I recently got married and shortly after discovered that my new husband had been lying too me and cheating on me for the past year and a half? How can I trust him now? Our sex live has become null! We've been married for two months now and I can count on one hand how many times we've had sex. What should I do? He assures me that it will never happen again and that he now realizes what he has...blah, blah, blah!
2006-10-11 12:15:41 · 26 answers · asked by lucy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Trust is earned. If he doesn't shape up, get an annulment!
2006-10-11 12:18:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Rather then forgiving him and wasting your time, you should leave him!
First of all, he doesn't love you and he doesn't respect you. People get the wrong idea of love. However, when in love, you don't take part in adultery. And, when you respect someone, you do everything in your power not to hurt them.
He has lied and cheated, he's gone beyond hurting you.
After being cheated on, especially so early on in a marriage, it is completely difficult to regain trust. You'll find yourself not being able to trust him and wandering where he is really at and what he is really doing.
I don't understand why this selfish man married you... it seems he married you only to hurt you. He shouldn't have married you knowing himself that he was in a relationship with another woman for so long.
He wanted to have his cake and eat it to, this hubby of yours cares about nothing but himself. Obviously, the affair he has had is affecting your sex life as well. Although you've only had a short marriage and I am sure you didn't expect it to come to this, you can't stay with someone that has no regard for your feelings. If he cared about you, he wouldn't have cheated to begin with. And if he had any remorse for what he did he would've told you before you two married.
Seriously ask yourself what does his word mean? After the lies he's fed how do you know him assuring you it won't happen isn't another lie?
2006-10-11 12:48:05 · answer #2 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I am afraid that I agree with everyone else....There are MANY things in a relationship that can be forgiven...but in my personal opinion cheating is the end....done....no more. I know people say "Oh go talk to someone and try to work it out...after all he/she is sorry" Yeah there sorry alright...like it was said sorry you found out. There is NOTHING and I mean NOTHING that can hurt your partner more than cheating on them. I would have rather my Ex wife beat me with a frying pan than what she did to me....which was cheat. Your trust level of ANYONE after being cheated on is NEVER the same.
Best of luck....and I really do know how you feel and I am sorry this happened to you.
2006-10-11 12:33:46 · answer #3 · answered by oldman 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand why you would want to try and work things out, but remember this one thing - a man will treat you best when you are dating and will quit trying to please you as much once you get married.
If you stay with him he will surely cheat again. How will you handle it? Are you willing to share him with other women when he feels like it? How could you ever trust him again? You can never be sure when he is lying or telling the truth to you.
2006-10-11 12:21:01 · answer #4 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a) Adultery can best be handled for the long run through marriage counseling.
b) Give him 30 days on the couch/floor and tell him you will be open to any sexual advances only after that time.
c) Make sure the "escape hatch" of how/when/who/where is closed. No more Friday night boys night out.
2006-10-11 12:33:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry that this has happened to you.
I believe there is someone better out there for you.
Trust is a large part of being married. I KNOW this must hurt you, but I think you should get an annulment.
Move forward....we all only have one life to live and to live it happy
Don't forgive him.
Live Happy because life is to short
2006-10-11 12:23:47 · answer #6 · answered by Dori 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok so you found out that he cheated on you. so, your going to just sit there and say nothing do nothing about it? why is that? and how did you find this out? in my opinion if you are not having much of a sex life, he may be getting it from some place else. I'm sorry to say. but in case I'm wrong. why not try some new and exciting things. use your imagination, be sexy, provocative, and if he still don't come around, then he is getting it elsewhere. sorry.
2006-10-11 12:35:19 · answer #7 · answered by here to help 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
aww good thing you found out now...get an anullment and get the hell out! He will promise the world and sun with the moon to make you stay but you will never have none of it because he will keep doing what he's doing!!!! If he carried something on for a year and a alhf its serious!!! and you have no place in his heart! that is hog wash he'll never do it again. Please I know it sounds easier being said then actually doing it but get out for your own sake...you and him will be happier in the end!!
2006-10-11 12:22:45 · answer #8 · answered by tweedy778 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a year and a half is a long time... I'm sure he was just sorry he got caught. You can stay married and have this situation happen over and over again... the lies, the guilt, the apologies, but I think you should gather up your pride and self worth and find someone that actually deserves your time.
2006-10-11 12:19:13 · answer #9 · answered by girlnextdoor409 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
heard the saying once a cheat always a cheat, i would not trust him at all. in the back of my head i would always wonder what he is doing where he is that is just a big headache and it will stress you out. it hard to let go but you have to god has something better for you just hang in there.
2006-10-11 12:20:21 · answer #10 · answered by rondaharr06 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bulls*it. How can he not "realize" it for a year and a half - and suddenly, miraculously, he "realizes"? (It is, of course, a mere coincidence that the "realization" occured just as he got caught - right?) Don't waste any more of your time. Not all guys are like that, by far.
2006-10-11 12:23:17 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋