I am 44 and my boyfriend is 48. I have 3 boys and a daughter: ages 19, 15, 12 and 9. He has 3 boys also: ages 18, 15 and 11. Our youngest kids get along great, but our 15 year olds won't give each other the time of day. His 15 yr. old son is very worldly--he drinks, smokes, cusses and is constantly giving his father a hard time. My 15 year old is a strict Christian who does not do any of the above things. He goes to church 3 times a week and has very high morals. I really hope for a future with this wonderful man, but I am afraid that there is no way to happily blend our 2 families. I also am not sure that I want my kids exposed to some of the things his 15 yr. old does. I love and get along great with his 2 other sons, but I think that both of our 15 year olds boys resent the fact that we are getting so close. They both are very loyal to our ex-spouses. Is there a way to live happily ever after and still have happy children? Any advice is much appreciated!
2006-10-11 09:08:37 · 15 answers · asked by Rae 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
wow, sounds hard.... anyway, i do believe that everything is possible, maybe just take it slower, i mean both of you have teenagers, which is a critical age for everybody, they should know who's in charge, but try not to put pressure on them, don't expect them to hang along just perfectly, it takes time, or maybe they'll never get along, but that's no reason for you to give up your relationship.
as for the 15 year old smoker....don't judge him, support him, maybe he just wants attention or love....
but i wouldn't let my kid to go out with him, i think he is way too young to be in those things, better sports and things like that...
good luck, and don't give up! love your boyfriend and his family :)
2006-10-11 10:36:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. I thought I was the only woman in the world to be asking that question!!!
I am a bit younger, however, dealing with the exact same figures. I am 23, my boyfriend is 31, and combined, we havea total of seven. Me with a daughter(3yrs) from previous relationship, him with four (oldestboy-8yrs, second boy-7yrs,twins-1boy/1girl-5yrs.) Then together we have two boys(19 months and 5 months)
His ex is very unhappy about our situation, and she wants nothing more than to rip at the very seams of our relationship.But I'll be damned if I'll let that come between us.
So, to answer the question:
Whether or not it will work, I guess depends on how much you and he want it to. I know that so far, with my own "seventhheaven?!?!" situation, I am still believing that yes....there is a "happily ever after" even for a couple with a combined amout of children being 7. However....I guess we'll see, after all is said and done(the i dos, the honeymoon, etc) and I can see what the relationship will be like-after the "novelty wears off". My God...I hope it NEVER does...{softlysmiles}....
So yes....it can, if you and your man want it to, and as long as neither one of you "throws in the towel" and gives up, just because the going gets a little tough...that's a big part of what true love is: Knowing all there is to know about a person,seeing allsides....good & bad, and still loving them...and still wanting them around.(well ok, there is more too it than that, but it's still important.)At least now I know that there is someone out there understands what I am going through...literally!)
It will work....good luck my dear...
2006-10-11 14:16:22 · answer #2 · answered by stefanie s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is possible you shouldn't let your children dictate the rest of YOUR life. If you are saying his 15 year old is bad have HIM go live with the ex wife. My mom just got remarried and she has 9 kids and her new husband has 3 kids. everything is going smoothly so far! it can happen as long as you dont let your kid run you. make sure you let them know you know how they feel but you need to move on and this is the man you want to be with. They will come around sooner or later its just going to be hard seeing someone else in their parents shoes. it can work though
2006-10-11 12:58:05 · answer #3 · answered by tweedy778 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remember Brady bunch, it needs a lot of work but it will require a lot of effort. Consider this carefully. Note that most second marriage divorce because of opinion haw to raise children so discuss it in advance and preferably write an agreement governing children roaring.
2006-10-11 09:53:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I definatly think that this could work out. Just remeber, every relationship has problems you need to work through, but there should be no reason why you can't all be a happy blended family!
2006-10-11 09:19:07 · answer #5 · answered by ladydragondale 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe the 15 yr old can live with his spouse? what kind of mother gets her children taken way...just a side note. if she is stable and he is so loyal to her maybe it will be better for everyone if he goes to live there?
2006-10-11 09:18:53 · answer #6 · answered by and now you know 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love him give it a shot! It will be better to know that you gave it a shot than to loose him and wish you would have. As far as the boys go, I think you should be grateful that they are not hanging out together.
2006-10-11 09:15:47 · answer #7 · answered by ginajimmy22 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How would you feel if you where in the same situation ( the kids)?
I dont recomend second marriages but if all of you made an effort... it wont be easy ,but it can be.
Good luck
2006-10-11 10:47:59 · answer #8 · answered by gaorme 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The Brady's did it, and so can you!
In this day and age, more famililies are blended ones and they often work out just fine!
Good luck to you all!
2006-10-11 09:12:59 · answer #9 · answered by Uh-May-Zing 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yea there will HAVE to be commuications and team work bt the 2
2006-10-11 09:11:08 · answer #10 · answered by harmonieclark 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋