My husband and I have been together 3 years. At first, his mother really liked me and so did his sisters, but his step-dad has NEVER liked me. Over time, his mom stopped liking me too because when my arrogant step-father in law would get in my face I'd stand my ground. My husband and I moved out of state due to his job and now that we live out of state, his sisters act like they resent me because their brother has a life and a family of his own now. When they call they barely speak to me, when they DO speak to me it's to be rude and I can't take it anymore. I don't know what to do, but I want to try to salvage a GOOD relationship with my in-laws for the sake of my children and my husband. I tried apologizing to my mother in law for anything I might have done to anger her and she all but blew me off. What now?
2006-10-11 09:10:30 · 15 answers · asked by Jennifer F 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My mother in law and step father in law don't like me because they like my husband's ex girlfriend and are upset that he's not with her anymore. They've gone as far as giving her our phone number and telling her he wants to work it out and to call. My husband and I have been to counseling because it's been causing US problems.
2006-10-11 09:25:31 · update #1
Your in-laws sound like real side-shows! I feel bad for you there.
But, you don't have to be friends with them, just cordial. It sounds like you have made great effort by talking to her and trying to be friendly. But, now it is in your husbands hands. He should stand up for you and tell them that they need to respect you even if they don't love you. You are his wife and he should put you first.
From now on, just be polite. But, you shouldn't have to kiss thier butts.
2006-10-11 09:17:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You already tried to be nice to your in-laws. However, you have not said anything about yourself...i;e: whether they honestly have a good reason for being rude or hateful to you. Only you can answer that..Try to listen to them passionately and with all your heart, maybe you will hear something different and then re-concile. I am sorry, but i don't really buy the thing about the sisters being upset because your husband got a life of his own. Come on..
2006-10-11 16:28:35 · answer #2 · answered by seek_fulfill 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is the other way around for me. My parents do not talk to my husband (or me for that matter). My husband and I have talked about it and we are ok with this.
I think that the most important person in your life is your husband. You say that you have been to counseling about this. Were you able to find middle ground? If so, then work on that. Your husband married you, as well as you married your husband. The in-law family just comes with the package.
2006-10-11 16:37:07 · answer #3 · answered by wallcritter 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to stand your ground with them as well. If you have done nothing to deserve this type of behavior from them, then let them know that under no circumstances are you going to allow them to treat you this way. Let them know that you love their son/brother very much and you would like to have a good relationship with them as well but if they won't be understanding about it then you are going to take care of what is more important to you and that is your husband and children. You can't make everyone love you, so as long as the negativity is coming from them, stay strong.
2006-10-11 16:23:04 · answer #4 · answered by ray ray 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All you can do is love your husband and be a loving wife to their son. You can't change what they think, the only real answer is kindness. If they have their own issues and problems they are going to keep on hating you, just be confident and strong. Always show them as much GENUINE love as possible.
My dad has always been judgemental about the women I date. He thinks I need to find a certain type of girl in order be happy, based of of his own life's experience.
You can only influence your thoughts, not anyone elses.
2006-10-11 16:34:52 · answer #5 · answered by tightlies 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My advise would be 1 get caller ID and DO NOT answer when you see it is them... let your husband have the communication with them. 2 realize you have done nothing wrong and do not appoligize for anything. 3 enjoy your marriage you are all the family you need. 4 your husband needs to stand up and be the man and tell them to stop or he too will stop communication with them.
Good Luck!
2006-10-11 16:31:32 · answer #6 · answered by Tricia P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find new friends and tell them were to get off at > sounds just like my ex mother in law. We always was at each others neck.She even went as far as having me arrested for attempted assault.She never like her grandson dur to the fact he look like me and not his mother.She was a real witch
2006-10-11 16:19:26 · answer #7 · answered by xlhdrider 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well.......let me put it this way....They are going to do and feel like they want to......as long as you and your husband have a great relationship nothing else is going to matter......I have the same problem, but all you can do is let your husband know how you feel.....and that is pretty much all you can do......believe me it is a loosing battle.......
2006-10-11 16:24:02 · answer #8 · answered by singngrl_2001 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is not much more you can do, the more you do they will probably all sit there and bash you for trying to be nice, you and your husband have your family.... your mom and dad, his mom and dad matter, but in the end its your family(your hubnby your kids) that matters the most. I figure you tried, its up to them to establish a good relationship, becuase its you that wnats to have one . they do not.
2006-10-11 16:15:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you've done about all you can... your husband has to step in here, and pronto! It's up to him to defend your honor with his family. He needs to ask them to be nice to you, or not to call at all (even when you're not there!) He needs to tell them nicely but firmly that to be rude to you is to be rude to him. I hope you find that his loyalties are with you and not them. good luck!
2006-10-11 16:17:34 · answer #10 · answered by JP 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋