My husband of 3 years is acting suspicious..?

Question

I think he is cheating. he lied one night saying he was working overtime and I check his job, he's not there. He comes home drunk w/ what I think is lipstick on his shirt ( he said i t was construction powder) He admits to having a drink w/ his bad influence cousin ( whom he prefers to hang out w/ rather than me, his wife) I tell him my problem w/ all this and he denies everything. What should a wife do? My sister-in-law says to stick it out and trust him. He is acting different therefore something is going on. I want to take the substance on the shirt to get tested in a lab and get the real results on what is on there. I also want to spy on his conversation by taping a $150 recorder under his work truck. He says nothing is going on and to stop accusing him of cheating. So why would he lie about working late and actually going to what I think was a strip club? Could he be falling out of love from me? Please answer w/ honesty and no sarcasm please.. I am looking for answers.

Answer 1

Yeah Yeah, Same Old Story.
YES, He's Cheating.

Answer 2

The most common answer to why spouses cheat is that something is wrong in the marriage and the affair is a bi-product of those problems, even when most other aspects of the relationship are working well. So first think if you can find reason for cheating. On the other hand some statistics say that 85% of women who feel their lover is cheating are correct. If you have suspicions, consider some of the following and be as impartial as possible.
sudden increase in time away from home
Decreased sexual interest with you
Cheating spouse is often distracted and day dreaming
Cheating husband or wife is often “unavailable” while at work
Cheating spouse attends new functions outside of work and wants to go without you
Cell phone calls from you are not returned in timely fashion
Cheating spouse leaves house or goes to other rooms to talk on the telephone
Cheating spouse uses computer alone and secretly
Cheating spouse asks about your schedule more often than usual
Mileage on car is high yet he reports only short distance errands
Clothes smell of perfume or cologne
Cheating spouse gets his laundry done independently
Unexplained payments on bank statements
Cheating spouse has more cash on hand without accountability
Cell phone bills contain calls with long duration
Cheating spouse now has a phone cardCheating wife or husband has unexplained receipts in wallet
Cheating spouse has suspicious phone voice-mail messages
Cheating spouse has suspicious cell phone numbersInternet web browser history list contains unusual sites
Cheating spouse begins to use new or free e-mail account
Cheating spouse is suddenly deleting e-mail messages
You need to understand that the lies can be detected if you watch and listen closely to their stories and behavior. Keeping track of the little differences in his story can help you to learn the truth much faster.

Answer 3

You should do what you feel is going to get you the truth if thats what you really want.
If you dont trust him then things are not going well, but on the other hand you must have a reason for feeling that way. What does your gut instinct tell you?
If it was me Id have to be thinking can I handle the truth if it is that hes seeing another woman, dont get the "stuff"tested. The truth will out.
I know Id follow my husband, not knowing drives people crazy. Dont listen to anyone else not anyone on here or sister in laws. Do what you feel is right.
Tape a recorder under his seat....he'll find. Wrong always surfaces.
Or you could simply say how upset you are and ask him.
I wish you all the best.

Answer 4

Maybe he is Maybe hi is not but that is going to far. If you feel that way and know without doubt that he cheated and came home with lipstick on maybe he wanted you to see it, maybe he wants you gone so he can be happy and stop pretending. What part of He does not want you anymore dont you understand. If you spent more time tending to his needs, giving him some space to think and fixing yourself up maybe go to a gym instead of on Answers Maybe something will change if there is anything left. Sometimes people grow apart accept it. I know he is tired of you accusing all the time. People grow apart It may work it may not show your children a strong woman and get off of Answers belittling him and acting immature, cynical and pushing him away and act like lady. Keep it up he may be with her again.

Answer 5

He is cheating. You didn't say how he was acting different, but if it is sexually, he is up to no good. Construction powder...yeah right!!!

Next time he is working late go borrow a friend's car and follow him. Take your camera too.

If you are right, don't confront him on it right away. Be very loving to him. Tell him you miss the passion in "our" relationship and you want to go to marriage therapy. Confront him in front of the therapist.

If he refuses to go to therapy, then confront him. Tell him to drop the other women or else you leave.

Perhaps your sister doesn't want to lose you as part of the family. It is best to address this issue now before he gets STD's or someone else pregnant.

Answer 6

i answerd a similar question like this and mine was voted best answer. The question was "Husband too friendly on My Space???" You can look it up if you want.

I'll say kinda the same thing I said to her. It doesn't really matter whether he's cheating or whether you succeed in catching him cheating. The point is you don't trust him. Another point is that you 2 are married and he's doing something that is not ok with you. He should at least have enough respect for you to communicate to resolve this issue.

Even if you get the shirt tested and use the tape recorder and don't find any evidence (do you see how crazy you sound???) are you really going to trust him?? or are you gonna just keep trying to find other ways to catch him?

Personally, he sounds like a loser, he sounds a lot like the loser I was married to for 3 years. Who cares whether he's cheating, he doesn't sound very commited to this marriage. And you sound miserable!

Answer 7

Your instincts are usually right. You know there is something wrong and I bet you have had other things that just did not add up as well. I would have someone he does not know follow him and see what he is doing. If he is doing nothing wrong no need to confront him and tell him what you did it will just be a load off your mind. If he is cheating then you will have proof. Do not let him say you are going crazy because you are accusing him of something not being just right.

Answer 8

Go with your gut. But try to get some real proof. Maybe he told you he was working late because he knew ou wouldn't like him going to a club. Tell him in a neutral tone that you don't mind him going out with friends/cousins. It beats being lied to, and in case of emergency, you need to know where he is.

If there's a way to find out for sure if he's cheating, then go ahead. If you decide he's not, he better not find that $150 recorder......
Good luck!

Answer 9

this is hard to answer without personally knowing you or your husband. There could be 20 GOOD REASONS he felt he could not tell you he was going 4 a drink. He may have lied just to avoid a fight because he knew he was going with someone you disapprove of. The mark on his shirt don't know he could be telling the truth lipstick is waxy thou I WOULD THINK a women could tell the difference but, without seeing the mark NO WAY for me to say yes, he lied it's lipstick. My husband is a fisherman he has weNt went fishing came home with glitter on his shirt or hands I KNOW IT'S FROM THE LURES. I've been with him fishing we both get glitter on us but, if a women did not know that i bet she'ld be piss*d over her hubby coming home with glitter on him. As for acting different maybe he's getting depressed which may be why he's going out drinking I'd put money on that he's not fully happy with something in his life. JUST TALK TO HIM. I would not go as far as spying on him. Everyone is unique like i said without knowing either of you it's too hard to say based on just the things you wrote. I THINK HE'S NOT CHETING HE JUST WANTed SOME PERSONAL TIME AWAY FROM YOU WITH A FRIEND WITHOUT IT BEING A BIG OL' FIGHT.

Answer 10

Wow, interesting...hire a private investigator if you have money, if thats what it takes to put you at ease, but in the mean time...if you dont know anything for sure then it would be highly unfair for you to keep accusing him of something that your not solid on and that hes only going to deny anyways and its not fair to him to be accused or treated indifferently for something he might not be doing...BUT, if he has enough respect for you then the going out and having a "drink" will stop too if thats something that you wont tolerate...but like i said if you have the money then hire an investigator, that would be a good solution and potentially peace of mind that hes not doing anything or a harsh reality that you dont want to be apart of and will be better of moving on...hope that helped, good luck!!!!

Answer 11

He's cheating. Get a lawyer. Charge the lawyer to him. Divorce. Find a man who wants you. Etc. Good luck.

PS: The lipstick is a bad sign. If he is just going to a titi bar, those girls do not usually get lipstick on a man. That is unprofessional. Lipstick is a sign of an amateaur, thus, he is probably cheating.