How can I overcome my shyness and lack of confidence?

Question

I have always been shy and lacking confidence throughout my life, but over the past few years I have noticed it is getting worse. I have tried various counselling and therapy sessions in the past without any luck. I have also tried getting involved with clubs/activities, each time promising myself that I am going to make more of an effort to talk to people, but each time I fail. The longer I present myself as shy, the harder it becomes to escape that persona! Does anyone have any ideas how I can overcome my lacking of confidence and shyness. I am 28 and I really need to do something before I begin regretting that I have allowed my life to pass away.

Answer 1

I can relate to what you're saying. I used to be shy when I was younger and never felt like I belonged. Nowadays, I am alot more confident because I realized that there were strengths to my personality. Being introverted helped me to be highly creative and studious. It also gave me a unique perspective on things that some people find interesting and a sense of empathy for the similar plights of others. I'm still kind of quiet and introverted, but my self-confidence manages to shine through. As a result, I find that a lot of other shy people see me as someone they can open up to and feel accepted by. So I would recommend that you really think about what your strengths are and don't be shy about expressing them when the time comes. Your example may inspire others.

Answer 2

Being shy is being over self-aware. Try spending time with people who really really need you. Or animals. As soon as you find something more pressing and more important than your own shyness and the way you are feeling today, you will forget the small stuff and concentrate on important things, like other people.

You could go to VSO Voluntary Services Overseas and they will send you to a part of the world where no-body is shy. They are all suffering and starving and will look upon you in a different way. Somebody a long time ago made you feel self-conscious. You dont need to find out what that was to know it was wrong. You are not disfunctional - unless you intend to be. Find a vocation and make your life as you intend it to be. It is never too late even if you were writing this aged 50/80/100.

Answer 3

I used to be painfully shy, and I've found that when I look someone in their eyes for some reason it helps me, smile more at people, that'll help to, I also found that working in retail helped me overcome my shyness, I'm 30 now, but when I was 16, 17 I was painfully shy... but working at the mall helped a lot... now I'm a city employee, and you would've never thought that I was ever remotely shy, I'm crazy as all get out... but at the same time, maybe thats just your personality, your shy, probably soft spoken too, and you try to avoid the limelight and there is nothing wrong with that... just as long as you stand up for yourself, and not let others walk over you, then I say your fine, your just shy and there is nothing wrong with that.

Answer 4

Firstly i would ask you why are you shy? What makes you lack confidence? Once you have the answers to these questions then and only then can you possibly move forward in the battle to overcome them.
Outwardly i am a very confident person, on the inside there lies a very very insecure lady. However, i have sought councelling and know why i am as i am. I have accepted me for me, and thus can move forward. Though i remain to be insecure, i am aware of it and can manouvre around it.
Sometimes it can overtake me, but if i explain to people around me what the issue is, we get through it.

Answer 5

Stop telling yourself that you are anything but a wonderful loving human being with much to give to the world.

Then get your mind off of yourself and on others. This will change your whole outlook. It's not all about you. It is equally about you and everyone else. Some other people have the same problem. Those who don't are focusing on other people and not themselves.

I was shy too. I had a friend who was not attractive at all. Everyone loved her because she showed love and kindness to them. She would start conversations by asking someone about themselves. She would focus on them. I learned through her to care about others. That did it for me.

So get out and give give to others.

Answer 6

I know how you feel, based on experience I will list a few things to help rather than a long story lol :) Goal setting: Set goals and work towards those Persistence: don't let your fears stop you (for ex. I was awkwardly nervous at my job but I continued work, faced my fears and eventually became more comfortable in my environment) Relaxation techniques: Like deep breathing, will calm your nerves Self talk: When talking to someone I was nervous with (example: customer) I would tell myself "ppl love me, and I love them." As silly as it sounded it helped to defeat the negative self talk towards fear of criticism.. I also would pretend like I was talking to my family or someone I normally am relaxed around. And another thing I would tell myself was that I could do anything through God. So I would imagine him in charge of my fears and problems, rather than me having to take it all on myself. Make a list of all the things you love about yourself. Dress nice and take care of your looks. Sometimes we take on the role of how we look. Think about the person you love most in your life, now imagine you love yourself just as much. Be willing to forgive yourself past your faults bc no one is perfect. You can do it... you don't necessarily need counseling. You can google this subject and find articles for more support and encouragement. If you find a good counselor that you like and you can afford go for it. Just don't let them brainwash you to take prescriptions bc often times you can overcome this by facing your fears and changing the way you think.

Answer 7

Take up Marshall arts. I,m serious. Not only will you get in great shape physically your confidence will go way up as well. You have probably never pushed yourself to see what your capable of and deep down you know you can be a better person but because you don't push yourself your confidence goes down the toilet.

Answer 8

Put yourself in situations where you are forced to make more of an effort with people.
I was the same as you, i'd say i was still introverted as i definitely can't be surrounded by people ALL day. It does my head in.
Do have a go at all the things you want to acheive, and just realise that (especially in work situations) people aren't always acting true to themselves, they just "act as if..." to acheive the things that they want to.
Just replace the habits you have found yourself in to ones that will enable you to get to where you want to be, the trick is remaining true to yourself!

Answer 9

Some psychiatric medications have been prescribed for social phobia and/or anxiety. These include Paxil and Prozac. Talk to your doctor. Family or general physicians usually don't like to prescribe alot of psychotropic drugs and usually refer you to a psychiatrist.

I know a guy like you and he's almost 50 and still works at Wal-Mart. It's sad to see. So, since you've already tried "making" yourself attend clubs and activities, you may want to consider the medication route, with a doctor's guidance, of course.

Answer 10

Every morning - look in the mirror and say, "I am shy", then laugh your head off.

Wear bright colours and shiny jewelery (even if you are male).

Join a choir or other group activity, not so much to speak to the people there but to engage in activities which allow you to pretend to be someone else (someone who is not shy).