so I've been talking to this guy that I met online, we talk on the phone evey single night for at leats 2 hours usually if not 5 we really like eachother and he only lives about an hour away from me. he eventually wants a "live in girlfriend" and he's kinda said he wants that to be me. he's 19 and Im 17, 18 next month. I like the idea of being in a serious relationship and I think it's what I need. but I have a hard time trusting guys anymore. I've been burned quite a bit and so Im not sure that Im ready to trust someone, not to mention that sex will be a part of our relationship and I've seen my female family memers get pregnant very easily even on the pill! and of course I could be on the pill and use condoms but I dunno. what should I do? he's also very fmaily oriented and so am I
2006-10-11 10:52:09 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
If he were really "family oriented" he would not be looking for a live-in girlfriend, he'd be looking for a wife! What he is really looking for is daily, uncommitted sexual relations with a sweet, charming 18 year-old girl. Something most, if not all of us guys fantasize about. He'll likely tell you anything he thinks you need to hear to make that happen.
Bad idea--especially at your age. Enjoy yourself. Meet some guys and let them take you out and try to impress you. Get to know them well and don't be so quick to give them your body. Get to know men in general before you jump into a serious relationship.
The best way to avoid being burned is to keep it locked up until you're married. It's the only way to know for sure you're not being used just for sex. Also, that eliminates the stress and worry of unwanted pregnancy and STD's.
Good luck to you. You sound like a really nice girl.
P.S. I want to caution you about online correspondence. It is not nearly the same as meeting and corresponding with someone in person. You cannot read clues from a person's body language, appearance, dress, manners and mannerisms changing voice inflections etc., like you can when you are on a real live date.
2006-10-11 11:10:36 · answer #1 · answered by Leroy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to start with a dating relationship first. You do not live that far apart that you can not get together on week ends. You never know a person until you spend time with them in person and moving right in with him may be opening some doors that you are not aware of. This could be dangerous. WHY have you not seen each other yet if you live so close? Ask yourself that question. You need to find out who you are first and decide what you want out of life insted of jumping into a possible fire, expecting someone else to care for you. You must learn to care for yourself first, and the rest will fall into place.
2006-10-11 11:17:41 · answer #2 · answered by Margie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, have you guys been able to meet in person yet? Don't EVEN consider the possibility of moving in together until you've met in person a few times. In fact, don't even consider him a boyfriend until you've met in person a few times. I married an online relationship, but he wasn't my boyfriend until I had face to face time with him. Until then, I couldn't be 100% sure that he was a good one for me.
Second, if you have ANY sort of access to a counselor, try and work through the whole trust issues thing. I mean, kudos for realizing that it could affect your future relationships - too many of us gleefully carry baggage and smack our future mates in the head with it and don't notice - but it's not something you can simply ignore, or something where somebody here can say one magic phrase to spark an epiphany and make it go away.
Third, my family is nowhere near as fertile as yours and I DEFINITELY insist on my husband using condoms when it's that particular week of pill-taking. I'm dead serious about not spawning, so I do whatever it takes. You can too. (Also, were your family members instructed on proper pill usage? Specifically, that you have to wait a month before relying entirely on them, or that many antibiotics reduce their effectiveness?)
2006-10-11 11:01:19 · answer #3 · answered by Katie S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are having a problem trusting men then I wouldn't suggest moving in right away. You are very young & it sounds like you "like the IDEA of bieng in a serious relationship" that's just it, an idea. Is it ideal to do at this point in your life? Probably not. You can still talk to him & see him occasionally but weigh your options. As for getting pregnant, there is only one sure way not to & I think you know what that is.
2006-10-11 10:59:52 · answer #4 · answered by pattysez 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He doesn't sound very family oriented...he sounds like after he gets you in bed he won't want anything else to do with you. If I were you I would have a few group dates together first so you can meet and get to know him. Atleast with a group date you can figure how he will treat you around his friends and if you actually like him. I wouldn't go on a date alone yet because he might try to rape or do worse to you thinking that he already softened you up by chatting. Whatever you decide please be careful.
2006-10-11 11:02:29 · answer #5 · answered by Bigbabii 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want a serious relationship avoid sex, if you love someone enough you can wait. Value yourself, you dont even know him and you are planning to have sex with him come on!
and if you think you are not ready to raise a child then be responsible and dont do it!!
Well, anyway be careful with online relationship the are quite dangerous, Ive heard many bad stories get sure he is not using you
guys are good on saying pretty things and we are good on bealiving them all!!! just watch out...
well good luck
2006-10-11 11:00:44 · answer #6 · answered by gaorme 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all just because you talk on the phone doesn't mean that you know him. You should try some dates or something so you can meet each other and get acquainted that way. Take a good Friend and her date with you the first few times. Just in case he's not what you think he is!
2006-10-11 10:58:35 · answer #7 · answered by panda 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Weigh out the pros and cons of the situation. If you are with him be very careful and don't move to fast. Don't just give him sex when you first get together make sure he really loves you first. Also wait one month to live together for sure. If u haven't met him face to face yet then take someone with you the first time you do.
2006-10-11 10:55:37 · answer #8 · answered by I'm here for now 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have your head on your shoulders and have weighed the options, but maybe you need to spend sometime with this person for awhile, see if you are compatible off line and then take it from there, and if your not ready for children be extra careful. Besides you may want to take your time before children, give your relationship a chance to grow.
2006-10-11 10:56:52 · answer #9 · answered by preshus 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how long have you known him, hun you are young, i have to say i went and met this guy online when i was 18 and he was so not the guy i thought he was, he ended up being waaayy creepy. just watch out and be cautious, don't be a statistic it may be worth for you th get a background check on this guy b4 you do anything serious you're young if he wants you he'll wait for you
2006-10-11 10:55:30 · answer #10 · answered by gardener24 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋