is this a bad sign? or a good un?

Question

my bf has said more than once that we are like a married couple. we have been dating a while and we are really serious. we are talking about marrige. but on the weekends we had rather stay home and sit on the couch and watch a movie rather than go out. then in public we don't hold hands anymore like we used to. he says that its what married couples do but i don't think so is he right or what is going on?

Answer 1

Being like a married couple isn't bad. It usually means you've just settled into a comfort zone where you aren't trying so hard to impress each other, or always out looking for a good time. I don't agree about the holding hands though... affection is something that keeps married people together... comfort doesn't mean you have to lose the closeness.

Answer 2

OMG, you are in for a miserable life! Get rid of him while you are young and have no ties!

If you think you are going to have a happy marriage with this guy, you are wrong! Do you want NO affection in your marriage??? If this is how he is now, he will be at zero being married, he will be boring.

He will be just like his parents. I will bet they show no affection towards each other, or they are divorced from each other.

There are many of us that have been married 20-30 years and still hold hands, still get intimate (which by the way is much better once you have been married a gazillion years), talk about everything, because we are best friends, do EVERYTHING together, whether it be watching TV or reading the Bible, or going places, we do everything together because we look and act like newlyweds, but aren't newlyweds, because we come from loving families they displayed affection. We are together because we love each other and hold hands, and do all these things together. That is what a marriage is. Love, affection, trust, honor, loyalty, committment.

Marriage is a committment for life, it's all in what you want it to be. If you want it to be boring, it will be boring. If he doesn't want affection, there will be no affection. If he wants poverty (no drive, no ambition), there will be poverty.

Please listen, you don't have to SETTLE for such a dud. A dud is a firecracker that you've lit, thrown and nothing happens! He's a dud for someone else, but not you, sweetpea. You have too much life in you to feel so low about yourself. You can do better. God has a plan for you, He has someone that He made just for you!

Answer 3

If both of you would rather stay in than go out, I don't see anything wrong with it. My husband and I consider it a blessing to have a weekend with nothing planned, when we can stay home and just not do much of anything. But if you feel that you don't see eye to eye on something, or that he's not accomodating on certain things you really want to do, you might want to bring it up gently, and steer him in the right direction. Find out what's fun for him, and see if you can come up with a plan that both of you would consider "fun". Just because you're "married" doesn't mean that life has to be boring. Holding hands... I dunno; my husband and I hold hands sometimes, and sometimes not. More often than not I initiate the "hand holding", I don't really mind that. Maybe you're just the more affectionate of the two of you.

Answer 4

My wife and I have been married for more than thirteen years, and we still ‘hold hands’ whenever we go out together !

I get the impression that your boyfriend saying that you are ‘like a married couple’ is suggesting that he doesn’t see any reason as to why you should get married.

If you want a marriage commitment from your boyfriend, then you perhaps need to cut some of the benefits that he currently receives from you, to show him what he will be missing out on if he doesn’t marry you.

The way the situation is at the moment, he appears to be getting all the benefits of being married to you, without making any commitment !!!

Answer 5

I don't think it's really good or bad, but I guess there's a bit of taking for granted going on. If you're not happy with the situation, you must talk about it with him calmly, not in an accusing way.

You could try suggesting things to do on the weekend and grabbing HIS hand to hold. If these things don't go over well, then there might be a problem. Please don't let anyone take you for granted. No one deserves to be treated like that.

My husband and I don't go out as much anymore, but we hold hands while we sit on the couch!

Good luck.

Answer 6

Not having to go out all the time is no big deal...its fine to just stay at home sometimes.....as long as if you want to go out he is still willing too. As for the hand holding....well maybe now he feels more secure and does not think he has to show everyone that you two are together...just a thought I didn't say it was a good one lol. Maybe if it really bugs you ask him...say Hey...whats up with the no hold hand thingy buddy! LOL

Answer 7

Not all married couples dont hold hands, let him know how you feel about it. You cant go into a marriage with concerns as simple as the ones you have.

Answer 8

Some married couples are like you two, however keep things fresh, new and exciting no matter what stage your relationship is at. After all we get old and stuck in a rut to often so lets not rush things. Enjoy each other.

Answer 9

i think that the hand holding and stuff like that just fizzles out after awhile, and wanting to stay home and watch a movie instead of going out is normal too. my g/f and i stay in a lot, i think it gets boring going to bars and clubs when you are serious with someone. i would rather just stay at home with the g/f instead of going out and blowing money in a bar.

Answer 10

Sounds like he does love you ,but no tell him to never feel that comfortable, you have to work hard to keep the flame burning .i have been married 6 years we still hold hands and cuddle .but if you let him he will become lazy and take you for granted keep him on the edge of his seat hon .wish you the best of luck .