I just had a call here at work about an issue that apparently my hubby knew about but never took care of or told me about. Now I am scrambling to take care of it (in addition to my work) while he is home bumming around. This is not the first time. In fact, it has always been this way and I have begged and pleaded with him for more help but he just doesn't care about anything. I am at the end of my rope. What should I do?
2006-10-11 11:06:32 · 11 answers · asked by Kimmy 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
FYI - I don't do his laundry or pay any of his bills that don't affect my credit. In other words, I don't baby him when it comes to the little stuff. But I have to be the one to worry about ALL the important stuff, and this today made me wonder what other important stuff he has put off that will cost me later.
2006-10-11 11:13:21 · update #1
Girl friend help is on the way...If I'm not mistaken it sounds as if you and I were in the same boat. I don't have a quick fix solution but it does work. Change up your game plan. You see you have to play the game to win. Don't just play to be playing. What I had to learn was how to get my husband to do stuff without him knowing he was helping me. Men are not children so don't treat them as such. I let my husband know he is the only person who could possibly help me. I started out with simple things and I celebrated when he accomplished it. I mean we celebrated. Men love to be wanted and appreciated. When it was time to clean house I would put on revealing items and he would literally follow me around. I just started asking him to "suga, could you put this in here or there or whatever" before you know the house was clean. The more I was appreciative of the smallest thing he would do the big things. Remember you have to give them room to grow. I'm not saying its easy but make it a situation to where he "thinks" he totally benefits.
By the sounds of it you love him. You are frustrated with his ways. Just get a little creative. Pray for patience and understanding because you will need a lot of it. But trust me it works. I've been with my husband 15 years. We dated on and off for years...I'm reaping the rewards of learning to love his uniqueness and getting what I want in return. So there is hope. So relax and get to thinking (creatively). Women are born to multi-task...Men have to be taught!!! :)
2006-10-11 11:54:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anoited 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if you have know this about him for some time now, that he does not take of business, I thinks it's time that you allot some extra time to take care of things. Stop expecting him to do things that he has failed to do in the past. It sounds like you need to train him a little bit on how to do certain things and teach him the importance of handling these things. I think it would be a wise choice to give him certain selected task that you know he can pretty much handle and then slowly but surely give him a little more responsibility.
I personally think its harder to complete task that you take no intrest in or if you don't know the real benefits and/or consequences of completing or not completing certain task. For example I hated to balance my check book ( especially with a debit card linked to the account) but until the day my partner sat down with me to teach me to watch every transaction , I noticed that my bank charged an unesessary fee ( which I got a refund for) .
Overall what I am trying to get at is that you have to communicate with him the importance of doing certain things for the household and you need to tell him how his neglete to these things causes you burdens because you are trying to handle these things at work. I would tell him that your boss saw you doing these things on work time and how you may be at risk for losing your job if you continue to do this on work time.
anyway- good luck
remeber sometimes people need to be taught certain things- don't just expect him to know this ( even though he should if he is considered to be a functional adult)- repeat yourself if you must
again - good luck
2006-10-11 18:22:31 · answer #2 · answered by shalirha 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow. i'm not sure what type of arrangement you have with your man but this doesn't sound fair. why is he "home bummin around" and not working? i would suggest to you that u let him know that u won't allow yourself to be taken for granted or taken advantage of. more than likely, if he's been doing this for a while, he won't change. can't teach an old dog new tricks. if that's the case get a divorce. u say your doin everything anyway so what'll be the difference?
2006-10-11 18:14:06 · answer #3 · answered by feetal2003 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IF you are married and he doesn't pay HIS bills that WILL affect your credit because you are married. Since you admit to him always being this way WHY did you marry him to begin with? What you should do is find out if he isn't paying his bills and see what sort of affect they've had on YOUR credit. If he doesn't pay any of his bills they CAN come after you for payment.
2006-10-11 23:05:03 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Right on sister. Call him on it and the penalty is 4 marriage counseling sessions. When things have gone on for awhile, we get into mutually enabling habits. What he has done is bad - and what you have done that allowed him to get away with it is just as bad. This isn't arout irresponsibility alone, this is abusive. Find someone who can help you talk turkey now.
2006-10-11 19:55:26 · answer #5 · answered by Joe Cool 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For a relationship to be good. People need common goals and to be pulling toward those goals. Often when people see no hope of getting anything near what they want, they give up. I'm like that.
2006-10-11 18:09:33 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Show him who is boss around the house and if that doesn't work try to outsmart the guy and if he try to twist free get some help with him. If he tries to do something to you afterwards call the cops.
2006-10-11 18:17:49 · answer #7 · answered by Maxamillon Pegasus 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't do his laundry, don't cook for him, and don't touch any mail with his name on it.. After 2 weeks in the same underwear, and several collection calls, he'll wise up.
2006-10-11 18:09:37 · answer #8 · answered by maccrew6 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Give him an ultimatum..either he starts to pull his weight around the house or you will have to think seriously if you have a future together...
2006-10-11 18:09:15 · answer #9 · answered by geordie.lady 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You picked him for some reason honey. Do you have kids? If not, dump the trash and move on.
2006-10-11 18:16:25 · answer #10 · answered by TK 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋