I've been having a relationship with a 54-year-old married man and I’m 20-years-old! This has been going on since September 3, 2005. I want to leave him but I can't because I don't want to hurt him. Why am I in love with the wrong person? He has been married for 21 years now and has 2 children. A girl who is18 and has autism and a boy who is 20 and is a slow learner. He says he wants to leave his wife and be with me but I doubt that he will EVER get a divorced from her. I have suggested marriage counseling but the wife said that they can work it out on their own. I did a tarot card reading about two weeks ago and the cards told me to leave him or something bad will happen. The sex is great with him! I am friends with the 20-year-old boy. This is his second marriage. We sneak around a lot and find odd places to make love. People have seen us together but they haven’t put two and two together yet. I feel horrible about being his mistress and I don’t want to come in between their marriage. Every time I’m around him, I forget about everything else. He treats me like a princess! I will hate it whenever his wife and children will find out about us or if he gets me pregnant! We never wear protection whenever we have sex.
2006-10-11 16:18:34 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
THIS IS A REAL QUESTION!
My married man gets so jealous if I talk, bring around guys, etc. What should I do about this situation?
2006-10-11 16:35:30 · update #1
Why is he cheating on his wife with me? I think he had a mid-life crisis. He has fallen out of love with his wife and in love with me. His daughter caught us having sex once before but she didn’t tell her mom.
2006-10-11 16:41:09 · update #2
Are you for real? Stop. Break it off now.
2006-10-11 16:22:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He may well still like you, but what he is doing now is getting "cold feet". He's about to make a change that cannot be undone (marriage may be "undone" by divorce in the eyes of the state, but God makes it quite clear in the bible that in his eyes, it does not - but that is a different story). We promise to get married "til death do us part", not "til we have a big argument and decide we want a divorce". Anyhow, he's questioning if he made the right decision, to marry her vs. say pursue a relationship with you. He needs to answer that question, and figure out that the answer is he wants to marry her - if not, then he'll always wonder what might have been, which is not healthy for the marriage. I'm not saying you should help him explore the possibility of what a love relationship with you would be like. I'm saying, put a nail in that coffin so that he can move on. He is having a baby with her! That baby needs both a mommy and a daddy. He may be wondering if he is making a mistake, but that's probably it. Frankly, if it is a mistake to marry her, then it is a mistake to marry her, whether or not you are there. That decision has to be made totally apart from any decision about you. If you ever do have a relationship someday, then that relationship needs to be on it's own - not tied to the dissolution of his relationship with her. For the baby's sake, I sincerely hope that he is just having cold feet. None the less, the needs of the child outweigh the needs of the adult (and if he doesn't feel that way, then he has no business fathering children, IMHO). Even if his relationship with her is less than perfect, he needs to suck one up for the team and provide his child with a father. He made a decision to (potentially) be a father when he had (unprotected) sex with her. It's time to stand up, in a tux, for the decisions he made when he was naked. I'll get off my soap box now. I'm not saying push him to go through with the marriage, but make it clear that whether or not he was getting married, you would not pursue a love relationship with him. This will free him up to move on and marry her, or if he does not, then the decision not to won't be inextricably tied to you (which can come back to haunt you).
2016-03-28 05:54:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
C'mon, gimme a break! You have some serious growing up to do! What's so confusing? It's wrong, you admit that you know it's wrong and it's not going to get you anywhere but hurt and/or pregnant.
Life does not revolve around fun and excitement and it certainly doesn't revolve around sex. Is the pleasure of sex and the way he treats you really worth the risk of destroying the man's family? And that's not to mention the personal risks you yourself are taking!
The only thing you're confused about is how to have your cake and eat it too. BTW, that is NOT LOVE, it's LUST. If you loved him, you would not want to put his family life and well-being at risk for the sake of an illicit affair. Besides, the man is only using you anyway. It's not as if he's going to leave his family to marry a 20 year-old. Even if he did, he cheated with you, what makes you think he'd ever really be yours to keep?
2006-10-11 16:42:00 · answer #3 · answered by Leroy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Girl been there done that! Met a guy became best friends and not sure when it moved to the phase of lovers... sex was not necessary we really enjoyed each other's company. I was 26 then. We remained in that comfort zone for 5 1/2 years and then one day i realised that i would always be the person on the outside lookin in... cause he had three kids with his wife and one was born even when we were seeing each other. I honestly thought he felt the same way about me...and loved me as much as i loved him. I have moved on and still think about however, now i am his best friend and his worst enemy. Being a parent now i realise we have unconditional love for our children and would put them first and thats how he must have felt too.He did not leave his wife for me, or you in this case cause he has kids and secondly, if he his wife catches him they'll go through some hard times but at the end of the day they'll work it about and nine of out ten times they would leave you, professing their undying love for you but their kids come first, hoping you would understand. Hope you're not as silly as i was to be paying the expenses too.... ps... i thought my situation was unique and nobody would understand our "love." lol
2006-10-11 16:34:38 · answer #4 · answered by always angry 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You like to play with fire don't you? When I was 20 years old, I used to love the excitement of doing things that were dangerous and taboo. But playing with fire can have some really deadly side effects and consequences. That's what makes it even better for you now, but you will pay a price if you continue with what you do.
Not only can you get pregnant, you can catch a disease, ruin any chance for two challenged adult/children to have a future and success in life, get physically hurt by someone who's been married to someone for 21 years, just for some emotional gratification. When your forty he will be 94. Is it worth it? That's the question isn't it?
2006-10-11 16:48:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
U claim to not want to come between their marriage but u already did. So which is it? It doesn't take a tarot card to to tell u that u shouldn't be messing with a married man. All it takes is common sense. And as u know from his actions that most likely, he will never leave his wife and family for u because he has too much to lose.
U can continue to believe that u are everything to him but as far as he's concerned, you're probably just a booty call. So...if u don't want to be in this drama any longer, then what's stopping u from leaving?
2006-10-11 16:24:50 · answer #6 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What is so confusing??? You know the answer to your own question. You just want to hear other people confirm it.
Wise up. You don't need a bunch of bozos on the internet or someone with tarot cards to tell you this will come to no good.
LEAVE HIM!
Go on with your life. He is just an immitation of what you really want. Even if he did leave his wife for you, would you really feel secure in a relationship with a cheater? What makes you think he wouldn't cheat on you down the road.
2006-10-11 16:45:32 · answer #7 · answered by Smart Kat 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if this is a real question....Oh never mind it cant be. Well maybe it is...Hmmm.....okay if it is....break this off NOW. Don't be a Home wrecker.
Okay now if this is what I think it is....all BS then have a Foursome with him....his 18 year old girl....and the 20 year old "Slow learner" I am sure he would like some action. Maybe that's what the Cards REALLY what to happen! Just think how Great the sex would be then!
2006-10-11 16:29:20 · answer #8 · answered by oldman 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
1) if you keep seeing him--get on the pill, or buy some condoms. You can bet that if you get pregnant, it will be YOUR situation to work out.
2) but don't keep seeing him. You have no future together.
3) if you don't do either 1) or 2)....might as well call around about paternity testing and family lawyers, so you can get a head jump on getting an order for child support. Too bad you will take away from his existing kids who need the do-re-mi, but that's his fault too!
2006-10-11 16:28:07 · answer #9 · answered by silentnonrev 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is cheating on his wife with you because YOU are allowing him to do so. He obviously isn't going to leave his wife, he is basically using you. If you feel so bad for his wife and children why are YOU choosing to continue this relationship? I don't buy your false "guilt". You're being used and obviously you like it. You are basically a "doormat" and the only way to stop being treated like one is to stop lying down on the ground allowing this guy to walk all over you. Get a friggin back bone and next time he shows up tell him to go home to his wife.
2006-10-11 20:02:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really do need to stop this affair ASAP. Not only is he TOO old for you, but your interferring in someone else's marriage. He's not going to divorce his wife. Wake up! He has his marriage and a mistress, why in the hell would he divorce her!!! And if you get pregnant, you have no one to blame but yourself. Use protection!!!!!!! Don't bring ANOTHER unwanted child into this world. Wake up and stop seeing this guy.
2006-10-11 17:23:02 · answer #11 · answered by older&wiserforit 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋