The summer heat with the winter breeze
The colorful atmosphere
The time of scare
The time of thanksgiving
the short days and the early mornings
The season that runs away from summer
That crawls to winter
That ignores spring
ok high school level, critique it, i need 10 poems about fall and this is my last 1.. (i cant screw this up, its worth A LOT)
2006-10-11 11:27:00 · 9 answers · asked by Sad Monkey 3 in Education & Reference ➔ Homework Help
just about fall
2006-10-11 11:31:16 · update #1
I think it's good...were there any parameters or just about fall?
It's good!
2006-10-11 11:29:35 · answer #1 · answered by sunshine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This needs to have the same syllablus...i got marked off for that in a poem i did in my class
The summer heat and winter breeze
The auromic atmosphere
The time of scare
The time of leaves so bear
the short days and the early mornings
The season that runs away from summer
That crawls to winter
That ignores spring
2006-10-11 18:34:39 · answer #2 · answered by who...me? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nice poem but you could spice it up
to have more impact.
Summer heat is kind of plain.
Maybe --the warmth of Indian summer
with the chilling winter breeze.
Just a few more descriptive words which make us feel the same fall feelings you are trying to convey would make it better.
Since this is a poem which relies on emotional impact rather than a story line, push that angle a little harder.
I like the last three lines.
Good luck.
2006-10-11 18:46:07 · answer #3 · answered by True Blue 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Will probably get you a high C or Low B. It is a little boring. (sorry). Good Ideas, but doesn't catch the attention. Try some emotion in it and change the words a little.
2006-10-11 18:36:21 · answer #4 · answered by sheristeele 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Autum colors on the trees
The leaves are blowing with the breeze
Now I start to cough and wheeze
As Ragweed flies and makes me sneeze
2006-10-11 18:47:08 · answer #5 · answered by mistyrose 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not bad.
I would replace "The time of scare" with "The falling leaves" (rhymes with breeze) I know you mean Halloween, but "scare" somehow seems a bit off.
Also, "ignores spring" ? Maybe "envisions spring"? "dreams of spring"?
2006-10-11 18:33:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont think the first three lines flow together ur missing something !
add more imagery, figurative language , metaphor!
describe the seasons more!
2006-10-11 18:41:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
no offense, but it's a little boring and repetitive. it would be better if you used more descriptive word, and stopped using the and that so often.
2006-10-11 18:42:19 · answer #8 · answered by Gracie Lady 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I dont want to be mean but ITS BORING AND i dont get it
2006-10-11 18:29:59 · answer #9 · answered by 2pac 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋