raped, reported, now forgive?

Question

I was raped in my last relationship with my ex bf about 2 times. i had sex with him after the rapes while we were in relation ship voluntarily, probably just to make the relationship "normal" n forget about wat happened. After the relationship n upon some signs of physical abuse, due to suggestion of friends, i reported him to the police. He got arrested, spend few days in jail, n got ordered to stay away from me until the court day, which is probably in a year or so. I met up with him parents couple of days ago, n saw his parents crying really broke my heart. Considering his age, 19, n my age 18, n wat his mother said (that he really wasn't aware that it was rape, that he cared for me, etc etc), i really don't want him to spend years behind bars . I promised his mother i will help to clear up the situation n basically not send him to jail n not testify against him.
i am confused n don't know wat to do. Forgive him, or put a young man behind bars n ruin his futur ?
plz help asap!

tanx for replies...for more info, i broke up with him 3 weeks ago, relatioship was 1 month online, 3 weeks in person. I lost my virginity to him after 2 weeks of seeing him in person (was raped by him), continued to hav sex with him becuz that wat he always asked for. I personally hate how sex felt , n cried most time after sex.

Answer 1

Wow, that's heavy. First off, you gotta know that ignorance is no excuse for the law, and that you did the right thing. Just because someone claims they didn't know their action were illegal, doesn't make it OK or right, and everyone knows that it's not ever OK to hurt people, or force them to do things against their will. Your feelings and concern are quite natural, and understandable. I think you should do as the court ordered and stay away, but tell the judge just like you've told us. Judges, for the most part, are fair and impartial and will weigh all the facts and determine what is necessary. One fact, he did hurt you and violate you. You can, and should, choose to forgive him, as we have all sinned and done things we regret and would like forgiveness, and thank God that HE will forgive us if we ask for it. However, in society when people commit a crime, there is a degree of punishment that is and usually should be enforced, to help keep us civil, and to add justice and vindicate the ones that are wronged. If he truly is regretful, asks forgiveness from God and you, and owns up to his wrong doing he'll be much better off. Think about if you hadn't told, would he still be treating you, or even someone else that way? You did nothing wrong, as long as you are being completely truthful, and allow time to grieve, and eventually forgive. Be at peace, God loves us all, just not all our actions. You will all be able to get past this, and move on in time.

Answer 2

This man raped you two times.Why did you continue the relationship? That is a little confusing knowing that this man didnt have respect for your body? He took your body without your permission. It didnt matter that you were in a relationship at this time NO means NO. There is no way you could make the relationship normal after that happened.Physical abuse and a rape how can you forget that this man treated you this way?He was arrested and now you want to let him go free? Why so he can do this to another female? Why did you press charges if you were not sure that this is what you wanted to do. It shouldnt matter that his mom was crying. When this man raped you he decided his future.How could a male not know that what he was doing. I guess its sort of confusing after being raped you continued to sleep with him.Your life will never be the same. You have been raped and physically assaulted. Now the mother wants to cry. I think she needs to save her tears and think about if this was her daughter. What are your parents saying? I am glad you listened to your friends and pressed charges. This male has to learn that he cant take what has not been offered to him. Are you serious, forgive him? Why? I am sure the police dept gave contact information so you can seek therapy.Move on and dont have any contact with this man or his family.

Answer 3

I am sorry that you went though that, but why would you continue to "sleep" with him after the fact? If he honestly and truly raped you then by all means let it go to court and do everything in your power to make sure he pays the price. You may not have been the first girl he has done this to and if you let him get away with it than you surely won't be the last one. Stand up for yourself and any future victims!!!!

I seriously doubt that "he didn't know what he was doing", because NO MEANS NO, not MAYBE OR YES.

I hope this works out for you. You might want to think about getting some help from a professional to help you deal with your feeling. Good luck!!

Answer 4

I have no doubt that you were raped by this person, but I question why you would continue to have sex with him afterwards. The first thing you should have done after you were raped was call the police. IMMEDIATELY.

Now that you have reported this to the police they may doubt that you were actually the victim of a sexual assault, because you continued to have sex with him afterwards - therefore you could not have been raped by him previously (I'm only telling you what they will be thinking)

You ask if you should forgive him - anyone would think you HAD forgiven him - you had sex with him again afterwards!

Learn from your experiences - get to know a man for much longer before you have sex!

Answer 5

Spare me the mother's bleeding heart. Her son committed an act of violence. Time for you to go back on a promise made on a shaken bit of judgment.
Consider this: he ruined his own future. He broke the law and hurt you. His selfishness blinded himself to the consequences, such as hurting his mom. Don't give me that, "wasn't aware it was rape" crap. You didn't consent. He did it anyways. That is rape.
Think about this too: if you don't testify and he goes free, this gives him the message that what he did, he can get away with. He will do it again, if not with you, then some one else.
Do you want him turned loose for the next victim?

Your silence only sends the message to other abusers that if you either scare them enough or come up with a good enough sob story and get the mother involved, they can get away with it.

Answer 6

Rape is rape. You don't necessarily have to put him behind bars but you shouldn't have to forgive or forget about it. The situation you explained does sound strange if you really don't want to persue it then go ahead and drop it but you should not have anything to do with him again. Abuse is repetitive and if he doesn't get help he will do it again. You can also suggest to the judge at the court hearing that you would like for him to get help rather than jail time. Have the judge assign mandatory counsling and community service instead of time behind bars.

Answer 7

1) If you knew it was rape then so did he.
2) If you give in, how do you know he will not do the same again to another girl?
3) His mother would do anything to save him, but does she show she also cares about you? Did she apologize for him, has he apologized to you?
4) Your promise to his mother was made under emotional blackmail, you should feel free to change your mind again.
5) I don't think you believe his mother when she said he cared for you, raping isn't a sign of caring for someone.

Get councelling and legal advice... you may decide to prosecute, or settle this out of court, but you have a responsibility to not let him think he can get away with it and repeat it with the next girl he meets. Also you ahve a responsibility to yourself to get out of these bad situations sooner.

If he raped you then it sounds like he didn't use protection, he thereby threatened your health from possibly giving you stds or getting you pregnant. Would he have done that if he cared about you?

Answer 8

I've been a rape victim a few times. The guilt somehow always lies within you. Everyone makes you feel guilty and it wasn't your fault. I failed to press charges on one of my attackers and a few years later he did it again. I felt so much guilt for not standing up and being strong. If I had done something about it this girl would not have been in the same situation.

You can forgive him but he needs to pay for what he did. He needs to learn that he can't do this to women. His parents will always side with him and think he is innocent...that is just how parents are...and that's okay. What matters is that you get justice and he learns a lesson from it.

good luck in whatever path you choose :).

Answer 9

Hey girl do not let some guy make you feel guilty for his abuse. If he gets away with this he will think he is doing nothing wrong. His family is going to stand by his side no matter what. He could have killed you instead and they would still feel sorry for him. Be a woman do what you know has to be done. and if you still feel like you can't do it then think of you best girlfriend and what she would tell you if she had any sence in her head. think of all the girls who were too afraid to do what you are about to do and now they live in fear. And they will for the rest of their lives. do it.
no matter how long the courts take. don't let him do it to someone else.. show him it is wrong. if he truly didn't mean to do it, then he will listen the next time he is told NO.
Tabbicat2006

Answer 10

Statuatory rape is somewhat a regulation set as much as maintain little ones risk-free from coersion. it truly is a few thing we save our eyes out for in our family making plans sanatorium. yet truly, the crimson flags pass up while it truly is a 13- or 14- or perhaps 15-year-previous female (or boy) with a individual 18 or older. while the age is comparable, like for that reason, we don't get too razzed. because of the fact there develop into no intercourse in touch, because of the fact their a while are so close, and because curiously like plenty time has surpassed my wager is that if she did checklist him, she'd be extra of a nuisance to the courtroom gadget than something. i'm guessing that no you may take her heavily except she claimed she develop into raped.