I am married. Is it inappropriate to have a male friend?

Question

Do you think having a male friend if you are married is a good or a bad idea? Why? Please try to be objective.

Answer 1

oh man. my mother and i bicker about this all the time.

First off, I think your relationship with your man must be healthy, strong and full of trust. Otherwise, jealousy will creep in and damage both your friendship and your relationship.

I'm in a very committed relationship and my best friend is a guy. We had a chat, long ago that we would never be anything but friends. I would never dream of sleeping with him, I'm not attracted to him in any way and he feels the same way about me. My man doesn't see him as a threat because he is so far into friend territory, he's practically a sister.

Most of my friends are male, most of my man's friends are female. It works because we both trust each other completely, and our friends know they are loved as friends.

I'm of the opinion that as long as all parties involved are crystal clear that "friends" is all they will ever be, then there is no reason why a woman can't have a male friend.

The reverse is also true. If a woman expects her man to be okay with her having male friends, then she must be okay with him having female friends.

Answer 2

I've been married 27 years, very happily. Out of nowhere a high school chum of my wife calls. I'm cool with it but I get the feeling he has desires for her from comments he's made. I trust my wife but I am not competing for her after 30 years together. He doesn't have a car so he calls her for a lift once in a while. I'm not going to forbid her to see him but would feel better if she didn't. What would she say if the shoe was on the other foot? I'll let her decide but if it were up to me, I'd tell him to take a hike. I guess my answer would be NO.

Answer 3

They say men and women can't be friends cos the sex always gets in the way, and in most cases that's true. Women may convince themselves that their male friend is just a good friend, but for men desire grows with opportunity so a good friend at the begining can become more if the opportunity arises.

There are exceptions of course, but don't you think part of what you like in this friendship is the excitement of playing with fire?

Answer 4

I personally have no problem with my wife having male friends. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it. However you first need to look at the dynamics of your relationship with your husband.

I take it that he is the jealous type. If not, why would you be worried?

It is normal for one to be jealous of the time that your loved one spends elsewhere, especially with someone that could be a potential competitor.

You need to take the time to convince your husband that you still love him, and want him. Just let him know that you also enjoy talking to others, and how that makes you a happier and more interesting person for him.

Answer 5

If your husband does not see him as a potential threat i.e; gay friend, pensioner, young boy... no problem. If he is someone your husband may be jealous of there is some risk, especially if you compare him to your husband, or contionuously talk about him. Think how you would feel if he had a special relationship with a woman with equal attractiveness and closenss to him as your friend is to you.
If all is OK, make sure you husband understands the nature of your relationship, and knows when and where you spend time with this guy.

Answer 6

Women just don't want to admit to themselves that a guy will not want to spend time with you if he doesn't find them attractive in some way. Of course, this isn't always 100% but it's the truth 99% of the time. Someone mentioned this in an earlier post (about 30 minutes ago) about the same topic. She said something to the extent: "If you want to know the truth about your guy "friends" then ask any one of them if they would like to have sex with you, no strings attatched." Smart woman. If you did that you would be suprised to find out how many of them would be willing.

Answer 7

As long as he is just a friend and nothing more why should it be a problem. I am sure that you had male friends before you got married. Did you stop speaking to them once you tied the knot.

Answer 8

It is fine as long as you remember WHO IS YOUR HUSBAND and WHO IS YOUR FRIEND. :) Having friends outside your marriage is a much needed thing. Humans are generally social and need to be around others. My advice to you is to make sure the two guys know about each other and are fine with each other and you all can hang out together. But I do believe that your husband should be your BEST friend. He should know everything that is important to you, your friend should know you also but should only be someone that you hang out with. Good luck.

Answer 9

I don't think it's appropriate. If you're "seeing" a male friend, talking to him on the phone, sharing your feelings and your life-- that's called DATING. Married women really shouldn't be hanging around with single men because one day you'll be tired of washing your husband's socks and your "friend" will suddenly seem to "understand" your "feelings" and you'll say "one thing led to another" and that you "didn't mean for it to happen". I also don't think it's appropriate for single men to "date" married woman or try to worm their way into the marriage by being a 'friend."

Answer 10

No, it's okay to have a friend who is male, but make sure he's just a friend and no more. Don't tell him all sorts of things you "wouldn't tell your husband" because then you are lessening your respect and communication for hubby. Friends are great... just be sure you draw the line.