rate my poem please,please,please!!!!!?

Question

rate my poem please!!!!!!!!?
okay so its not finished but this is wat i have so far.....


do u hate liers?
ones that keeps secerts from the world and u of all
this secert i have that u dont no
this secrt that came crushing down on u
like a boulder,the world is now on ur shoulders
jus like back then
remmber when all i did was cry
i couldnt help but sit and wonder why?
why me of all,i dont no
but wat i do no is it was my decision
no ones but mine,forever and always
i cant change it now,no matter how much i want to
im jus gonna have to make it through my pain
o dont cry for me cuz ive done my years of cryin
swallowed and still makin through my strain
some might think its all a game
but this is real
true pain that i have
and believe me nor u or i can do change this cuz ive already tried
hopefully ill forget
and one day leave this in the past
though they say ur past is wat made u wo u are now
so if this is true im a strong,beautiful,smart,indepen... person or shall i say woman cuz their

Additional Details

1 hour ago
is no child in here from wat i no
no child could bare this guilt
but for now im gonna put this part of my past locked away in my in my little box of secerts
cuz no matter how much i dont wanna say it
it will always be APART of me,thats wat i'd like to think
but then i'd be indinile
it'll never be me whole cuz thats not who i am,but it is a small part of me that makes me whole
makes me who i am
makes me,me
wat else can i say i can only be bree!!!!!!


p.s.this poem was inspired by my inner most thoughs and pain,so love it or hate it
it dosen't matter to me
just except it thats all i ask!!!!

snap,snap,snap 4 the poet(im no poet this is lik my 3rd serios poem ive ever wrote)

Answer 1

man i didnt know my baby could write like that its cool that you read it to me in person

Answer 2

This poem is very stable for a beginner, there is defiantly some advantageous imagery in it, in spite of the fact that it styles of lacks course, its slightly confusing, it starts off off with you chuffed you have discovered somebody, yet they are not particularly yours? and then they circulate away, that's a superb storyline, yet you ought for occasion a think approximately the poem whilst they circulate away. It does not somewhat rhyme in places, which i don't blame you for, rhyming poems are very very confusing, so perhaps you ought to easily try non rhyming poems to start with. in case you like the assumption of rhyming nevertheless, try only making it lyrical whilst spoken, counting the syllables according to line is a robust thank you to do this. Poetry would be relaxing and intensely pleasing, i think of you ought to proceed, you are able to as properly make some money! yet you ought to purchase a e book on writing poetry to truly get the excellent outcomes, i prefer to advise "the ode much less travelled: unlocking the poet interior" by making use of Stephen Fry, he's remarkable and and intensely astonishing.

Answer 3

you are not Chaucer! but you'd be giving yourself a much better chance of readers having the opportunitiy of reading and appreciating your poetry if it wasn't so hard to follow the bad spelling and abbreviations. I think you've definately got something there and if you can care that much ... its only a little bit more of an effort for you to make it more easily readable.

Answer 4

its good only i wish i knew what you were talking about, i mean i understand what you wrote but u left so much out , yet it's a long poem , id say shorten it , make more better points and tell what the pain is that ur talking about . that's my advice.

Answer 5

A little long and a lot of misspellings. The only word I don't like is "hate". Not bad.

Answer 6

Sorry, it hurts my brain to read that. Try spell-checking it.

Answer 7

yeah, i agree, use spell check next time!

Answer 8

great!!
wait i'm lying...its way too long and i don't have the time..sorry

Answer 9

D**N!!! thats deep.... I like it !!