My husbands feelings have changed for me, he says he cant love me like I deserve to be loved and that he doesnt feel love for me the way I do him. He says he knows I will never be happy because of the way he is always hurting me and wants me to be happy. I feel like this is so unfair, I chose to love him and I dont want anyone else. He says he will stay because I wouldnt go, and he doesnt want to leave me helpless (with no license no job to provide) that he cares for me, Im his best friend and he doesnt want to hurt me. But how can this not hurt. How am I going to live with this waiting for him to leave me forever. Because I know he will someday. If not soon. He says he doesnt want to leave until I can provide for our kids. I still love him, How do I get through another day, Im having a complete breakdown. It hurts that I have loved him for six years and he doesnt share those feelings. I feel like Im dying on the inside. It feels like I am grieving. How do I get survive this mess.
2006-10-11 15:27:22 · 26 answers · asked by beautifullybroken 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you guys have all been wonderful and I appreciate all the wonderful advice, I dont want to pick a best answer for this question because to me they were all great suggestions, so I think I will leave this question up for voting to see what everyone else thinks... thankyou guys very much its nice to know that people even if you dont know them are there for you when you need it the most!!!
2006-10-13 08:27:51 · update #1
you have to understand that its not your fault then you have to forget about him as your lover then you must take a deep breath and remember why he feel in love with you then use that and go get him back i know that you have in you you really this this guy you will fight for him
2006-10-11 15:31:26 · answer #1 · answered by Guy 29 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel your pain. It's the men now days. I don't want to turn this into a racial issue, but black men were never taught the value of family; the importance of loving your wife. All they watch are videos (half naked women) Life is not full of fun and games all the time. It's about responsibilities. Having a family, kids to look up to a "Father". Be a strong woman. Tell him that he needs to go ahead and leave you physically since the emotion is no longer there. Why waste your time when you can be available for a man that wants what you want. He is only saying this b/c he know that you will be there. This gives him the opportunity to cheat, lie, live a single life b/c after all....he told you he don't feel the same way. It's a game. If he is working (spousal support) if you have kids (child support) you will make it. Stay focused and live for you. Would you tell your daughter to stay in your situation? Would you approve of your son to treat his wife and kids this way?? So why would you?? Lead by example. I know it's hard, but that's life, time heal all wounds.
2006-10-11 22:37:22 · answer #2 · answered by sassy lady 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I know what you are going through right now is very painful, but it is a process. You will not heal until you have gone through this process. You need to gain some confidence in yourself, and the best way to do that is to go back to school and get your degree. If he is staying until you get on your feet, then don't wait until he leaves to make a change. Use this time to make yourself better and grow into a better woman. You can do it, even with children, if its what you really want. I know because I am doing the same thing right now. I know my husband doesn't love me, he only feels sorry for me right now. So I went back to school, and when I have my nursing license, God-willing, I will be able to go anywhere and do anything that I want. Who knows, maybe when your husband sees you doing something for yourself, maybe he will gain new respect for you and want you back. But, you have to depend on yourself to make you happy, and keep your chin up. It does get easier. When the clouds clear you will see the sunshine, and you will find happiness like you have never known. Good Luck.
2006-10-11 22:43:58 · answer #3 · answered by Teresa G 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Obviously this is a distressing situation, but don't make it a desperate one. If you are having feelings like those you have described, you need someone to talk to, and could use counseling. You need to realize that no relationship - this one or any other - should be able to make or break you. YOU have the power inside to get up off the floor, think positively, and make a plan. It's possible that this "helpless female" role you've created is the one that he's trying to escape from, and that by reviving yourself and getting strong again can win him back. Then again, by that time, you'd probably realize that you don't WANT someone who would leave you when you're down. Good luck !!
2006-10-11 22:36:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Survive by taking it one day at a time. You have loved this man for 6 years with your heart and soul, I can truly understand what you are going through. I am not going to lie and say it's going to get better right away, it's not. It's going to be a long time, before you feel complete again. He's your other half, and now he's pull away. You can do this for yourself. You can do this for the kids.
If you can't see yourself better, than focus on them babies. They need their Momma. Pull yourself up by the bootstraps, and do it for them.
Your husband is hurting too, don't think for a minute he's not. It's a different kind of hurt, but he's got some problems to deal with on his own. You need to get some professional counseling. I would call to tomorrow and get an appointment. Break-ups are hard, and it's hurts so terribly bad that you feel like you are dying, but you aren't. It ain't that easy. You are grieveing, because you married this man for life, you had your life planned around him. Now, he's not in the picture anymore, and that is very scared and confussing. But please don't let this ruin your life, and those little angels of yours. They are going to be looking at you for support, and they are going to need Mom as stable as can be.
First things first..you need to get your driver's licenses. Get a book and study, go take the test, become independent. You might like it. Your husband will be paying child support, but you proably will need to find a job. Honey, start at the bottom...we all down at one time or another. Two years from now, I bet you are going to be wondering why I was more independent, why did I relay on this man for all my happiness...because I know I did it, and you can too....It's hard, sweetie, but it is do able. You must!
So, like a friend told me, don't let a man ruin your life, if I have to come over there and put my boot up your butt to get you going I will..........
God bless us all.................
2006-10-11 22:58:46 · answer #5 · answered by totallylost 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I understand how you feel and it sucks because the pain won't go away for a long time. It affects you mentally and even phsically. Nothing can ease it except him telling you that he loves you and everything is okay. But it seems like he has his mind made up and you have to take him at his word. A lot of times we (women) don't want to accept what men have to say (and what they don't say) and that's how we end up even more hurt. You have to accept that he doesn't feel the same way about you and stand on your own two feet. Not only for you, but for your kids. Try to put them first. And get him out of your house as soon as you can because living with someone that you're in love with, but not really having them only makes it worse on you. It also helps if you have a good support system, like friends and family...and us:) Take care of yourself and your kids.
2006-10-11 22:45:36 · answer #6 · answered by MsT 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry to hear that...and I'm sure it must be very hard.......
Although he failed you in some ways, you have to admit that he's been honest with you...and we have to give him credit for that...
look at all the other side of the table: you have children, you are alive, in good health, you've been love and are still love by your family..so Shake your buddy and stop dwelling about it....Get out make yourself pretty and be confident.....Try to find a job and ask your husband to take care for all the expenses for awhile so that you have time to plan your new future....
You don't need someone who pity you...I'm sure you are worth more than that.....YOU CAN DO IT........and remember,, You are not alone....
2006-10-11 22:32:08 · answer #7 · answered by Valerie 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i am sry this is happening to you,i know letting go is hard to do ,but he has made it clear and you do deserve better.i have a feeling that if you did find a job and showed him you didnt need him he would want you again....also by staying you are sending your kids the wrong message,let your kids know that people dont have to depend on someone,that they can make it on there own one day too.get a job and learn to drive ..i have a feeling you dont have many friends to help you through this either ,,go find a support group in your area.meet people at your new job,you will think better of yourself i promise
2006-10-11 23:35:26 · answer #8 · answered by JENNIFER D 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Is so sad what´s going on right now...but you have to make him want you or leave him...so i assume you are going to choose the first option...
Sometimes guys when they feel you love him a lot... they just want something new cause that´s in his blood so..try to make an extreme make over in your looks...try to get a job and hun...you dont have to support your kids...he has to supply them too...so! if you get a job you are going to meet new people and new guys and perhaps ...if he get jealous maybe he realize how much he loves you
i think he loves you a lot but maybe he is tired of sharing the ordinary days and he needs more action.
So if he starts watching you move on and going to the gym or working and being everyday more and more beatiful and taking care of yourself instead of your kids and your house he´s going to feel like he is losing you and he will change his mind
do not cry in front of him and please hun do something for you for a change!
good luck!
2006-10-11 22:35:01 · answer #9 · answered by miliscal123 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I am so sorry that you are going through this, it is grieving! You should seek the help of a counselor in your area, some will counsel for free if you can't afford it. You need someone who can help you deal with this stress and realize that you have more purpose in your life. You will develop more self esteem through this and trust me, even though the pain is strong now, you will come out of this stronger for it.
2006-10-11 22:32:57 · answer #10 · answered by georganne 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Look for god.You will see that you dont need other people to live my mom left one day I was heart broken and suicidal im 17.I was very depressed but then I found Jesus he has healed my wounds and is always there he is what we are all looking for.The lord helps you forgive and give you strength in whatever you need.If he does not love maybe its because he never got to know what true love is only the lord can shoe you that.Take care and dont be worried If you go to got it can workout.just happened to fall to this question.
2006-10-11 22:33:39 · answer #11 · answered by lightangellion 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋