What would you do?

Question

I got married almost a year ago and it has been absolute craziness since. About two months ago I found out that two months before our wedding my husband cheated on me with on of his coworkers AT WORK?! We have been together for three years and I don't understand how you could ruin that long of a relationship over something stupid like that! My husband recently said that he needs his space ( although I only see him during dinner and bedtime) and that I should just get over it. Also, he has continously flirted with other females but wants all my trust. I have never cheated on him, in fact, he was my first when we got married! He doesn't trust me and I feel taken for granite all the time. I don't feel that he is in love with me or interested, being that we are newlyweds and he acts as though he is irritated with me. I feel torn because I don't want my marriage to be a failure but at the same time i don't want to be miserable. What would you do in this situation.

Answer 1

"Love is as love does." I believe that. ALSO, when he acts as if he is irritated with you - guess what - he IS! Dump this guy, and fast.

Answer 2

This is precisely why I have never married. Because inevitably, if you wait long enough, you see the bad side and it can be overwhelming. Well I have lots of relationships, short and long term, and I can say trust is the most important thing, and respect is a furious second. A cheat, a liar, a man that has no respect for the woman in his life because he puts his "friends" that he flirts with in her face-this man will continue to be this way. Your marriage is officially one-sided, and your relationship before that was a sham. He said his vows without blinking, knowing he'd already betrayed you. Yes, it's been a long time, but you cant make your marriage work by yourself-and especially not if he thinks you have to just put up with it. You dont sound happy this way. I am an expert at telling lying cheaters to **** off-I would rather be single and lonely, then married and miserable. Let him be who he is-a single man in his mind-but he doesnt have to drag you down. Good luck

Answer 3

It's every woman's dream to get married and be happy, but that's just not reality. I'm quite sure that this guy gave you plenty of warning signs before you even got married, you just didn't pay attention to them. So now you're stuck with a man that obviously does not want you and is trying to show you that so you will leave and he can be free. That's how some men are; they don't like to be honest and hurt our feelings. They'd rather cheat or do something else stupid. Take heed to the signals that he is giving you because if you stay it will only lower your self esteem and make you feel worthless.

Answer 4

He seems to be experiencing kind of a buyer's remorse, so to speak...I read ont time that most guys cheat at a few main times in their lives--right before marriage, within the first year of marriage, during pregnancy, and I forget the others--it seems to have sometihng to do with them freaking out at life changes. Either way, I don't know whether I could be married to someone like that. It's a shame, but you're better off knowing this sooner rather than later. I would probably pursue moving out of the house and starting over...

Answer 5

I think alot of women are actaully scared to end their marriage and get a divorce. I get scared and ask myself what people will think and say if i broke up with my fionce. That has gone too far though. He should of never ever lied to you and brought that up before he tied you down. I would not trust him. You seem like an honest and beautiful women...you should not have to deal with this. Everyone should be treated with respect. You will not ruin your life but make it better once you decide what to do with him.

If i were in your situation I would tell him I want a divorce if things do not work out. If he does not change quick then I am out the door. If he loved me like the way he says he does then he would do it. He would have to learn to appreciate me. I have the rest of my life ahead of me and i do not want to be miserable, life is too short!

Do not let him do this to you

Answer 6

i feel so sorry for you, i know what you are dealing with.i lived 10 years of misery, and in the end he had been cheating awhile,dumb me did not catch on. i would never stay with a man who cheated even if i had to go against my own heart and leave him. cheating is the worst some one can do to you, it hurts our self worth, tells us we weren't loved, and that the man we put our trust in and trusted our life with doesn't love us anymore, i left him, divorced him, left the state i was living in and moved on, to a much better man, who is nothing like the man i left. once that trust is gone you can't get the marriage back. good luck to you, know that this cheating has nothing to do with you, has he even been the least bit remorseful or sorry for his deeds? actions speak louder than any words.you honestly can't get the trust back, it will always be on your miind,and you will always wonder when it will happen again.

Answer 7

I am sorry to hear that. I know how hard it is when yo are married and your spouse that you believed in is not what you married him for. All the qualities you saw were lies. Don't bother with him anymore, I know your hurting and you did not fail in marriage he did. Don't play the blame game on yourself, there is nothing you could have done to stop him from cheating. He got caught, who knows if he hasn't done it before. If you are going to accept this then do it and don't look back. If you are not again move on don't look back. I am sorry good luck.

Answer 8

this sounds a lot like my marriage.I knew my husband since we were kids and you are pretty much telling my story,for me it's only been three years since I have been married and I have been through much worse with my husband.we are separated now and I am at peace. Don't be afraid to be alone and heal your self.You know you did what you needed to do as a wife and he didn't appreciate you.No good will come to him trust me.The man upstairs is not having that.No good will come to a man that treats his wife F***ED up. You shouldn't let it keep you down.He is just one man who couldn't appreciate what he had.Some day someone will. Every thing in life is either a lesson or a blessing.....He was your lesson and that is your blessing.Holla at me if you need somebody to talk to.

Answer 9

If he is acting this way he may already have someone in line. If I were you I would start the divorce now. You already have proof of his cheating. He will continue. Please do not let him keep you down. He is turning his guilt on you to make him feel better.

Answer 10

If I were you, I'd ask myself the old Ann Landers question: am I better off with him or without him? He sounds as if he is getting ready to walk. You need to answer this for yourself, and then either leave him or try to make it work. Good luck!

Answer 11

You sound miserable. Cut your losses before you invest anymore time or effort. Your situation can only get worse.