I have a roomate that's so drty and I want to tell her to keep everything in place but I don't want to sound mean or bad, what can I do??????? I'm getting frustrated!!! >=!
2006-10-11 12:26:39 · 8 answers · asked by Ruth S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Tell her that you are not trying to be mean, or pick on her, but it reallys bugs you when things are out of place. Telll her you value her friendship, but you also value your sanity and would appreciate if she made an effort to keep things neat. She may not realize that her sloppiness bothers you.
2006-10-11 12:30:16 · answer #1 · answered by missyhardt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually, if you help your roomie to have better habits, you will be doing her a favor, which is really nice.
Everything she does may tick you off, but pick one thing at a time, and tell her exactly what you want her to do, then catch her doing it, and praise her when she does it. Find some way to reward good behavior. Be creative. After a week or so of consistently rewarding her for the good behavior, only give her praise/treats every few times.
At this point, you may need to find a negative reinforcement. The next time she doesn't do the good behavior, use the negative reinforcement, and then if she corrects herself right away -- use parise, and give her a treat if she follows through correctly the next time.
From then on, only give her treats for good behavior once in a while, but every time she slips, use the negative reinforcement. And remember ONE behavior/habit at a time.
This is classic behavior management/dog training -- but it works.
Here's an example:
Tell roomie you want her to wash her dishes after eating/cooking. Show her how you want it done, from beginning to end. Help her do it once or twice. Praise her when you see her do it herself. If she fails to keep up with it, keep helping her (not doing it for her, grab her, make her do it and help her) until she starts doing it on her own. When she does it on her own, praise her:
"It makes me so happy to have a clean kitchen! Thanks for doing your dishes!"
Leave her little candies or something else she likes as a treat when she does the dishes.
As soon as it's clear that she understands that is expected behavior, you need to negatively reinforce any slips. Let's say she's been good for a week, and then one day she is in a hurry, and leaves breakfast dishes out. Without saying anything to her, pick up the dishes and place them right in the middle of something she uses all the time -- her favorite chair, her bed, her nightstand, be creative. If she complains, be calm and just say "why don't you just take care of those right now?" and if she does, give her praise. Then if she does her dishes right off next time, give her a treat.
Every time she fails to do the dishes, put them in a place that will be inconvenient to her. Every time. And every time she corrects one of those incidents (ie, takes the dishes from the nightstand and does them) praise her.
Never nag or complain. You are actually better off giving the roomie the "silent treatment" as a comment on her failure to follow rules.
Most important -- pick one goal at a time. Only add another goal when the first one is firmly established. After a while, you can stop regularly praising and treating but you need to do it once in a while, so she knows you are still paying attention.
2006-10-11 19:45:26 · answer #2 · answered by M H S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Setting boundaries or discussing your needs does not make you mean or bad. Best to do this when you are not at your wit's end with your roommate though. Perhaps schedule a time when you two can talk. And focus on "I" statements, rather than on "you do" statements.
For example, "I feel frustrated that our apartment is dirty. What suggestions do you have about how we both can address this?" rather than "You need to pick up your mess. You leave our apartment like a pig sty. You never do anything around here." "Never" is another biggie to avoid since your roommie could point to one dish that she washed as evidence of his/her contribution.
Harriet Lerner's "The Dance of Anger" is a really good resource for learning how to set limits with people who frustrate you and to do it politely.
2006-10-11 19:32:20 · answer #3 · answered by kady1863 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you try to persuade her in doing it. Show her what happen when you have messy room. Get her frustrated by seeing your side of the room and everything else messy. It's gonna be hard but it might make her decide to clean.
I'm a very neat freak, dirtyness is my enemy. Finding a broken tooth in my friends room is the nastiest thing I ever seen. I would always explain to her that it's so unlady like.
Best of Luck!!!
2006-10-11 19:36:56 · answer #4 · answered by strawberry_kiss_gurlie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Chances are she doesn't know how much her "dirtiness" bothers you, but that doesn't give her a right to invade your space with her dirt. You definitely need to speak with her, realistically, about some kinds of limits. Unless you just want the same lifestyle you've been living and/or her friendship is more valuable than your sanity....
2006-10-11 19:36:58 · answer #5 · answered by Charlee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that you think she's great but that you've always been a neat freak and seeing her stuff all over really fustrates and annoys you.
I hope it work but chances are she wont change, I tend to leave things messy too, it's a habit that has yet to die in the 20 years I have been alive.
2006-10-11 19:29:06 · answer #6 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont really know about your roomate problem,shure some will.But thats in general a good philosophical question.
Laurence.
2006-10-11 19:31:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
constantly spray her with Lysol
2006-10-11 19:29:33 · answer #8 · answered by jose 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋