We have a very full and healthy sex life, so I am not cool with the concept of "hey, let him look at porn then he'll come and do you"....
I am repulsed when I find out that I have had sex with him, when he was on the computer earlier looking at other women... I am hurt and so worried that he is picturing these "other women"..
Am I wack??
2006-10-11 12:32:33 · 26 answers · asked by shasta 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Of course you are not "wack." Every woman has the right to demand that she be the "one and only." He views porn because he loves looking at those other women who make themselves so available, but he doesn't realize that it is all a sick fantasy since he cannot really have sex with them without the committment of a real relationship. I advise that you talk to him and listen to what he has to say. Porn can be addictive for men and women alike. It takes mental discipline and a focused life in order to stay away from that nonsense. I used to be on his shoes for quite sometime until one day I began to rationalize what I was doing to my true love. I began to compare the attention and intimacy that we had with that given to me by porn. Porn is plainly and simply pleasure on demand, but it is a fantasy, a lie.
Ask him to make a commitment to you and to stop watching porn. It may take sometime, but it is possible to overcome. Confrontation with understanding is the best combination. Hold him accountable and check the computer all the time. Spend more time with him doing your own romantic activities and he will
respond. Remember, porn is an addiction and it takes time and understanding.
Mr. M on "viewed porn."
2006-10-11 12:44:12 · answer #1 · answered by Humberto M 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
No, you are not wack at all. It isn't cool that he looks at porn before he makes love to you. You should let him know that it bothers you that he looks at porn and that you feel like he is picturing these other women while he is making love to you. He should be aroused at the sight of you, and the passion between the both of you, not some pictures on the Internet! I suggest for you both to go to a marital counselor if talking this out doesn't help. Good Luck!
2006-10-11 12:48:26 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not wack at all. No matter what anybody says, for a lot of women it hurts. You cannot deny the way you feel. I dont care if people say its normal, and most men do it. What really matters is how it affects your relationship , and if hurts you , he shouldnt do it. Period. What kind of partner would you be if you did something that hurt him???? So why should he be able to , JUST CUZ HE'S A GUY? It's bull.
2006-10-11 12:57:44 · answer #3 · answered by eagfan5 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can say that personally, when I view porn, I do not imagine having sex with the women in the movies, I'm more likely to imagine doing similar acts with my wife.
This isn't just some line we feed women, its true!
That doesn't dictate how you should feel, I'm just trying to give you a perspective. Its sort of like ... if you saw some picture of a couple in a romantic situation, dancing on their own, or on a beach, you might think 'wow, I'd like to do that with my husband', not think 'I wish I was with that actor in the photo'.
2006-10-12 04:06:10 · answer #4 · answered by kheserthorpe 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Men watch porno for really only one reason and that is to masterbate or to rev. up their libido for sex with someone else. Don't feel that you are competeing with the female porno star but rather ask your husband what turnes him on about the video and ask if there is something you,or him might add to your sex life that might make it more exciting for both of you. As a man I feel that most porn watchers have lower sexual self esteem than men who don't watch. Some men who watch try to bolster their sexual self esteem by hoping to get "tips" on what to do during sex. For some men it's learning tool. perhaps you could ask to view with him and have your talk with him as you watch together. You might even tell him the parts you viewed that turned you on. Visualization is very, very important to men so give him your best lap dance and see what happens. Kind of ween him away from needing porn to needing just you.
2006-10-11 12:53:04 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't take it personally. I can't say that I have looked at porn when I have been in a relationship except when I was out of town and needed a release, but I probably would. I have thought of other women when having sex which is probably worse. Sometimes you just have to spice it up a little. Don't miss out on a little fun because of something so insignificant.
2006-10-11 12:42:04 · answer #6 · answered by duediligencebeforeinvesting 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your husband shouldn't be looking at porn. You're right to feel betrayed. Let him know how you feel. He may be a sexual addict and need counseling to stop but do not allow this to continue. It's degrading to you and to women everywhere. If he has a daughter would he want men looking at her naked pictures on line. Ask him this very question. You should be the only porn he needs.
2006-10-11 12:39:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
watch it with him an see how he reacts to it, 2 things either it will have the same effect on him as it does you or you will have great sex!!! Give it a shot. Its not personal hes just a guy and well guys do that kinda stuff. Let him walk in while your online looking at some guy hung like a donkey an see what he does..
2006-10-11 13:38:47 · answer #8 · answered by Kim 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO you are not wacko..matter of fact you are perfectly normal. You need to let him know that you do not want to do this and that porn bothers you. Although men are turned on by visuals, you do not have to participate nor be a part of this. My husband thought I would "enjoy" being part of this fantasy until I told him that 1)I was turned off by it, 2)if he was so turned on he could use both of his hands, 3) if he needed porn so bad, then obviously, I did not turn him on. He explained to me that men liked the porn because what they saw, they imagined with me. I did not care and after I explained that I found it disgusting and did not want to have that filth in my house, he respected my feelings and did not bring the subject nor the matter to our home again. He could keep his fantasy in his head. I did not want to hear it. Pornography is harmful to many marriages and many will disagree. Everyone is entitled to their views. Matter of fact, so am I. End of subject.
2006-10-11 12:50:32 · answer #9 · answered by Ness 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
NO!! I totally understand where you are comming from and feel the same way! I would never have sex with my husband knowing that he has seen other women online or on t.v and then wants to come to me. It would make me feel as though I can't do my job of turning him on myself. I think you should talk to your husband about his porn watching and if that doesnt work. Send him out the door you dont need that!! GOOD LUCK!
2006-10-11 12:41:12 · answer #10 · answered by ~* Pink Princess *~ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋