I am falling out of love with my husband....what should I do?

Question

My hsuband confessed after getting caught having an affair. I do love him and want my marriage to work. 5 mos has gone by and my feelings for him are slowly fading. I am doing more for me and the kids and not really noticing when he isnt' around. He walked in tonight, I was in the basement, and for the 1st time really wasn't excited to see him. He said "is this how I get treated from my wife who hasn't seen me all day?" I want my marriage to work b/c we have invested so much, and I really don't want to start completely over with an entirely new set of problems. I do love him but it's not the same as before the affair. I'm not depressed or sad, I'm just not inlove and content with him like I was before. Is this normal?

Answer 1

I totally think your marriage can work. You need to be talking to him and coming to terms with this. It wont really happen no matter how much you talk to others as much as when you talk with him. It'll be uncomfortable but so is the resentment youre feeling. He wants to move forward and if you really love him you need to move forward in the relationship too. Nothing is easy in marriage and maybe this wont work...but then I bet it will if you lay down what you want and expect in the marriage and he listens great things will happen again. If you get past the resentment youve got it licked hon. Good luck

Answer 2

Dont settle just becasue all the crap you;re going to have to deal with to get a divorce. Otherwise you will wake up 60 years old looking back at a shitty marriage you stayed in for the kids. WHereas, get the ball rolling for a divorce, and be true to yourself.'
Second time around may be a charm. You will eventually fall in love with someone else. It's a long road ahead but why waste your life being unhappy? Get it over with. Be honest with him and just do it.
You've lost touch with him and his actions have turned you offf. This is something that wont come back. ENd it

Answer 3

Tell him how you feel. He needs to know that he made a major mistake and there are gonna be some things he has to deal with. i.e. you not being excited to see him. He cant go and cheat on you and expect everything to go back to normal. If it were me, I wouldnt have taken him back. I know you got a lot invested, but dam, how much respect does he really have for you if he went and screwed another woman. If you are falling out of love, tell him. Give him a chance to make you happy again, then if things dont change, I would leave. Good luck!!!

Answer 4

I want you to sit down and go.

"Look... this is how I feel

a) You're a cheating scumbag
b) I feel like you don't do a lot
c) You should be worried
d) I think I'm going to fall out of love, the man I married never would have done that
e) I need help with my children
f) I don't wnat to live a dull life, I want a man I LOVE
g) If we can't resolve this, we are going to have to take permanneemt measures
h) I'm a strong woman...

Um, give or take a few of those. :-D

Look, you deserve to be happy and loved and in love... and in the world today, it's kind've hard, but I think you can acheive it.

Answer 5

I think it's normal for you to detach. He broke your trust and your bond, and only confessed after he was caught. Is he remorseful? Is he willing to go to counseling? Or is he just acting like it's water under the bridge? They say affairs are only a symptom of the real problem...so what is it? Try getting to the bottom of that question before you end your marriage. If you WANT it to work, it will, but only with work from both sides. Good luck!

Answer 6

I think you have been extremely patient but you put all your eggs into one basket, you loved him and trusted him and he betrayed you and what you are feeling is perfectly normal and natural. He might be going thru the same thing if it had been you that had the affair. Don't give him back your heart and soul to trample until you can be sure he isn't going to disappoint you again.

Good luck

Answer 7

all right listen... even if he didn't cheat, you'd probably fall out of love with him. the question is, is this marriage fixable? probably.

be honest with yourself. would this marriage be just as hard with someone else? or do you truly want out?

i would advise getting some counseling too (if you haven't already) first on your own and then with him if he's (hopefully) willing.

And good luck to you...

I hope happiness finds you.

Answer 8

You feel betrayed and feel you can't trust him anymore so your life has changed and the contentment is gone. You need to decide if you want to stay in a loveless marriage for the sake of the kids or find an honest, trustworthy guy. I know which I would pick.

Answer 9

Maybe tell him you are still disappointed at what he did. If he apologized then it would help if you forgive. Things happen in life that are tempting and we're only human. I believe apologizing and forgiveness is important to reinforce a relationship. Try doing what you did when you were dating. What you have is precious and it takes effort to keep it alive even at the best of times.

Answer 10

well i would have to say i think it really hurt you when he had his
" affair " and you might have a lot of anger now for him doing that ......not only to you but the kids to... and keep asking yourself why would he do this and maybe this is something you cant get passed .... ((and girl i don't know that i could ever get over something like that )) ............
it all i can say is if you love him well you need to try and work on it and go talk to someone the both of you ..... and if still you are feeling this way well then you know its nothing you will get over ever and you tried