writing all down and then letting the other person read the message in front of you, so it's easy to have instant reply. Remember complaints shouldn’t start with “you” do this, or “you” don’t do that, it should always come from you as in “I feel” this or that.
If you don't have anything to say because you're "growing apart", then you should find the common ground that put you together in the first place. It’s good you both have your own lives, but the thing in a relationship is getting to the point where you share them. Anyway it’s important you find or rediscover things you both like and enjoy doing.
I hope this helps someway.
Good luck!

Answer 5

You say that the two of you have different interests...since you're engaged, and planning to spend your lives together, maybe it's time to cultivate some common interests. Have the two of you ever sat down together to discuss any "serious" topics? Do you know her opinions on politics, religion, history, the weather? Do you put aside time to spend together alone, not doing anything at all, just...talking? Suggest having a quiet dinner together, or taking a long walk, and just...talk. Whatever comes to mind. Don't try to force the conversation to flow, let it flow naturally. Always keep in mind, the best communicator is the best listener. Good luck.

Answer 6

I had the exact same problem with one of my ex's. She was one of the best people that I have met, but like your situation, we just had absolutely nothing to talk about. We too loved each other very much, and we rarely argued. Of course, this may have been the reason why we rarely argued, because we rarely spoke to each other.
We were sitting around the house one day watching TV, and I forget how this conversation was brought up, but we start actually talking about us not talking. We had a little laugh about it, and eventually called it quits because of it.
We both are happy for what we had done, and still remain friends who speak more now than what we did when we were together.
If both of you are unhappy because of this, then in my opinion, both of you need to move one to someone else. That seems like a harsh concept, but why get married just for this problem to persist into a bad relationship. End it now while you two are still friends.

Answer 7

I think open communication should come naturally to a couple. If it doesn't then really you shouldn't be a couple about to get married. It just wasn't meant to be if you have no similiar interest and can't talk to one another. You say you want to salvage what you have, but it doesn't sound like you have much. Communication is the foundation for marriage, without it, it never works. Best to think about ending the relationship. You will know when you have found your life partner, I don't think she is the one for you or you for her.

Answer 8

If you two are working and have little time together, it is time to spark some things up, and I do not mean in bed. My fiance and I would always sit and talk for hours when he got home. The time we had together was spent rediscovering each other. Now are precious time is when the kids go to bed. We get a movie on Pay Per View and cuddle on the couch.

You need to get back to what you fell in love with each other for in the first place. Good luck!

Answer 9

I can't claim to know what you're going through, but I'm sorry that you're hurting. Your message is pretty telling though... you've been engaged for more than 3 years and yet you don't communicate. So what has kept you together? Will it sustain a marriage?

What are your expectations in a marriage, from a life partner? What are hers? It seems to me that if you've been together for three years and you don't have anything to talk about, then what can you look forward to 30 years from now?

Do you want to build a life with someone you can't or don't talk to, or who doesn't talk to you? You both deserve so much more than that.

Things may not work out the way you want them to, but they usually work out the way they're supposed to. And in the meantime, my thoughts are with you...

Answer 10

Maybe you should sit down together and find out why you got to this point. What did you do when you first started dating. There had to be something special about this woman that made you ask her to marry you. Sometimes you have to look to the past and remember what it was that brought you two together and remember the good times and try to make things right again. Never forget the love you two have for each other. Maybe you need to find something you can do together and do it. That might can help