Road of life
The road of life is unpredictable
Sometimes there are forks in our road
Trying to make the right decisions
There are rocky roads like a country road
When we are having hard times
We have constructions in the road
When we try to recovery from the rocky roads
The best times in the road the smooth times
When we are having good times
By learning from my experiences I hope to stay on the smooth road
2006-10-11 16:04:31 · 10 answers · asked by drod92@sbcglobal.net 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
I really love your poem,it was really very comforting and would make anyone who is feeling down feel a lot better.
2006-10-11 16:10:10 · answer #1 · answered by T.Mack 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Parts of it work for me and others do not. I think you use road too much. Try another word for road that has the texture for what you are trying to put across. Also your tense changes a bit and that draws the reader out of the poem.
Overall this is a cool view of life and needs just a bit of shaping. You are on your way. Good job!
2006-10-11 23:20:14 · answer #2 · answered by Wild Ape 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The more you do anything the better you will get at it. keep working, its not bad, how long have you been writing? Poems paint a verbal picture, think of that the next time you write. Reading your poem I have trouble seeing the picture you are trying to paint, to use your own words, its a little rocky. Good luck.
2006-10-11 23:13:26 · answer #3 · answered by Whynotguy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The road ahead
Is never meant to be smooth and straight.
To overcome the stumbling blocks along the way
We learnt each and every day.
That makes us wiser to survive through this real world
For it's never promised to be a bed of roses.
;-)
2006-10-12 00:34:55 · answer #4 · answered by TK 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nice 1
2006-10-11 23:06:15 · answer #5 · answered by silverearth1 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's wise, but it's not really as much a poem as a statement. Read it out loud, it needs to flow a bit better. This is constructive criticism, so don't feel bad about it.
2006-10-11 23:09:47 · answer #6 · answered by Connor 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is okay. Too much use of the word road.
2006-10-11 23:12:47 · answer #7 · answered by Emma 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like the idea of the poem, you just need to word it better, make it flow.
2006-10-11 23:07:00 · answer #8 · answered by day dreamin baby 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
average. u should try to make it a more emotional and touchy. it lacks emotions...its more materialistic...maybe coz of ur writing style. good luck
2006-10-11 23:09:42 · answer #9 · answered by tahiarahman 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what an obsession with roads, uh?
2006-10-11 23:09:48 · answer #10 · answered by athalia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋