Tell me what u think of my essay.?

Question

The American Revolution
The American Revolution took place after the seven years war. When the 13 Colonies were fed up with taxation without representation and other money making schemes. To solve this, a group of men, known as our founding fathers, came up with a document. The Declaration of Independence, which basically stated that we, the Americans, wanted independence from the British. This is what started the American Revolution. One of the problems arousing with us and the British was the money. For helping us with the French and Indian war they wanted money. War was expensive and the British were able to levy taxes. Thus the Americans were encountered with the Stamp Act. Whenever anybody in the 13 colonies wanted any sort of document (newspaper, magazine, birth certificate, ect.) they had to get a stamp on it to indicate that they paid the taxes. This is the only British act that affected all the 13 colonies. Everybody got angry at this. This was repealed in 1766.

When the Americans tried to counteract on all the British activity, they made the first Continental Congress. This eventually led to the battle of Lexington and Concord on 1775. Following the Second Continental Congress there was an army made. This army was called the Continental Army. Which George Washington was Commander and chief in. Articles of the Confederation did not protect people so we came up with another document. The U.S. Constitution.

When the British had us on our knees and all hope had faded, General Cornwallis (British General) decided to make one finishing blow. He decided to invade Yorktown. By doing so, he would declare the war over and the British victorious. So then it happened, the British were invading Yorktown. They thought they would win and defeat America therefore giving Blue coats no independence. They were surprised to find themselves losing. When the invasion was lost, Cornwallis surrendered giving the 13 states, not colonies, independence. It was all just another step to freedom for all, but freedom is never free.

Answer 1

The Stamp Act was not the only British act that affected all the 13 colonies. There was the the Tea tax and the one where the colonists had to provide housing for the British soldiers. So you need to research that a little more. Watch your present and past tense in this one you change back and forth. The sentence which George Washington was Commander iand chief in, is not a proper sentence. He was Commander of the Army not yet the president so not the Commander in Chief. Other than that it's a good essay.

Answer 2

When the 13 Colonies were fed up with taxation without representation and other money making schemes. Try adding a subject to the verb or combining the text with another sentences.
Which George Washington was Commander and chief in. Why the full stop?

Second paragraph at the end The US Constitution doesn' make senses.

So then it happened, the British were invading Yorktown. You don't need a comma before so

Answer 3

Well, I think its a bit too informational if your asking for just a basic opinion. Perhaps think of starting the essay with a story to draw some attention. Like start with, "The Red Coats are Coming! The Redcoats are Coming! Hearing these fateful words that would change American History forever, the minutemen lived up to their names and rushed to change history as we know it". Yeah, and then jump into your first sentence.

Another basic mistake that you make alot it incomplete sentences. You start with an introductory clause, and then it doesnt go anywhere. It would be like me talking to a friend and saying "When I left for school this morning." The friend wouldnt understand and would think something else was coming. My example sentence is just an introduction leading into the main subject, so I would need to actually say "When I left for school this morning, I realized that my socks didnt match." An example I see of this in your paper is the second sentence when it says "When the 13 Colonies were fed up with taxation without representation and other money making schemes." It should say "The colonists were fed up with..." or add something at the end to make it a complete sentence. Sit in your room and read your essay aloud to yourself and you'll find these sentences that dont lead to anything. Good luck. History papers are always boring. Im actually taking a break from a 5 page essay thats due on the amount of power the framers expected the excutive branch and the debate over whether our present branch is overstepping their boundries. Its actually a really interesting topic although it sounds dull. :)

Answer 4

Remember to leave a space before each paragraph. I like the last sentence.

Answer 5

looks good to me!

Answer 6

good